I haven't been here for two weeks until today, which is nearly unheard of for me; I normally check in here at least every couple of days ago, unless I'm on vacation.

I've been going through a pretty tough time lately. My dear dad was killed in a car accident on Oct. 28, and since then I haven't had any desire to ride or do too much of anything other than talk and write to friends and relatives. I adored my father, and this is the very toughest loss I've ever had to face in my life. Not having any warning makes his death even harder to take.

There have also been a rash of emails lately on our bike club chat list of close calls with motorists, road rage, and so forth on the rural roads here in NC that I ride all the time. These posts, along with the deaths of big-mileage, well-known cyclists like Ken Kifer, Bob Breedlove, and Bill Bliss, among many others not so well known, have me thinking that it's inevitable that someone in our club is going to be killed out there on the road one of these days, and I'm actually somewhat surprised it hasn't happened yet.

I find myself questioning the level of risk I am willing to take in my life to do this sport that I love. I'd managed to conquer my fear of loose dogs after my accident and get back on the saddle, but right now I'm beginning to think the risks are too great versus some of the other activities I also enjoy (hiking and kayaking, in particular).

Part of the problem is that, with rare exceptions, there are NO shoulders on the majority of rural roads on which I am forced to ride. Often when I ride with people who have moved to NC from other states, they are very surprised by this and a bit nervous about riding in the traffic lane. No, there isn't a lot of traffic on most of the rural roads, but the traffic that is there tends to be 55 mph or faster, and Bubba and Bubbette driving pickups and monster SUVs tend not to be real understanding of lycra-clad bodies taking up "their" roads. It's a battle that seems to be impossible to win.

So, short of moving to a more bike-friendly place (not too easy with my job) or switching to mountain biking only, I'm just not sure how much more riding is in my future. I might be back with a vengeance next spring, but right now, I just don't know. I guess I just have to take it one day at a time.

Anyway, sorry for the longwindedness. I just thought I'd check in in case anyone wonders where I am in the coming weeks. If you've made it this far, thanks. Wishing you all SAFE roads and understanding motorists....

Emily