Obesity and addiction

[Wahine]

I continue to be fascinated by this thread. There is so much insight here.

My situation and past experience is very different from what most of you are discussing here. But the more I think about it, the more it makes me wonder about when and how such seriuos food issues start. Mostly because I never want to end up in that boat.

I haven't been that active on the forum for the last few years, but those of you who remember me from before may remember that I was a fairly serious Ironman athlete. One of the interesting things about Ironman is that when you are training that much, you eat a ton. In retrospect I think I was actually eating too much a lot of the time during the week. On long workout weekends, it's pretty hard to overeat. I never lost a lot of weight training for IM. In fact sometimes I would put weight on. But I never worried about it, I just assumed that my body would adjust and I would eat what I needed.

Fast forward to about 1.5 years ago. I put on about 10 lbs after IM, during my recovery season, and it never really came off last summer. I was just riding mostly. This winter comes and I put on another 5 lbs. So come January, I was the heaviest I've ever been and activity modification was not doing the job. You can only increase your activity level so much when you're already really active to begin with. So I decided that I would start tracking my caloric expenditure and intake very closely and try to run an appropriate 20% deficit per day.

What an eye opener. I've lost 10 lbs and I have another 5 to go to get back to my fighting weight so to speak. I am amazed at how skewed my perception of what a healthy portion size was and how little I actually burn on that run or ride. But what's getting me now is that I do not want to be obsessed with what I eat. I don't want to feel like I have to record every little thing. It just doesn't seem psychologically healthy to be preoccupied by it. I want food to be joyful and not conrtolling.

So what I've done is kept track of my eating and exercise during the week, but on the weekends, I let it go. I'm not doing as well with my weight loss as I was, but I think I'm OK with that, because I don't want to be obsessed with it.

I'm not fearful that I will go down the obesity road, or that I will end up with an eating disorder. But I wonder if that's how it starts for some people.

[GLC1968]

But the more I think about it, the more it makes me wonder about when and how such seriuos food issues start. Mostly because I never want to end up in that boat.

From my experience, I think that food issues (the severe ones) start well outside of the kitchen.

I know that for me, my issues started with social and familial pressures. I wasn't who I felt I should be (or who I felt others wanted me to be) so I blamed my weight and therefore what I ate. From there I 'learned' to be ashamed of eating and of my body. Food was at fault, but it was also a way of punishing myself for not being in control. Add in a personality that was fairly obsessive about stuff and my issues grew. THEN, you throw in the entire 'low fat' concept that was touted in the 80's, fake non-food additives and then the convenience of highly processed fast food (either at restaurants or in 'snack' form) and a busy life and it was a vicious, vicious circle.

Anyway, I think it is a combination of factors. When I was younger, I had a good friend who was a severe anorexic in remission. We used to have lots of long talks about this stuff and I remember being totally stunned that we had so much in common but that we'd had so totally different outcomes. I remember thinking the exact same thing when I had a heart to heart with my obese aunt. We obviously share some of the same DNA (she was my dad's sister) but I remember being shocked that we had similar food, personality and body image issues. She had the added factors of being inactive and having a food pushing mother so her outcome was different from mine.

I would think that it may be possible that starting down the obsessive road of tracking every little thing and calorie might be a trigger for bigger problems IF there are already underlying or unresolved issues. I don't think that just getting crazy about calories (or points or whatever) is necessarily going to do it on it's own.

[channlluv]

There's a lot I'd like to share here, but can't right now. You all are mostly familiar with my weight struggles, though, and yes, I agree it's an addiction, or something close.

I just wanted to add, though, that for someone like me, being included in a group of women who define themselves as athletes is very empowering.

Roxy

[Crankin]

GLC, I am that thin, athletic woman you never thought had to struggle with eating. If I wasn't as rigid as Goldfinch, I'd weigh at least 25 pounds more, even with a good level of activity. Like Wahine, I get sick of being obsessive about this, and every Tuesday and Thursday, when I leave for the gym at 5:15 AM, I tell my DH "I get sick of being healthy sometimes." I do loosen up on the weekends, too, but so far I've been able to stay within the 2 lb. range I set for myself. So, while I go out and enjoy my food, I don't throw all caution to the wind.
I am going to have my first long riding weekend this weekend, 3 days, as it's a holiday here on Monday. I know I will be ravenous.

[goldfinch]

GLC, I am that thin, athletic woman you never thought had to struggle with eating. If I wasn't as rigid as Goldfinch, I'd weigh at least 25 pounds more, even with a good level of activity. Like Wahine, I get sick of being obsessive about this, and every Tuesday and Thursday, when I leave for the gym at 5:15 AM, I tell my DH "I get sick of being healthy sometimes." I do loosen up on the weekends, too, but so far I've been able to stay within the 2 lb. range I set for myself. So, while I go out and enjoy my food, I don't throw all caution to the wind.
I am going to have my first long riding weekend this weekend, 3 days, as it's a holiday here on Monday. I know I will be ravenous.

Unfortunately, I think we have to be obsessive.

[azfiddle]

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts, experiences and knowledge here.

I think the hormone and fat cell research is fascinating and really quite discouraging in some ways. I lost about 38 pounds starting 3 1/2 years ago, but have 5 lbs back on and am really struggling to get back to my goal again. Knowing I have to eat less or work harder than someone else who is my weight, simply because I used to be more overweight seems incredibly unfair! (I just want to kill those extra fat cells!)

I have had the yo-yo dieting experience quite a few times- but have kept much more off this time and for longer. Comments and attitudes of other people can be quite challenging. For example- after losing a significant amount but not being at goal, people often said "You don't need to lose any more weight". Or when my "best friend" got irritated about me and my food choices and finally admitted that she was jealous. At one point, only about half way to my goal she actually tried to tell me that I should stop trying to lose any more weight because I would probably gain it back anyway.

Anyway- this is a great discussion, and Goldfinch, thank you for sharing your knowledge so articulately.

[goldfinch]

Unfortunately, moderate still feels extreme to me and constant means having to be singleminded if not obsessive. So, normal, as in occurring naturally, isn't a term that fits for me.

I agree that building muscle will help the metabolism. And, exercise, whether it is building muscle or doing cardio, is psychologically rewarding because it is active and can give you a dose of endorphins. Exercise and endorphins are linked to feelings of well being.

Better living through chemistry.

[never2late]

There's a lot I'd like to share here, but can't right now. You all are mostly familiar with my weight struggles, though, and yes, I agree it's an addiction, or something close.

I just wanted to add, though, that for someone like me, being included in a group of women who define themselves as athletes is very empowering.

Roxy

It definitely is empowering to be a part of this thread, in reading the struggles and challenges so many have overcome and/or still battling. I, too, could share much about overcoming DECADES long eating addictions...I've finally come through to the other side, but not without living the shame.

I think it is absolutely wonderful that this forum exists to nurture others.

[emily_in_nc]

Unfortunately, I think we have to be obsessive.

I really think you've hit on it. And I think that's why I've gained weight since moving to Belize and can't seem to get on top of it and just lose the few friggin' lbs. I'd like to lose: I've stopped being obsessive about food. There is so much new to enjoy here, food-wise, restaurant-wise, social-wise, and drink-wise (not just adult beverages but even lovely fresh fruit juices/smoothies), that even with all the exercise I do, I no longer deny myself nearly as many of those pleasures as I used to.

Is it worth 5 lbs? I'm still not sure. I loved being at the low end of my weight range, feeling good in a bikini, and having my clothes fit me loosely, rather than I how I feel right now (chubby). On the other hand, I am enjoying being a bit less of a control freak around food than I've been since I decided not to be "fat and forty", headed back to the gym, and changed my way of eating so that I could lose the 15 lbs. I'd gradually put on in my 30s. I lived in a rather obsessive way around food for 10 years. I will probably have to get back to that if I am ever going to get back to the weight I'm happiest at.

Sigh...

[goldfinch]

You've had a major lifestyle shift in the last couple of years. It will take time for the mind to shift along with it. Just think moderate and calm. Eventually, it is possible to change perception. It is also important for the body to become adjusted to its current weight. It fights us after weight-loss. This, unfortunately, is normal for most people.

Whether the body ever really does adjust, and it is not clear that it does, I am content with my discontent. The older I get, the better I deal well with ambiguity.

[Catrin]

You've had a major lifestyle shift in the last couple of years. It will take time for the mind to shift along with it. Just think moderate and calm. Eventually, it is possible to change perception...

THIS! Even though I've lost a total of 80 pounds since my heaviest (and 50 of that in 2010-2011), in my head I still "see" myself as fat. I know what size I wear, I get people's reactions who haven't seen me in a couple of years - but that internal image is still there. I think it is finally starting to moderate, but still... It takes time & I begin to wonder if I will ever really be there and all I can see in the mirror is that excess body fat that I still have - but that is normal I think (hope). So Goldfinch, I hear exactly what you are saying.

Ambiguity isn't a bad thing - thankfully for me

It DOES help to be able to physically do things I once thought impossible for ME to do

[Owlie]

THIS! Even though I've lost a total of 80 pounds since my heaviest (and 50 of that in 2010-2011), in my head I still "see" myself as fat. I know what size I wear, I get people's reactions who haven't seen me in a couple of years - but that internal image is still there. I think it is finally starting to moderate, but still... It takes time & I begin to wonder if I will ever really be there and all I can see in the mirror is that excess body fat that I still have - but that is normal I think (hope). So Goldfinch, I hear exactly what you are saying.

Ambiguity isn't a bad thing - thankfully for me

It DOES help to be able to physically do things I once thought impossible for ME to do

That. I've never been significantly overweight, and while I'm only a little lighter than I had been in high school (where I was rather squishy), that still follows me around. I wore baggy t-shirts to hide the muffin top....and most of the rest of my clothing was a size larger than necessary. It has taken me a while to be able to buy clothing that actually fits following a weight "redistribution".

I'm trying to remove a few pounds at the moment. I want to stay away from the calorie counting and weighing and tracking every.little.thing. I tend to be obsessive and a perfectionist in other aspects of my life (except housekeeping!), and I know myself well enough to know that that would be a bad road to go down.

[lph]

Whether the body ever really does adjust, and it is not clear that it does, I am content with my discontent. The older I get, the better I deal well with ambiguity.

This was a nice point.

I've been thinking about how to handle the gap between focusing to get what you want, and not letting that want take over your life. I realize that for someone struggling to control their weight, tracking intake is essential, maybe for life. But I also realize that if I had set myself a specific weight goal and started tracking my progress I would go from relaxed about food to pretty obsessive in no time at all. BTDT, with other goals. And I would probably not be content until I'd reached that goal, while if I hadn't had a specific goal I would be content within some kind of fluctuation, where I "felt" fitter or leaner or my clothes fit better. And time spent being not content has its price too. Am I making sense here?

Actually this goes for all goals. The more specific, the more black and white it becomes - either you make it and are satisfied, or you don't - boo. But when it comes to health, it's not like one certain spot is the only healthy place to be, it's a sliding scale, where one end is worse and the other end is better.

Any thoughts?

[Wahine]

Actually this goes for all goals. The more specific, the more black and white it becomes - either you make it and are satisfied, or you don't - boo. But when it comes to health, it's not like one certain spot is the only healthy place to be, it's a sliding scale, where one end is worse and the other end is better.

Any thoughts?

So this is a little off topic but this is a problem in my field. We are constantly being told to make clear and measureable goals with patients to trake progress. I'm all for tracking progress, but I think it's really disheartening when I make a goal with a patient like "knee will bend 120 degrees in 3 weeks time" and we don't get there for some very valid reason. Or maybe for no tangible reason at all, maybe it's just the way a person is built or wired. Then the patient gets upset because we didn't meet the goal, it often affects motivation negatively...

So I really like the idea of not putting such strict parameters on goals. For some people. I guess it might be very important for others.

[shootingstar]

So I really like the idea of not putting such strict parameters on goals. For some people. I guess it might be very important for others.

+1 If I put super strict parameters on goals for myself, I would be completely demotivated for the times I couldn't reach the goal (temporarily).

Sometimes it's better I practice better "living" health-wise regularily and temporarily "forget" about tracking myself towards a certain "goal".