Dear So and So

[OakLeaf]

Hahahahahaha ... when I started reading your post I was thinking the same thing and how we were thinking I wish cellular internet was less expensive so we could drop the DSL!! If you're out in the sticks like we are, landline internet is pretty much guaranteed to be way slow.

Even the fact that 4G is way quicker ought to give you an indication of the speeds we get with rural DSL ...

[Fredwina]

I know. Just managed a week with a 3G modem that had a 2gb monthly limit. now have cable, since I couldn't get DSL where I'm now living. The furniture and bike arrives tomorrow - still hoping I made the right move, but having mom 6 floors down makes a world of difference in my mind.

[Helene2013]

I hear you on this....although we have excellent internet at home, our cell phone is crappy. We have no land-line anymore as we each have our cell phone but still we can't really talk everywhere in the house as the signal is too weak in some area. Viva living rural....although we are called a city.

By the way was listening to a short video last night and it is Food for thought!

A short clip from a family who decided to live "differently" for a year.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/...board/follows/

Morgan Patey and Blair McMillan have committed to living an entire year like it's 1986 to help them unplug and spend time with their kids


Would you go back to living for a year as if we were in 1986? Which means very basic electronics, etc...

I know I could not. I could try a week (not counting work). But ipads, netflix, etc are so into our lives (for most of us) that we forget sometimes how to do things differently.

[Pax]

We are getting closer and closer to the 80's. neither of us likes technology very much and while it's handy at times, it has become a huge time suck. We no longer have cable or internet at home, if we need to check on something we still have iPhones for a few more months, once we get through my moms estate stuff we're going to pay the penalty and ditch the smart phones and go back to cheapie flip phones.

I know part of it for me was being on-call 24-7 with my mom for over six years, now that my time is my own again I keep my phone shut off much of the time; the feeling of being unavailable is priceless. It is taking time for my friends to learn to contact me in advance if they want to do something since I may not check my phone for hours (if at all) that day.

[Helene2013]

Sometimes I wished we could disconnect from today's reality. Technology is great. No doubt about it. If it was not for internet, I would never have found some great discussion boards and met in person dozens and dozens of people across Canada and USA and made true valuable friendship.

But like you say Pax it is taking precious time away for things we could do.

Yesterday at lunch time, we had a work lunch and learn and it was on ergonomy at work, but a huge part was how our bodies are changing, no thanks though, to the technology. We are no longer looking ahead but down (putting pressure on our muscles who are not used/made to be in x position). The arrival of laptops and then tablets, iPhones (and the likes) are not good on our bodies. Long-term issues are to be found if we do not sit properly, move more (being a bike forum we know we move enough - or at least more than rest of population hihi). But it is a huge eye-opener on why we are going through some physical/mental issues and children even worst. Life is in the fast lane...but not necessarily the right one. At least too often.

I read an article 2 days ago where in the very near future (at least for Canada) that you won't be able to find a flip phone. Only those "intelligent" phones will become available. Just like CD/DVD/blue rays' are bound to be discontinued at home, vehicules, etc. So I would not ditch my iphone too quickly!!! Maybe just get a basic service. No need to put the internet on it. I have a basic phone (hubby has the iphone) and I don't need an iphone. I have a $10/month fee and charged by the minute but mine is rarely used. I keep accumulating those $$ as they are pushed month to month. What can be soooo urgent (in my life anyway) that I need to be reached 24/7/365. They can wait until I get home. We did not have cell phones when I was younger (ishhhh that makes me feel old) and no internet and we made it. And we had peace in the evening. Had time to enjoy other things: play monopoly or battleship.... or cuddle more with boyfriend. haha So yep...I think I could slow down on technology. Now....convincing hubby is another thing.

[Pax]

We'll go with Consumer Cellular, they used to be the old folks cell phone company so they have flip phones, but have recently added smart phones to their line up.

Totally hear about about ergonomics as well, our laptop died a few months ago and in that same effort to have "less" we replaced it with a tablet. After owning/using it for about a week I developed an endless stiff neck and cramping left shoulder; finally figured out it was holding the tablet! Now I use it on a stand on the counter on the rare occasions I need to use it.

I see the students here on campus always looking down at their phones, I wonder if their generation is going to suffer long term neck damage?

[Sky King]

We switched from the local phone company internet service to our cable company internet service to try to improve our cell phones - we are positioned at the bottom of the broadcast from the closest cell phone tower and have a concrete wall to contend with... I also installed an "extender/expander" that is supposed to act as a mini cell phone tower in our house but the DH's new phone seems to want to override that and try to stay on 4G instead of the 3g offered by the mini tower - what a cluster. The cable company internet will just suddenly stop - I know it is the company service and not something in our system (from facebook comments ) ugh. Yes technology rules. Very embarrassing when someone calls our toll free number and the connection is so bad we can't talk. Makes me long for the days of the At&t fight decades ago.

[Irulan]

Sky king, we keep TWO land line for our businesses - one for me, one for DH. The cell coverage here at the house is terrible. We only recently got rid of the fax,line and went to E-faxing. DH has one client who insists on faxing lab reports. For rural, satellite internet is really big around here but it's not terribly reliable or fast.

When we were house hinting two years ago, almost very house we liked was on satellite, which was a deal breaker. DH needs reliable high speed internet for his work.

[Pax]

Dear Condo owner,

You seriously thought adding something like "There is evidence of physical settling but the HOA pumped the foundationto prevent any further issues, inspections welcome." to the listing AFTER it's been on the market for six months is okay??

We'll still take a look when we're down in FL in a couple of weeks, but that was a HUGE red flag for us.

Sincerely,

Very cautious condo buyers

[Catrin]

Dear Sister - I love you, but why did you marry some guy you've known for 2 months and are totally ignoring your own daughter who is having her first marriage in two weeks? Couldn't you have waited a couple of weeks so you could be with your daughter? Also, you let him move in his son, girlfriend, two babies, two dogs and goats. You are acting totally unlike yourself and what is up with that? Also why did I have to almost make you tell me that there was this entire menagerie in your little house? I am trying to withhold judgement until I finally meet this man, but something smells very wrong. Hopefully that is just my protective instincts coming out since I've not yet met the man.

Love,
Your concerned oldest sister.

[Crankin]

Something indeed sounds wrong, Catrin.

[brigada]

very wrong. she may be undergoing a crisis of some sort, but if she hasn't acted out like this before, I'd consult a psychologist first and foremost. if she's in a disturbed mental state, you can't expect the kind of answers you want from her :/

[OakLeaf]

Oh, Catrin, that doesn't sound right at all. So hard to let go when it's a sibling. Are you close to your niece?

[Catrin]

The rest of the story is our mom died in September, and the sister in question and her were tied at the hip in a very dysfunctional relationship for many years. My sister's personality has always been on the rigid side and very controlled. Our mom was, I will just say that she was ill and leave it at that. So she met this guy on a Christian dating site a couple of months after Mom passed, and while I don't care WHERE she met him, things went very fast. I mean the happiest married couple I know started out as a mail order bride advertisement from eastern Europe 30+ years ago! THEY took much longer to tie the knot however, they took time with each other.

So I am hearing from both niece and my baby sister. My youngest sister is flying out to help my niece with her wedding, I wish that I could afford to do that but it is good that one of her aunts is with her. My youngest sister, who has a hot temper, has already gone off on the sister in question and told her exactly what she thinks of the marriage and of her treatment of her daughter. I am trying very hard not to do that as it isn't productive, and I've not actually met anyone yet. So, as of now, I will be staying with my sister and her menagerie and new family for two nights. I want to go into the situation with as open a mind as possible. I was the rebellious/trouble-maker/self-destructive one back in the day and I know how easy it can be for the wrong type of person to take advantage of someone when that person is vulnerable - which is what I am concerned has happened to her. Back in the day I had an invisible sign on my back that said "all sociopaths apply here", so I know how things can go.

I will be traveling down in two weeks, and having lunch with my niece and other sister before I see her and meet this new family. I want to be able to look at the situation objectively - it may simply be that this quirky man she has married really IS the right guy for her, but I've concerns. Not that I can do anything about them.

Thanks for the thoughtful responses, and if anyone has dealt with something like this, or helpful thoughts on how best to approach this situation when I go down there please don't hesitate to let me know - and messages are fine if you prefer.

[Crankin]

I really think, speaking with my professional hat on, that you are going in with the right attitude. While your *suspicions* may be right, there's nothing to be gained from rushing in and doing an "intervention," that might very well end up ruining your niece's wedding. You want to observe the whole situation in person. And although it may be just as you suspect, there may not be much you can do. If your sister was mentally incapacitated to the point of not being able to take care of herself (i.e. hygiene, daily tasks, safety) or there was a question of some kind of abuse in the home (to her, or to a child or elder), or substance abuse, you might be able to force the issue. However, people make poor choices like this all of the time and there's not really much you can do to stop it, except to tell the person how you feel, recommend therapy, and let her know that you are there for her. It sounds like she had issues before, that might not be easily solved, and if I were you, I would focus on making sure your niece has a nice wedding!
And, just to re-iterate something I've said before, I met my DH on 6/27, we moved in together on 8/1, got engaged on 8/28, and married on 12/8. Thirty four and a half years later, we're still married and happy. DH's family tried to tell him there was something evil about me, something so bad, that he would eventually find out, or I would leave him, because I was from a "high class" family. So, you never know.