After the Serious Accident

[kajero]

I had a very serious accident on my bike April 14. I was on a group ride. fortunately I wear an ID on my shoe and the leader knew what hospital, who to call, etc. So if you have one, wear it.

Anyway, I received the hospital bill today. Although I am not responsible for it, except for a $15 co-pay the bill is HUGE!! The insurance has paid the rest.

I bought a new VERY EXPENSIVE Ruby Carbon bike before the accident. I was supposed to get fitted for it the day of the accident. Instead I went on the group ride and planned to go there after. (Of course never got there.) The bike is paid for and they are holding it at the shop until I feel well enough to get it fitted.

The problem is I don't know if I want to ride anymore. Although my friends enccourage me, I am very depressed about so many things. First, the huge hospital bill that my wonderful employer's insurance is having to pay for and I am sure my accident will raise everyone's premiums next year, buying a new expensive bike when I can't seem ride the old one safely. I was also on medical disabilty for two weeks.

My friends are being very encouraging but it's not helping. Have any of you been in a serious accident and went back to riding. What did you think, How did you handle it, did you feel guilty about having an expensive bike, etc? I guess right now I need encouragement and wisdom from fellow riders. But if you think I should give up riding, please let me know that to. Nothing can hurt my feelings right now.

[makbike]

Kajero,

Hang in there. I was involved in a serious accident a couple of years ago and shattered the front fork of my new Orbea Diva (the bike was deemed a total loss). Like you I have great health insurance and fortunately my bike was fully insured. Though I did not miss two weeks of work I was out for a few days and had a hard time while at work (the after effects of my concussion). I too had a great circle of friends and my DH was equally supportive and encouraging. When I did get back on my bike (the one I rode in college) I was a bit jumpy at first but once I passed the place where I crashed and nothing bad happened to me I relaxed and enjoyed my short ride. I did replace my Diva with another Diva and have never looked back. The helmet I worn, the one that saved my life, sits in my home as a reminder and each time I pass it I send words of thanks skyward as I know how lucky I was on that terrible day.

I can't say I ever had any feelings of guilt about my bike as I knew I would replace it once I healed completely. I never had any guilty thoughts about my wonderful insurance as that is why I pay the premiums. I took back on my crash as learning experience - about bike handling, about how I react in an emergency, about the kindness of strangers, the love of my husband and the power of my faith.

As for giving up riding that is solely your call. Maybe you need to ask yourself how much you valued and enjoyed your time on your bike prior to your accident. When you ride are you at peace, does it clear your head, relieve stress, bring you joy? Remember, fear can be a powerful friend or a powerful foe - you have to decide how you want to channel your fears. If you quite riding how will you feel about yourself? Maybe you just need some time for your body and spirit to heal before you make any big decisions.

Heal quickly!

[Blueberry]

I don't think anyone but you can answer the question of whether you should return to riding. From a non-professional observer, it sounds like you have some issues resulting from the crash that, if I experienced them, might make me want to see a therapist to work through them. A professional might be able to help you treat/work through/whatever you need your depression.

What I can say is accidents happen. There are lots of women here who have had horrific crashes, and still ride. I wouldn't worry about the insurance bill or the disability time - that's what those things are for. Would you feel the same way if you were injured in a car wreck? Walking down a road? Had complications from a disease that progressed from a sedentary lifestyle? My opinion is that you're being too hard on yourself there. I also think you're being too hard on yourself about the bike. You deserve it whether or not you had an accident. They're called accidents for a reason.

Was the accident related to the group ride? I can tell you that my DH and I both ride in groups less now. He had a bad crash that was caused by someone else's bad bike handling. Our co-pays and bike damage were a lot of money. Some are cautious about riding alone - we're cautious about groups.

Gentle hugs.

[pll]

I have not had a serious accident, but, as Blueberry says, it seems to me you are being to harsh with yourself regarding the insurance bill.

As for riding again, do not push yourself. If you can/want, return the bike. You will always be able to find a new bike in the store and returning the one waiting may give you the emotional space to recover. I did fall once, in 2003, nothing serious, but for months afterwards I did not ride. I only started riding regularly again in 2006, when some close friends started to ride.

[Irulan]

Give yourself as much time as you need. I've had some pretty serious ( airborne) mountain bike crashes, and one summer all I did was ride fireroads, no trails, until you get your confidence back.

An attitude of gratitude is always a good thing to muster up. $15 co pay? Most Americans should be so fortunate. Count your blessings financially, for your health (it could always have been worse) and for your support system, among other things. But time more than anything will give you the answers you need.

[goldfinch]

I had a very serious accident on my bike April 14. I was on a group ride. fortunately I wear an ID on my shoe and the leader knew what hospital, who to call, etc. So if you have one, wear it.

Anyway, I received the hospital bill today. Although I am not responsible for it, except for a $15 co-pay the bill is HUGE!! The insurance has paid the rest.

I bought a new VERY EXPENSIVE Ruby Carbon bike before the accident. I was supposed to get fitted for it the day of the accident. Instead I went on the group ride and planned to go there after. (Of course never got there.) The bike is paid for and they are holding it at the shop until I feel well enough to get it fitted.

The problem is I don't know if I want to ride anymore. Although my friends enccourage me, I am very depressed about so many things. First, the huge hospital bill that my wonderful employer's insurance is having to pay for and I am sure my accident will raise everyone's premiums next year, buying a new expensive bike when I can't seem ride the old one safely. I was also on medical disabilty for two weeks.

My friends are being very encouraging but it's not helping. Have any of you been in a serious accident and went back to riding. What did you think, How did you handle it, did you feel guilty about having an expensive bike, etc? I guess right now I need encouragement and wisdom from fellow riders. But if you think I should give up riding, please let me know that to. Nothing can hurt my feelings right now.

It only has been a few weeks. No wonder you are anxious! Wait, heal.

As far as your employer's insurance cost going up it is unlikely that your experience is going to drive up the premiums. There are different rules depending on how large the employer is and depending on what state you live in, but states often restrict the ability of insurers of small employers to use claims in setting rates.

[Kiwi Stoker]

I too had a serious accident (5 days in hospital, 6 weeks off work). Please realise that the low mood you are feeling is part of the accident and is normal. It's due to the painkillers, the healing your body is doing etc.

Don't make any major decisions yet. Think over the accident. Was there anything you could of done to not cause it?

If so, make a resolution to correct that eg. I will never overlap wheels again, or I will learn to ride is a bunch correctly.

Borrow or get your Ruby and go for a ride by yourself in a safe place. How does it feel? Do your good cycling feelings return? Maybe give it a few goes.

If you then truely feel, I don't want to do this anymore, OK. But give yourself a chance.

[Irulan]

It only has been a few weeks. No wonder you are anxious! Wait, heal.

As far as your employer's insurance cost going up it is unlikely that your experience is going to drive up the premiums. There are different rules depending on how large the employer is and depending on what state you live in, but states often restrict the ability of insurers of small employers to use claims in setting rates.

<derail warning> when my husband's co worker had preemie twins, it most certainly affected the group premium wise in subsequent years. But we don't know OP's state, company size or any of that. We can leave the discussion on how messed up health insurance is in this country for another board. </derail warning>

And oh yeah, if you are still in recovery, on meds... more than anything take it easy mentally and physically. The drugs do a number on your emotional state even if you aren't aware of it. IF it were me, I'd put the bike in the shop and just take each day as it comes, and not worry about what I'd decide to do tomorrow. My DH had a mountain bike accident that put him in wheel chair for over a month, with a year and a half or so recovery. You bet he took it one day at a time and eventually he got back on the bike and thank god he's dialed it back a notch.

[Crankin]

You pay for insurance for the very reasons you used it! Why would you feel guilty? Believe me, they don't raise premiums based on one person...
As a mental health professional, I suggest you talk to someone about your fears. It 's very normal to be afraid of getting back on the bike. There are lots of women here on TE that have had very bad crashes; they all took the time they needed to get back to riding in whatever way they needed to.
Riding is such a huge part of my life, I know that if I was hurt from a crash, I would focus my recovery on getting back on my bike. I have a very good friend who broke his hip 2 months before we were supposed to go on a bike trip. It was a freak accident, but although he has a bit of a limp, he is as fast as ever on his bike. He took his rehab very seriously and did over and above what he needed to. This was 2 years ago and he still is doing focused personal training and massage to work on his injury.
And, I concur about riding in groups. I have done less and less of it in the past 2 years, for the reasons everyone has stated.

[rivergal]

I'll ditto giving yourself time. I haven't had an accident, but my neighbor had about the worst you could have and survive. She did return to cycling eventually, but during her recovery found kayaking as well. It was a long journey for her. Maybe her story will give you some courage.
Martha's Story on Growing Bolder

Take care and be kind to yourself.

[OakLeaf]

No experience here, but I'll second the advice to take time and be gentle with yourself both physically and emotionally. I'm still particular about drafting after my wreck a year ago December, and that was just sprains, contusions and lacerations. You don't need to make any major decisions right now.

W/R/T insurance, there's a big difference between a trauma like yours, that you expect to heal from completely, vs. an employee or family member with a chronic illness. Whatever happens in that regard, there's nothing you can do about it now anyway. That's why you have insurance - why your employer provides it for you.

Let go of self-blame. If you can learn from the wreck, figure out how you could prevent it from happening in the future, then great - I learned a lot from my last two, but honestly the learning and understanding of my last moto crash didn't really start until after I'd healed and gotten my new bike and started riding again. But blame - beating yourself up for something that's already past - that doesn't help anything, and it hurts you a lot.

(((((((kajero))))))) Take good care.

[pll]

I'll ditto giving yourself time. I haven't had an accident, but my neighbor had about the worst you could have and survive. She did return to cycling eventually, but during her recovery found kayaking as well. It was a long journey for her. Maybe her story will give you some courage.
Martha's Story on Growing Bolder

Take care and be kind to yourself.

Wow! What a remarkable woman.

[kajero]

Martha's Story on Growing Bolder

What a beautiful story and what a great website. Now I have something to look at when I surf the net.

thanks for all your replies. They are really helping. I am seeing things in other ways and it really, really helps.

[emily_in_nc]

I had a serious cycling accident (5 days in hospital, surgery, 9 weeks off work) in 2005, and was back on the bike 3 months later. I was slow, careful, and shaky, but I figured the best thing I could do was to get back out there. Give yourself all the time you need and DON'T FEEL GUILTY! It was an accident, but you are probably still suffering a post-traumatic reaction, so don't do anything crazy like sell your bike. This is not the time for big decisions. Just take it day by day, and when you feel it is right to get back on, you'll know.

[kajero]

You people are the GREATEST. Reading all the posts has really made me think. It's absolutely wonderful how you are presenting different sides of things. I never even thought of what a lot of you have suggested. It is really helping me to look at different sides of everything.

Once again, you are the greatest and I thank you for being here.