OT: My world is upside down

[fixedgeargirl]

Long, sad story short, stbx has filed a custody suit against me for our 6 yr old DS . He makes twice what I do, his mom owns and pays the mortagage on the house we live in and she owns and makes payments on his car. He makes twice what I do, yet has virtually no expenses. I work part time so I can pick up/drop off DS at school. His mom is paying his attorney. His is the only name on the title of my car. My two custom bikes are *technically* the property of his company. By standard court order, I cannot move out of the house w/DS until the custody order is complete. The way the petition is worded I would have to pay him child support . I can't sleep, I have trouble eating. At least I got a ride in before I opened the envelope from the attorney .

[Running Mommy]

Oh man that just stinks!! I have nothing really to add as far as advice... But I just want to send you my thoughts and prayers. I'll be thinkin about ya! My cousin went through that mess a year ago and it was ugly. Not to mention costly. I wouldn't wish it on anyone! Take care of yourself. keep riding- it will help clear the mind!
Take care!!!
Denise

[Trek420]

fgg, I am so sorry. Break ups always stink but this takes the cake. You are in my thoughts and these things are so tough but it will get better in time.

Do you have a lawyer?

This looks like a good resource too http://womansdivorce.com

+ what others have sed, keep movin'

[pkq]

You are in a really tough spot. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Good luck with it all!

[allabouteva]

That's just so grossly unfair! I hope that things work out when you get to court... Trek420 is right about asking if you have a lawyer...

My thoughts are with you, and hope it all goes well, and that you get to keep custody of DS.

Kindest regards,

e

[Surlygirl]

I'm so sorry. This is what I told my friend going through a similar situation. Get the best lawyer you can afford.

[Lise]

I am so sorry to hear about it all. I can only second what others have said about the lawyer. And to stay active--sometimes the wisdom of the body comes through to the mind in tough times. Best wishes, Lise

[PAP103]

I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles. I went through a divorce and my x threatened to take custody of my 2 sons. I was a stay at home mom, no money, no nothing. But I had determination! I called the local bar association and got a low income lawyer. The x backed down pretty quickly when he realized that he looked like a total jerk in the court room!

I got custody of the kids, now 20 and 22. Having more money doesn't make one a better parent. It sounds like your x never grew up - he still relies on his mommy for everything - thats not being a responsible parent! Your lawyer will make that known in court.

Good luck with it all. It seems never ending and very daunting but you will get through it! Many thoughts and prayers are with you,
Patty

[sydney_b]

I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles. [snip] Having more money doesn't make one a better parent. It sounds like your x never grew up - he still relies on his mommy for everything - thats not being a responsible parent! Your lawyer will make that known in court.

+1

Hang in there and maybe ask for a psychological evaluation of the relationship between you and your son and your son and your ex. I had to fight such a takeover attempt once and the psychological evaluation completely tipped it in my favor. Weirdest thing was that after the ex lost, he never contacted my son again. No cards, calls etc. It's all turned out OK, but it was 2 yrs of fighting.

Get an attorney and kick some butt. A mama's boy has to stand alone in court.

/s

[maillotpois]

Good luck - hang in there. And definitely get a lawyer ASAP if you can.

[Trekhawk]

Sending giant HUGS your way.

[snowtulip]

FGG, I'm sending you good vibes and extra strength!!! Collectively, I hope it helps you through the tough times.

[fixedgeargirl]

Thanks, everybody ! The initial shock and oh-my-what-am-I-going-to-do have faded and I am moving forward with what I need to do.

[mmelindas]

My ex and I fought in court for 14 years over our two sons...and I became a darn good PRO Se lawyer (do it yourself) and actually won in the end. Being poor or low income qualifies you for PRO BONO (free of charge) attorney services and there are also some family law advocates available in most counties who will help you with the paperwork.

If you soon-to-be-ex makes a ton of money, then see if you can get the meanest, most expensive lawyer to take your case and go after HIM for the payment of your lawyer and his!! He will back down quickly because you can ask for him to pay for your lawyer expenses due to poverty or low income.

About paying child support, it works something like this in most states:

Normally, the court will be appointing a GUARDIAN AD LITEM who will talk to the kids, and check out both homes, the living situations and will advocate for the children NOT necessarily who makes the most money or who has the best lawyer. The courts lean heavily on the judgements of these Guardian Ad Litem's in deciding custody. Whoever gets residential custody will receive CHILD SUPPORT from the non-residential parent, probably him.

In most states, BOTH parents are responsible for financial support of the children. The custodial parent (most states now have JOINT custody and call it the "residental Parent") gets whatever their portion as a credit..they don't pay anything but it lessens what your ex will have to pay.

It works like this, by my experience (in two states and 14 years of court battles):

The sum total of BOTH parent's income is added together. The amount of child support EACH is responsible for is determined by dividing the income of each parent by the total of both parents' income.

(for example, if you make $1500 a month and he makes $3,000 a month= Add those two together, look on the state support charts for a total of $4500 a month and you'll see support maybe at $700 or more, as just an example, for one child.) Then divide your $1500 by the $4500 and you'll get a percentage and he divides his income by the same $4500. That results in a percentage of support obligation for each parent. For example, mine was 28 percent and his was 72 percent.

So, based on the state set amount of support for a total income of both parents, I was only responsible for 28 percent of the amount because I made about a third of what my ex did, and since I had residential custody, he had to pay me 72 percent of that child support figure which was about $900 for two kids, and I got payments of nearly $6640 monthly.

It's complicated, but you can apply to the child support enforcement bureau of your county or state and they'll help you figure out what he should pay and may even go after him in court on the child's behalf, to make him pay such and such according to this plan. Mine did, and the Attorney General for the county we lived in took him to the cleaners!

It's heartbreaking but just because he has a lawyer DOES NOT mean he will win. The GAL and the judge and support enforcement have a lot to say in determining who gets what and how much.

My heart goes out to you and just take it one day at a time, read up a lot on divorce laws in your state and talk to the family law people or a Pro Bono attorney for advice in how to proceed.

I fought by myself as PRO SE in court about 90% of the time and won. I learned the statutes, rules of the courts that applied in my state and cited them specifically by number and section, in court (and even got the nasty lawyer he hired so mad he quit because the judge said I was quoting the law correctly and it did apply and he ruled in my favor!!!) You can sit in court and listen to other lawyers in other custody cases and can probably see the court proceedings and files for free just by asking at the clerk's office.

I learned over time how to properly write my own court pleadings, and responses and got a compliment by a District Court judge (who said I should become a lawyer because my papers were so orderly and well done!!!) It made me strong, resourceful and able in court, in three counties.

One word of advice, (if I may from a mother who has been through more than one divorce, and has kids who were damaged by my mistakes, being vengeful

...... don't ever talk badly about your ex in front of your son....it will damage him because he is a child who will quite normally be blaming himself for your breakup, .... emotionally, all kids do, and he will be torn between you and daddy, so don't do that to him, please. It changes who the child is and tears him up emotionally and I had made that mistake and saw the damage in my sons over time.

Be loving, supportive, assure him that both of you love him but cannot live together and it's NOT his fault.... don't let pain or anger make your words hurt that child by criticizing or badmouthing the dad...he will be damaged by it, and if your ex ever tells the judge or GAL about it, you're in big trouble, it will go in HIS favor, not yours.......

I know he's probably a s.o.b. but just don't ever say it in front of the kid.... believe me, God will get him eventually.... I saw my two sons in the end turn against their father and want to have nothing to do with him as adults by his OWN doing and meanness.... What goes around, comes around....it's true!!

Our prayers and hearts are with you in this awful, hard and sad time....be strong!

[mmelindas]

Uh...that'd be $664 not the four digit amount of support....sorry