Why a women's forum?

[jobob]

Ah, I misunderstood, nevermind.

You now have me thinking of Switzerland.
Mmm, chocolate.
Mmmmm, very attractive time trialists.

[PamNY]

When I found this forum, I wasn't looking for or thinking about a women's group. I have certainly benefited tremendously from the guidance and emotional support; how much the gender of participants has to do with that, I can't say for sure.

I do enjoy the literate and civil atmosphere, and I like getting advice from intelligent and thoughtful people.

I like Mr. Bloom, too. Issues with his ex-wife (if there are any) are none of my business. I enjoyed posts from both of them on this forum.

[marni]

Almost every forum I have ever belonged to has ended up in a nasty flame war at some point. I have quit quite a few forums because of this. I join a forum to gain information, interact with other people who enjoy the same things I do, who have some common sense, pragmatism, a sense of humor, and can write legibly and intelligently. That is why I enjoy TE so much.

I don't want to have to leave this forum as well because of all of the nasty negative spewing currently going on.

Will everybody please go for a bike ride, blow off some steam and close this topic out.

Or better yet, start a new thread entitled flame war and everybody vent their wroth and ire and I will ignore it and then we can get back to riding and chatting as usual.

thank you very much

marni

[lph]

I'm sorry if this thread has been distressing to some, or feels ugly. Frankly I feel that any "controversy" it's brought up should be aired from time to time. I deliberately posed an open question in the first place, because I'm more interested in hearing people's general opinion about TE, and about what we feel is important and unique about it than just a "who gets to be here", which we don't really get to decide anyway. But I figured that if it being a womens forum was important to people, it would be discussed, maybe with some insight as to why. And if it's not important to many people, that would be (is!) an interesting point too.

But I'd like to add that whether you like someone or not doesn't really matter. There are people here I don't like that much, I'm sure there are people here who don't like me much, but as long as we behave we still have a right to be here. In the same vein it's possible to voice an opinion as to whether this should be purely a womens forum regardless of what you happen to think of Mr. Bloom, or PsyclePath, or any other man who sometimes posts here. To put it this way, many of us are happily married, but don't particularly want our dhs and boyfriends posting here with us. Not for any secrecy, anyone can read it as we all know, but because women-only spaces are hard to find, like someone mentioned. Especially maybe for us women cyclists.

My own opinion? Like I said earlier, I feel that women-only groups tend to express themselves differently than mixed groups. I feel that TEs unique nature has to do with the overwhelming majority of the posters being female. And yes, if I were given the choice, I would prefer it to be exclusively female.

[Kiwi Stoker]

I read and participate in a few forums. Like some have mentioned Bikeforums is a totally different world to TE. I mainly stay in the Tandem section in which there is a good feeling of helping there.

I also belong to a Art forum which is mixed, lots of men and everyone is from all around the world. It actually has been pretty good there as people post their work for comments. The forum has a guide about commenting and the moderators are pretty good in making it work. Only once did someone post a belittling comment about someone's first piece of art and that was removed. The poster was a woman which was strange. She later apologised and it hasn't been mentioned again on that thread.

You do have to show sensitivity, especially when you have an artist posting a picture of one of the Spiritual leaders he had done for his brother, but everyone was able to find merit in the work. I was expecting someone to say something inappropiate but they didn't.

I think it also boils down to what the topic is, how the forum is setup and managed and the people participating. Obviously artists both male and female on that forum can co-exist well. Possibly as art is a level playing field between the sexes.

[Orange utopia]

I am kind of new here. I posted on here for a short period a few years back under a different user name but I couldn't remember it when I started posting again this time. I just took the time to use the search function and found it, I was mom2twins back in 2005.

Anyway, I left because life got in the way and I stopped ridding for a long time. I came back because I like the feel of community here. I like thinking that I can ask a question or voice a concern and there won't be a lot of sarcastic replies.

I have another forum I am a member of that is women only. We are all motherss of twins and most of us have been together for 8-9 years. Used to have a public board that would often get trolls and nosey husbands but then we went private a few years ago and made an agreement that we wouldn't give our dh's or other men access.

However, that was a different kind of place. We didn't get a lot of new members and by that time we were mostly a set group that had been together a long long time and it had stopped being a support group for parenting twins and more of just a hang out place for friends. Even then I was in the minority and against going private. I didn't even care if men wanted to participate as long as they were civil. But i was out voted.

[Crankin]

I could care less if men want to be on TE. As long as everyone adheres to the philosophy of the forum.
Paternalistic? I get that feeling from other posters, not just the male ones. The changing a flat thread brought that out and most of it was directed toward me! Maybe paternalistic isn't the right word, but there was a lot of "what's wrong with you?" in that thread. I decided to go out on a limb by posting my true issues and fears, and some responded with the comment that I was acting like a dependent woman, just get with it. And the one that bothered me the most was from someone I actually have met. A few of you were gracious enough to PM me and ask if I was offended by your comments, and honestly it wasn't the comments from those of you who sent a PM that made me feel badly.
I am not experienced in the ways of forums, because TE is the only one I participate in. Sometimes I read articles on various sites and look at the comments underneath. The level of vehemence and overall stupidity amazes me, so I have no desire to participate in anything else on line. A few weeks ago, I posted a link to an article about my former exchange student in Velo News. I could not believe the nasty comments people posted about him at the end of the article. So, my take is that in general, people are uncomfortable with things or people that are different from them, those who have had success, or those with more money. The level of anger against men in general, surprises me. Believe me, I've met my share of azzholes, and they come in both genders.

[redrhodie]

To put it this way, many of us are happily married, but don't particularly want our dhs and boyfriends posting here with us. Not for any secrecy, anyone can read it as we all know, but because women-only spaces are hard to find, like someone mentioned. Especially maybe for us women cyclists.

I would hate it my bf was here, because I think I'd have to further edit everything I wrote. This is my space. Although I never say anything that outrageous, I still speak my mind and don't want to have to watch every punctuation mark. We don't fight a lot, but we do debate whether it's hot or cold all the time, if you know what I mean.

[snapdragen]

Sometimes I read articles on various sites and look at the comments underneath. The level of vehemence and overall stupidity amazes me, so I have no desire to participate in anything else on line. .

Crankin, I've stopped reading any comments attached to a news article online. They always seem to bring out the worst in humanity, it's so depressing.

[Blueberry]

Snap - better words of wisdom were never spoken....

[maillotpois]

I have wondered if the mods ever check on who is the most ignored poster. OMG, what if it's me?

Veronica

We didn't want to tell you.....

[administrator]

Lots of monotonous work for Jeff/Susan to look after

Actually, Snap does almost all the heavy lifting in this regard, and we rely on forum members to notify us of the trolls/spammers. Usually, by the time I get the notification in my inbox, she has already taken care of it! Many thanks to Snapdragen and our other moderators!!

[spokewench]

I like TE because it is civil. Sometimes I have to distance myself from other forums because they are so "un-civil". It is also nice to talk to other women about female issues and get the perspective that is a female perspective vs. a male perspective. I do not believe that is in any way prejudicial to men. The beauty of life is that we are all different.

Even this thread has, on the whole, been civil. Of course, there are different opinions, but most of them have been thoughtfully presented. This is what I appreciate about this forum and am glad that it exists even though I hardly ride a bike anymore after living and breathing bikes for years.

[Pax]

We didn't want to tell you.....

LOL!!!

[lph]

LOL!!!

How would we know she asked?