It only takes one jerk to make me want to swear-off group rides.

[zoom-zoom]

Last Summer there was a woman who would attend some of the nearby Tues. night womens-only rides I like to do. It got to where I was so relieved on the weeks when she didn't show and on those when she did show I found myself regretting showing.

This woman was about my parents' age, I assume. Had a totally condescending demeanor and during one ride made some wiseass comment about my "plastic" bike. I had no idea what she was talking about and expressed confusion. Her reply was "oh, you know, your bike's carbon." It wasn't. I told her it was aluminum...then she backpedaled and said "well, I have a carbon bike, too."

I've yet to see this woman this Summer, but another one...perhaps even MORE patronizing, has taken her place. Same demographic.

Seriously...WTF is with these older, belittling women? Yes, I am a relative noobie cyclist, but I can hold my own against a lot of people who have been riding for all of their adult lives. In my first full year on a bike I cranked-out 3500 miles, in addition to running 1000. This year I am hoping to log at least 500 more than that and run probably in the 800 mile neighborhood.

I avoid a lot of organized rides with men, because I don't want to deal with patronizing attitudes. So it really infuriates me to have to deal with this crap from other women. If they are so much better than the rest of us I wish they'd go ride with the boys. Heck, my hubby stopped doing a shop ride not far from his work after one of the women there continuously barked orders. And my hubby is FAR from a noob. He's a USAC certified coach, for cripes-sake. He's since found out that he's not the only one who stopped doing this ride because of this woman.

Organized rides are supposed to be fun. It would be one thing if these were "A-group" rides, but they aren't. We're pulling paces that would be B-C group at most rides with multiple groups. Riders looking down their noses at other riders or being downright rude really ruins the fun aspect. If it's not fun, why bother? I'm starting to wish we lived closer to our "L"BS (an hour away). That sort of nonsense isn't tolerated and they have VERY popular rides pretty much every day. Their Tues. night ride was ranked in the top 50 organized rides by Bicycling Magazine.

/rant

[ny biker]

Are most of the women in this ride annoying, or just a few?

If it's just a few, and the rides are otherwise pleasant, I would just avoid them. If they say something, give a one-word answer that discourages further conversation, like "okay" or "wow" (if it's really rude). Then just move away from them.

[zoom-zoom]

Most of them are really awesome...but, boy, it only takes one bad apple, yaknow. I hate feeling like she's going to call me out at any moment for some unknown faux pas, even where I'm not in any way at fault. I had a teacher like this in 5th and 6th grade and it's bringing up some bad flashbacks. I'm 38...I shouldn't have to feel like I'm under a cranky teacher's scrutiny, anymore. And I can't help but feel like this woman is just waiting for me to screw up, which totally kills my confidence and is precisely the sort of thing that will cause me to do something boneheaded...because that is how I react to feeling like I'm being put on the spot. And it's hard to avoid one negative person like this, since our rides rarely have more than 10 people.

[Hi Ho Silver]

If she shows up at a ride, try the "mind over matter" approach ...just say to yourself "I don't mind her comments because in the overall scheme of things, she doesn't matter". Condescending/passive aggressive people are best ignored (Another payoff to ignoring them - it pisses them off).

[DarcyInOregon]

My female training group doesn't have anyone like the older female you described, though perhaps I fit the age, being 57.

I don't get why others have to make comments, don't like it when it is directed at me by totally strange cyclists either. I personally don't examine other cyclist's bikes, other than to put in a mental category of road bike, hybrid, comfort bike, mountain bike, etc., and maybe note the color. It is an individual choice as to the bike, clothing, etc., and so there is nothing for me to observe and thus nothing to comment on.

I can say that for young fit females, it doesn't matter what type of bike they ride, because most of them can zip by me on the hills like I am not moving at all, have incredible endurance and are really strong for speed. When they are able to upgrade to a road bike with clipless pedals, even at the entry level, from a mountain bike or hybrid, just like that they are completing steep category climbs, metrics and full centuries. I've observed it at least 3 times this year alone between my two training groups. I am cheering for these ladies, not being jealous, because they all found a sport that gives them a passion and I am excited that biking will be a part of their futures.

[Rebekah H]

I love, love, love my female friends (I'm not really a guy's girl anyway) and am involved in a few hobbies that are made of mostly women, as well as nursing school which equals MUCHO estrogen. I don't even know if it's girls or it's just groups of people who are "competing," but there's always one blowhole in every group that can't allow people to just have fun without taking a jab. My favorite way to cope is just to blow them off and remember that...well, they can suck it. Just remember that there are usually two reasons people do crap like that: they are either kind of bitter and can't resist a jab or they're completely clueless and think they're just making conversation. Either way, don't let some sucker rain on your parade!

[marni]

my favorite response to b****** like this is to look at them and ask sincerely " why in the world would you say something like that to anyone?" and then ignore them from then on out.

an a hole is an ahole no matter what the gender or situation is. They don't deserve your time or attention.

marni

[Miranda]

She's messed in the head... don't let her mess with yours. Easier said than done I know.

It sucks you hafta deal with this. Makes you wonder what other people think about her as well? Who did she act this way before you showed up to the group?

The others prolly know she's nuttier than a fruit cake as well. I know one of these ladies as well. I had be-friended part of the group before I encountered her. Which helped.

I just decided to kill her with kindness and be-friend her. Keep your friends close, keep your enemies even closer they say.

The trying to ignore her the best you can as mentioned is another end of the spectrum.

Sure it's not you... she's prolly been this way in other situations as well. Maybe her whole life. Perhaps even oblivious. Eekke.

Hoping for good luck for you!

[owlice]

look at them and ask sincerely " why in the world would you say something like that to anyone?"

This. Or "Does doing that make people like you in some circles?" with raised eyebrows. Or "How patronizing!" and laugh. Or "ExCUSE me??" with that voice. You know the one I mean; everyone's heard it, and remembered it forever more.

I'd call her on the behavior. Seriously and curiously. Make her think about what she's saying and how it comes across.

Or laugh. Probably laugh, because I'm mean.