The weaker sex (a tad bit bawdy)

[horsemom]

We started to " bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training
bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with
those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies,
had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed
cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex for the
first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus
through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his
little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was
about.

Then it' was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers
and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over
Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we
learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking
our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have
Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we
pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the
dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of
the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain
all the way to the ER.

Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, "Please stop
screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more good push
(more like 10)," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the
%*#!* (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling,
mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole!

After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all
that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking,
jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.


Then come their "Teen Years." Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in
our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

So we progress into the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of
all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now
seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog
in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off
anything that moves.



Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off
so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the
woods without soaking their socks...

So, while I love being a woman, "Womanhood" would make the Great Gandhi a
tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me

[DebW]

At least we don't have prostate trouble.

[Kitsune06]

AH! HA!

Thank you!

However...
it's totally possible to pee in the woods without soaking yer socks. It just requires practice. We posted of this before somewhere...

[KnottedYet]

I could say something succinct about men's sexual peaks vs women's, and choosing your partners wisely.... but I won't.

[Kitsune06]

Oh, come now, Knot. Humor thread has gotten far more bawdy than that.
We could get into how the avg guy is abt done after an hour or two, and if you're doin' it right, that's when it really starts heating up!

And sexual peaks- well hell, since it doesn't *pay* for women to *bother* trying to match that one up with the menfolks...

We could cover the magic of the refractory period....

"Done after a couple?! Ha! Just do this for a couple minutes... mmmmMMMMMMmmmmmmmm~ oh! Oooh! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh...."

I was so sure that somewhere, there would be a "10 reasons why my buzz-buzz is better than a man" joke on the internet... but I'm not seeing one. Why now? So I have to write my own. Bawdy. So deliciously bawdy.

1. He doesn't have to wear a condom unless I want him to- and then he doesn't complain.

2. I never have to curl up next to a hairy azz at night to play with him. ...He also, himself, is not a hairy azz.

3. Toilet seat stays down; bathroom floor, seat, etc etc all stay impeccably clean.

4. My buzz buzz has never sat on the couch watching sports, nor does he invite friends over to do the same.

5. When he gets dirty, he goes in the dishwasher. True he doesn't DO dishes, but at least he *associates* with the dishwasher on SOME level.

6. He can go hours without stopping and when he does, a couple AAs perk him right up

7. He's exactly as big as advertized

8. He doesn't start without me.... Come to think of it, he doesn't stop before me, either

9. I haven't woken up once having my kidneys jabbed or butt poked!

10. I know with absolute certainty....

He won't drink my beer!