Thread Drift

[Crankin]

Well, I guess I'd be screwed if I had a concussion, because if I had to lie around and rest, I'd go nuts, especially if I couldn't read. Oh, I'd have plenty of people who would offer to help, like the ones I spoke about, it's just they all seem to actually "want" to rush to these kinds of situations and help, which creeps me out. Then there's the committee from my synagogue who help those in need. Frankly, I'd rather die than have them come into my home. I didn't allow them to come to my mom's memorial observance, because it just felt so awkward. They are not my friends. And no one there even knows my dad died last summer. The best example I can give is after my mom died ( a few weeks had passed), I had a call from a woman who was one of my younger son's religious school teachers at some point. She felt the need to call me and help me "deal with my feelings," because her mom had also died in the past year. At first, I appreciated the call, as a nicety from someone I had a very tangential relationship with. Then, she would not get off of the phone. She barely knew me, let alone my mom, who lived in another state. I had a few calls like that, and I just felt totally like, "Why the hell are you calling me?" I know i deal with death, illness, and other bad things very pragmatically, plow on through, and I do not get sad very often, but it works for me. I am not unfeeling, and my mom was too young to die, but she had been sick for years and I knew it would happen. This might seem opposite of my comments of wanting more friends, but I find that the older I get, the more people just are talking about this stuff way too much. I think I am just very private about this stuff and I know people misinterpret it.
Shooting Star, you are lucky to have your partner there and a sister who can give you medical advice. I have a friend in AZ, who did that for me a few years ago, when I had all of my mystery medical stuff. A few phone calls to her made me feel better.

[NbyNW]

Sending healing thoughts to you, Shootingstar.

DS and I are moving back to Seattle sometime in March/April. DH has told me he wants out of our marriage. While I'm not yet emotionally ready to accept this, my brain knows that it's time to lawyer up. If anyone in Seattle knows a good family practice lawyer, please send me a PM.

[Catrin]

Shootingstar, take care and glad to hear that you are starting to feel a little better. SO glad your concussion wasn't any worse!

NbyNW, sending you warm hugs and peaceful thoughts in this difficult time.

[salsabike]

Sending healing thoughts to you, Shootingstar.

DS and I are moving back to Seattle sometime in March/April. DH has told me he wants out of our marriage. While I'm not yet emotionally ready to accept this, my brain knows that it's time to lawyer up. If anyone in Seattle knows a good family practice lawyer, please send me a PM.

NbyNW, I am sorry. But I will be glad to see you and I think I can give you some names; will PM soon.

Shootingstar, I am sending you my heartfelt best.

[shootingstar]

Progressing slower than thought..but getting there. Been doin' lots of thinking. Crankin: You may underestimate yourself if such a situation happens.

NBYNW- I am sorry for such a tough situation and journey ahead. You've given alot of yourself in Edmonton, UK and for DS. May you have good help and support in Seattle, etc.

[emily_in_nc]

Re. friendships, boredom, etc....I could relate to a lot of what several different folks have said above.

Although I'm not very social, being an introvert with some social anxiety, I was used to a certain amount of social interaction from working in a close-knit group setting for decades. There was always someone to talk to and to be friends with even with I didn't always have a "best friend" at work, due to people coming and going. And when I got home at night I had DH, and bike club friends over the weekend. We didn't do a lot of nighttime get-togethers with others, but we met people we were friendly at rides, and that filled all our social needs.

When I retired and moved to Belize one week later, we had lots and lots of socializing -- everyone is outside and connected on Facebook when not out and about, so we did lots of socializing. Living on a small island is like living in a small town, we eventually knew people everywhere we went, and it was hard to even take a walk without having to stop numerous times for a chat.

That got old for a couple of introverts. We found ourselves having to "hide" from and and avoid people at times, going the back way just to avoid being seen, or take trips to the mainland where we could anonymous again.

Now, we've come full circle. Everywhere we travel, whether in the US, or now, in Mexico, we're anonymous again. We have friends all over the place, but none right where we are. We're like an island. And it's been this way basically since we came back from Belize in 2013. We've met up with friends in all kinds of far-flung locations as well as in our home state of NC, but most of the time we're traveling, it's just us.

And yes, we get bored and lonely. It's really strange here especially to think how few people we know. The property manager is about it, at least of English-speaking folks.

I'm glad we aren't Extroverts; we'd be going bonkers. Sometimes we really like being away from the social pressures as we hate entertaining, but it is kinda sad not having ANY friends. We hear people having dinner parties and laughing in all the houses around us (everyone hangs out and eats outside), and we feel isolated at those times. It doesn't seem to bother my DH at all, but it does bother me from time to time.

We have lots of activities and interests to keep us busy most of the time, but it's still strange not having any friends other than DH.

[Crankin]

Emily, what you described is the reason DH and I made the decision a long time ago to stay put when we retire. Besides the fact we love the environment here, I know that when I get really old and maybe a little less active, I will want to be near familiar things/people. We decided we'd rather travel a little, but always come home. I've considered maybe going to AZ for a couple of weeks to a month in the winter, but for us, that comes with some ready made friends. But, we wouldn't buy a place there.
I guess I never realized what an extrovert I am. I love entertaining and socializing, so when the people in my bike group are "friendly," but no friendships developed, it makes me feel, like "what's wrong with me?" I also think that living in AZ kind of ruined me for this aspect of life, when I came back to Massachusetts. In AZ, there's always new people and you always make overt social invitations to include them, invite them over for dinner, etc. People here have more family around and seemed consumed with that. They also are not so outgoing/friendly. I know I can be like that, in that I am picky about who I want for real friends, but I'll talk to anyone. DH is extremely extroverted, but doesn't seem to be as bothered by this as me, although we both agree, we'd like to make more friends who live the same lifestyle as us. I really do worry that I spend so much time just with DH.

[Jolt]

Well, I guess I'd be screwed if I had a concussion, because if I had to lie around and rest, I'd go nuts, especially if I couldn't read.

I'm with you on that--I too would go stir crazy if I was forced to lie around for very long, for any reason, and yes, it would be worse not being able to even read! One of my friends had a really difficult pregnancy and was on bed rest for several months and I don't know how she managed not to end up in the loony bin. I think she did a fair amount of reading so that probably helped.

[lph]

I'll just quickly add that if you actually have a concussion, chances are you will be quite happy to just lie around and do nothing, at least for the first week or so. It can be a quite serious condition, and lets you know. I vividly remember my dh getting a concussion and being ordered on a weeks bedrest, no reading, no tv. I thought he'd go insane, but when I got home he was quietly lying on the sofa and had been there all day, happily doing nothing at all while time flew. I had the same experience a few weeks ago.

[Catrin]

Yes, I was thinking about having to stay home and rest...and not even be able to read! My heart goes out to you.

As far as friendships are concerned, it seems that it is most common, in Indiana at least, for friendships to develop out of family and work relationships. I've decided it to be a good thing that I am an introvert, it doesn't help that I am also a bit socially awkward though I can talk with anyone. I look for ways to get involved and interact with people who have similar interests, but that is difficult to find. I don't think my interests are that arcane, but people are just so busy!

[Crankin]

Jolt, I had to stay at home (not complete bedrest, but almost) for the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy with DS #2. It did make me crazy. So crazy, I threw a plate down on the kitchen floor in frustration and when my 2 years saw that and started crying in fear, my DH called my mom and told her she needed to get on a plane and help!

[Pax]

We are experiencing in FL the same thing Emily did in Belize, LOADS of people to chat with, hang out, go for a drink, etc. Excellent for me (the extrovert) but at times challenging for my introvert honey. She copes by excusing herself and going away, we're both okay with that so I think it will end up being a great place to retire.

[Helene2013]

Maybe if we had more time on our hands we'd make friends easier, at least be easier to keep a friendship relationship alive and kicking.

We are not anti-social. On the contrary. But lack of time gets the best of us.

Funny though is that when we travel across Canada and USA for our dogs (yes...our dogs!), we have so many good people (we call friends) that we met over the past 10 years and we kept in touch by almost daily discussions at some point, like this board. We are closer to them, then most people I know right in my home-area.

Over the years we have been invited to spend a day or a meal at their houses we'd be treated like king and queen, dogs had gifts. Some of them we still visit on a regular basis (like one in Nashville). We are planning this coming summer to head to Minnesota to do some road cycling (mostly hubby with friend) and dog activities like agility (mostly me with friend's wife. haha) with some of them. It is so much fun to be reunited with all those people. But it can only be done during our summer vacation. I cannot go to California on a weekly thing, nor Nashville, or Ohio, etc.

Once we retire (should be 5 years but with laws and contracts changing it can be pushed - bummer), it is a guaranteed thing that we are moving out of the province, probably try being a full-timer in a motorhome. We'd be 5 months somewhere in Canada and then 7 months in a warmer climate in the USA so we can enjoy cycling and doing different things. If I want snow, I can always head up north a bit and find it for a week and be contended before returning to a more 18c day temperature (I hate big heat!).

Time will tell where all that will be. I don't need right now a close-knit group of friends right by me 24/7. Maybe as we get older we may feel the need to have a more reliable and stable group of people around us. For now, I'm ok with what I have. But it can get "lonely" or stange when people are partying for instance during the xmas time and you're home alone with hubby. Or when you are off and could visit with friends, they are working or busy themselves! But it is the life we chose and I'm ok with this.

[Catrin]

My 89 year old grandmother (step) passed during the night and I will drive down to TN on Thursday, unless they move faster than I think. It will be a hard visit for more than one reason, but a necessary one.

[Crankin]

I am sorry, Catrin. It sounds like the visit will be worse than the death.
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