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Thread: Dear So and So

  1. #3406
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    4,516

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    Dear Mom-

    I'm frustrated. Really frustrated. I put myself through college without your bothering to even pay the parent contribution, provided summer housing for myself during that time and worked to provide food/books/etc., with my partner's help been through law school and paid off almost all of the loans, and worked for a number of years. You've not been there when I moved (even in college), bought a house, when I could have used a shoulder, or when I needed financial help. Since I don't know when - probably sometime in high school - but even then, it was my grandparents.

    Now - you expect me to come to visit you without my partner (because you can't be bother to deal with him despite the fact that he's a wonderful person who has give you no reason to dislike him) to help you clean up the wreck that is your life. Where were you when I needed you? Heck, where are you now? We're not having an easy time either with the economy, and are trying to clean out the crud you dumped on us so we can downsize if we need to. I could live without the guilt trips, and I really don't appreciate your trying to put a wedge in between me and the person I've been in a relationship with for 16 years (and married to for 11). Didn't you learn you lesson on that one after you wrecked my high school graduation?

    Back off, and maybe, just maybe, we can have a relationship (though I don't think it will ever be normal, and it certainly won't be the 5 phone call a day nightmare you want).
    Most days in life don't stand out, But life's about those days that will...

  2. #3407
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Between the Blue Ridge and the Chesapeake Bay
    Posts
    5,203
    ((((((Blueberry))))))

  3. #3408
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Beautiful NW or Left Coast
    Posts
    5,619
    Stick to your guns, Blueberry, you're RIGHT!
    I like Bikes - Mimi
    Watercolor Blog

    Davidson Custom Bike - Cavaletta
    Dahon 2009 Sport - Luna
    Old Raleigh Mixte - Mitzi

  4. #3409
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Boise Idaho
    Posts
    1,162
    Dear Parks Department,
    Why is it that the biggest park, known for a meeting place for cyclists doesn't have decent bike rack? Seriously, there are bike riders who use their bikes for transportation, not just sport and we'd like a safe spot to lock our vehicle (ie bike) I had to ride a 1/2 mile away to the local brew pub for a decent bike rack so I could go on a hike with friends.
    Sky King
    ____________________
    Gilles Berthoud "Bernard"
    Surly ECR "Eazi"
    Empowering the Bicycle Traveler
    biketouringnews.com

  5. #3410
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    San Diego, CA
    Posts
    1,316
    Blueberry, I recognize this pattern of behavior. Your mother doesn't want to deal with your partner because he's been better for you than she ever was. You've accomplished a lot on your own, without her help, and maybe even in spite of her actions or non-actions. She's probably feeling guilty for not being a better parent to you, and that's the source of her laying guilt trips on you. If you feel guilty for not being a better daughter, she can ignore her own part in your upbringing.

    I think I'd dump every piece of furniture or whatever she's dumped on you. Just donate it to Goodwill or have Amvets come pick it up or something. It's obviously not blessing you. Let it bless someone else.

    I get rid of more stuff like that. It's not blessing me. Let it bless someone else. I wish it were that easy to get rid of the non-blessing emotional attachments.

    Do you feel responsible for her? My mother sometimes calls me four or five times a day. She's lonely a lot and needy, but I had a similar lack-of-parenting upbringing. I often ignore her calls. She'll leave a message. I can return it or delete it, but it's my choice.

    You're doing the right thing. Stand tall.

    Roxy
    Getting in touch with my inner try-athlete.

  6. #3411
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Tucson, AZ
    Posts
    4,632
    ((Blueberry))
    Dear jerk in a Cadillac--
    I can only go as fast as the vehicle in front of me. When this vehicle is a semi on a winding road, that isn't going to be all that fast. Riding my back bumper is not going to magically make me go faster, nor is it going to make that semi disappear. Moron.
    By the way, had you rear-ended me with the bike on the back, I'd have jammed that old tube in the back seat down your throat. FYI.

    The Honda driver.

    (Not-so?) Dear LBS,
    I've always had my reservations about you, but you were the only game I knew of at the time, you are the only one in town that carries Giant (so I figured you should know about its little quirks, which you do), and the fact that I liked the wrenches (at least, most of them) made up for the sometimes spotty customer service record. (And just so you know, while the managers and a few other people are really good, the sixteen-year-old salespeople...let's just say I know more about what they're selling than they do.)

    Your new location, while extremely convenient, has sadly put another shop out of business. While I haven't dealt with this shop much (its location on a busy road doesn't help anything), the couple times I went in there, the salespeople knew their products. The owner took half an hour to check what was wrong with the fit on my Giant, offered some suggestions (even though this shop didn't offer fitting services) to make it more comfortable, and ran through some specs with me of the Madone models I was looking at. I don't know how, but the way you do things has put a really nice little shop out of business.

    I feel dirty.
    At least I don't leave slime trails.
    http://wholecog.wordpress.com/

    2009 Giant Avail 3 |Specialized Jett 143

    2013 Charge Filter Apex| Specialized Jett 143
    1996(?) Giant Iguana 630|Specialized Riva


    Saving for the next one...

  7. #3412
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    2,704
    Dear Laptop-

    First, your battery life went to he!! in a handbasket, and now the battery won't charge at all I sincerely hope that the new battery that I just ordered fixes the problem....it really wasn't money that I had planned on spending!

    Love,
    Grouchy

  8. #3413
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    4,516
    Thank you Tulip, Mimi, Roxy & Owlie - I'm feeling better about my decisions, and do plan to stick to my guns
    Last edited by Blueberry; 08-22-2011 at 07:20 PM. Reason: Typo
    Most days in life don't stand out, But life's about those days that will...

  9. #3414
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    1,645
    Dearest wet puppydog,

    I love you very much, but please let me eat my dinner in peace.

    Love,
    That person who takes care of you when your "fun parent" is away.
    Last edited by NbyNW; 08-22-2011 at 08:25 PM.
    2014 Bobbin Bramble / Brooks B67
    2008 Rodriguez Rainier Mirage / Terry Butterfly Tri Gel
    2007 Dahon Speed Pro TT / Biologic Velvet
    1998? GT Rebound / Serfas Gel

  10. #3415
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    178
    Dear half-siblings,

    Honestly? No, the amount of money my parents seem to spend on travel and entertainment does not concern me. It shouldn't concern you, either. It's none of our business.

    They've told you on numerous occasions that their burial arrangements have already been handled, so no one need be concerned about that. Their house is paid for in full, they have no out-of-pocket medical expenses because dad spent 30+ years of his life serving in the military, they only make big purchases with cash, the two credit cards they have are paid in full every month, and they spent their entire working lives together planning and saving for their retirement so they have a pretty decent handle on their finances.

    In case you need a reminder, dad is 82 years old now and he has cancer...on top of plenty of other issues. He also loves to travel and gather new experiences, so that's what my mother is trying to make sure he gets to do in the time between all of his medical appointments, tests and scans.

    If this is how they want to spend their money, shut up and let them have at it.

    Somehow, I think your concern is less about their financial well-being and more about how much you think you'll be getting after dad passes. Buttheads.

    Annoyed,
    /me
    2009 BMC Road Racer SL 01 / Specialized Ruby 155
    2007 LeMond Reno / Luna Chix Team Saddle
    1980-something Lotus Odyssey / Brooks Finesse
    1992 Bridgestone RB-2 / Brooks B-17 Imperial
    Nada Bike singlespeed / Brooks Team Pro in white

  11. #3416
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Concord, MA
    Posts
    13,394
    +1 Blueberry.
    I am a firm believer in setting firm boundaries or even excluding relatives who are toxic. I have some friends who think I am incredibly mean and uncaring, but, I need to be around people who are positive and mentally healthy, not manipulative and needy.
    2015 Trek Silque SSL
    Specialized Oura

    2011 Guru Praemio
    Specialized Oura
    2017 Specialized Ariel Sport

  12. #3417
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Beautiful NW or Left Coast
    Posts
    5,619
    To whom it may concern
    It really was crazy to let our Italian friends stay with us for almost 2 months! Screaming baby, backed up sink, no peace and quiet, oh my, the quiet. DH took them to the airport tomorrow and I walked around the house in a daze - it seemed so empty. We're really going to miss them. It was an opportunity of a lifetime and now it's over.
    When opportunity knocks, say yes and don't look back. I'm glad we did.
    I like Bikes - Mimi
    Watercolor Blog

    Davidson Custom Bike - Cavaletta
    Dahon 2009 Sport - Luna
    Old Raleigh Mixte - Mitzi

  13. #3418
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Phillipston, MA
    Posts
    445
    Dear Health Care Gods:

    Thank you for letting me find myself in a situation where I have excellent health care benefits, and an employer who offers a choice for these benefits. After $750, I pay nothing. And even up to 2 years ago, I didn't even have that deductible. This is the summer of the second oncologist, the first, still my pal for another 3.5 years. Over the last 2 months with at least 24 blood draws, an MRI, a couple of ultrasounds, and as of 2 days ago a core axillary lymph node biopsy with 5 samples, they are looking for a possible new cancer. I've looked online at the new claims I no longer have to pay. Wow - I certainly have gotten my money's worth out of all the years of premiums I've paid. It's funny, after going through the first cancer, biopsies, waiting for results, visits to the cancer wing simply feel like going to my primary for strep throat or something. Get it done, then on my way an off to work like any other day. It's that routine. I do not fret, I'm not anxious, I have fun, I sleep at night, and I enjoy my vacation. Fate will play it's way into your life in one way or another. Just live with optimism

    Speaking of which, I hope RaleighDon is doing ok.
    And Marni seems to be on her way.....

  14. #3419
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Tucson, AZ
    Posts
    4,632
    Not-dear old electric company (and gas company):
    I paid the bills myself, on time, for a year. And apparently none of this came up in the credit check, so I'm stuck paying the new electric company a rather large security deposit. I can almost understand the electricity, because they spelled my first name incorrectly (though it should still be tied to my SSN) and never corrected it even though I called about it. I don't understand why the gas thing isn't on there, since they actually got that right.

    Not-dear new electric company--
    Is it because nothing came up in the credit history check? The fact that I'm a student? Or the fact that I have never had service with you before? I'm an unknown quantity, and according to your company policy, that means I'm automatically not going to make payments on time? How the heck do you spend $60 a month for a 1BR apartment, anyway? (Granted, the stove and heat is electric, but still, I was paying $30 a month for a two-bedroom with a power hog computer in the mix.) I'd better get that deposit back with interest, jerks.
    And your hold music is incredibly irritating.
    At least I don't leave slime trails.
    http://wholecog.wordpress.com/

    2009 Giant Avail 3 |Specialized Jett 143

    2013 Charge Filter Apex| Specialized Jett 143
    1996(?) Giant Iguana 630|Specialized Riva


    Saving for the next one...

  15. #3420
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Beautiful NW or Left Coast
    Posts
    5,619
    Dear Mudmucker
    My goodness hearing from you gives me an entirely new perspective on this cancer thing. Raleighdon is still going to appointment after appointment, but we believe that after today we will have A PLAN and chemo/radiation to commence...
    thanks for your good thoughts.
    I like Bikes - Mimi
    Watercolor Blog

    Davidson Custom Bike - Cavaletta
    Dahon 2009 Sport - Luna
    Old Raleigh Mixte - Mitzi

 

 

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