Cycling and your relationship.

[Melalvai]

I've talked on another thread about the friction in my marriage caused by my bicycling...and the riding buddy.

We are both trying. He is trying to be less jealous. I am trying to cut back on the recreational riding. Although I find it easy to categorize a ride as non-recreational!

The other point of friction is that I am a much stronger rider than he is. That is a hard pill for a guy to swallow! He is slowly getting more involved and more in shape, which thrills me to no end.

In the end, I am confident that we will work through all this, there is no fear in my mind that bicycling will ruin our marriage, and our relationship will be all the stronger for it. It already is.

[velogirl]

My DH and I used to ride our mtn bikes together alot, but then he was diagnosed with pancerabellum syndrome. This has caused him to slowly loose his coordination, caused some speech impediment and has affected his periphial vision some. Needless to say, we don't ride together much. When he rides these days, his main objective is to stay upright on the bike. He falls quite easily, whether on a bike, walking or just standing and really gets down on himself.

SBCTWIN, one of the women who rides with our club was diagnosed with PS about 6 years ago. She can't ride an upright bike anymore, but got an awesome recumbent trike and swears that it stops the progression of the disease. Maybe that would be an option for your husband? Because of her strength loss, she's not quite as fast as the upright bikes, but she does great and has fun doing something she loves!!!

[mimitabby]

SBCTWIN, one of the women who rides with our club was diagnosed with PS about 6 years ago. She can't ride an upright bike anymore, but got an awesome recumbent trike and swears that it stops the progression of the disease. Maybe that would be an option for your husband? Because of her strength loss, she's not quite as fast as the upright bikes, but she does great and has fun doing something she loves!!!

gosh, aren't forums amazing? I have never heard of this disease, and here are two people hooking up sharing knowledge, and maybe this guy is going to start riding again because of it!!!!

[teigyr]

But back in the day when I was dating I found it difficult not to have an active lifestyle in common.

Lots of comments like "You do what? You ride how far? You're doing what next weekend?" and the classic "You spend that much on what? ".

That's exactly it. I never expected anyone to do my activities as much as I was doing them but I did want someone who could keep up with me in general. DH did take up cycling but before that he hiked and kayaked so he was in decent shape. Imagine being active and being with someone who gets winded going for a walk?!

[BikeMomma]

Imagine being active and being with someone who gets winded going for a walk?!

This has been my frustration since I re-took up cycling about three years ago now.

When I met my husband in 1989, I was still really young at not-quite 19 years of age. I was full-bore into cycling -- racing, riding 200mi/week, the whole nine yards. I was in a somewhat rebellious stage with my mother and she disagreed with my relationship with him (he's African-American). He was really into basketball and working out, and so he was in pretty decent shape, etc., and it was this that I was attracted to, besides the personality. Nearly all my previous boyfriends were non-athletes, and I thought it was really cool to be finally dating someone who cared about me and enjoyed playing sports, too. I stubbornly kept seeing him, things escalated with my mom, she kicked me out of the house, his parents took me in until we were able to find an apartment together, and the rest is history. Not once did I look back and really stop to think about the future. It was all about the present. That was 17 years ago.

Fast forward to three years ago, three kids richer: Although I never really gained much weight just because I was active, I had completely dropped cycling because I felt the duty to stay home to be a wife and mother. He completely let himself go, was now over 325lbs, and I was growing increasingly and completely turned off. I turned to my bike for comfort and started riding again. Felt awesome and as I got more and more fit, my thoughts turned to racing, which I started again also.

But.......as teigyr said above, my husband couldn't walk around the corner without breathing hard. I had hoped that perhaps he would follow my lead and get himself motivated to get back in shape, but I was continually disappointed by his unfulfilled promises to do so. Our relationship was seriously deteriorating. We were SO disconnected, and I dispaired because it was partly the cycling that was to blame. But it had woken me up out of my huge mistake of trying to be someone I'm not --- a couch potato companion -- and I wasn't about to give it up again. And it was NOT the unhealthy example I wanted to set for my children.

Fast forward to now: About three months ago now, after biting my lip hard and praying for not yet another disappointment, I agreed to buy my husband a Bowflex home fitness machine, and I dare to state here that we're on the comeback because of it. He's taking his weight loss serious now, and in his first 6-week diet plan cycle, he lost 24lbs (4lbs a week). He's been working out on the Bowflex, and is obviously enjoying the feeling of strength he's getting from the workouts, the sore muscles, the euphoria of a good workout....all the things we all know about here at TE.

Best of all, his attitude has changed. He hasn't been sulking and withdrawn, he's talkative, self-motivated, alot more lively, and I now feel that I'm not married to so much of a zombie. We still have lots to improve on, but it's a great start, and I definitely don't want to be a single parent. We both realize that we have to fight for this marriage if it's going to work and provide a stable home for our kids.

However, this might sound very bad, but I have to say that IF I had stopped to reeeeally consider what I was doing all those years ago, I should have listened to my mother --- NOT on the racial thing, but when she told me that I was too young and naive to be making major life decisions at that age. I now believe that I should have waited to figure out who I was and what I wanted before plunging into living together, marriage, etc. But I've made the decisions I have, I'm making the best of it, and I feel good about that part. Plus, my kids are awesome and I wouldn't have them if I'd done things differently.

Sorry this is so lengthy -- but my answer is hard to condense into a short one. Teigyr's comment sort of hit home, though, and I felt I had to respond.
~BikeMomma

[KnottedYet]

But back in the day when I was dating I found it difficult not to have an active lifestyle in common.

Lots of comments like "You do what? You ride how far? You're doing what next weekend?" and the classic "You spend that much on what? ".

And then you meet some nutcase who not only knows what ALC is, knows what the AIDS rides BEFORE that were, and wishes she could've done them.
AND who eggs your cute lil' heine on to buy yet *another* bike! And who used to own the same bike you did. (Trek 420)

Scary.

I'd run away if I were you...

[Trek420]

I'd run away if I were you...

Isn't that a line in the Wizard of Oz?? Nah, not runin'. You know my knees are shot I can't run

I have a theory that we're different somehow, we few we happy few who like endurance sports

I've never been sure how to explain it, maybe it's genetic.

But there's something about we like things that are painfull to others (and not in a kinky way ).

Climbing's hard and I'll have to get off and walk but I like it and feel good after. Not just the endorfin rush, the view or the downhill run or recovery meal.

I know it's making me stronger, and of course there's food after I can veg and watch TV or TE, but only if I got an hour of excersise or more that day. Otherwise stand back.

So when we have this in common with our SO it's nice. Doesn't whether we ride together, wait for the other at the top or one is at home making the recovery meal, hats off to our them and to single TE'ers future SO's.

My totally unfounded theory is when you have that in your DNA so to speak it makes processes like Bikeomoma's DH journey back to fitness easier and maybe even dealing with injuries, illness. He's felt this before, likes feeling fit and working out. Hopefully it'll be like old home week "oh, yeah, I like that".

Sure it'll take a while but he knows the route.

All my family all do something active. There may be something to this but I don't care, just like cycling.

[sbctwin]

SBCTWIN, one of the women who rides with our club was diagnosed with PS about 6 years ago. She can't ride an upright bike anymore, but got an awesome recumbent trike and swears that it stops the progression of the disease. Maybe that would be an option for your husband? Because of her strength loss, she's not quite as fast as the upright bikes, but she does great and has fun doing something she loves!!!

Wow, I have never heard of anyone else having this condition. I have been trying over a year now to convince my DH to try a trike, because I know he loves to ride, but so far no-go. He has to decide it is important enough for him to try it, but I keep bugging him. A year or so ago, when he went in to get re-assessed, the docs told us that they thought he would be in a wheel chair within 2 yrs of original diagnosis. That was about about 8 yrs ago. He walks to work and we think this has helped him immensely. I truly believe he would love to ride a trike and I will keep at it....Thanks Velogirl for letting me know there ARE others out there. I will show this thread to DH and maybe that will inspire him to look into it.

[Kimmyt]

BikeMomma, I just wanted to say that I thought your post was very well-written and I wish you and your husband the best of luck with his journey back to health... has he expressed any interest in cycling?

[wiseowl]

Very interesting question and responses! DH and I ride together sometimes, but he is a stronger rider than me but I love riding more, which causes some tension (mostly my issue). We ride together only for a "few miles to an ice cream stand or breakfast spot, and then home", kind of rides- recreational rides, not fitness.

When riding with him, I ride my roadyish hybrid and put him on my mountain bike to give him a handicap, so to speak. After him saying bike speed and power are all about the rider not the bike, we did some trials of my hybrid against his super nice roadie, and he had to back WAY down on that statement!

I love mountain biking, though I don't get out as often as I like. He has NO interest in it and finds it very hard core, which I find amusing.

[indigoiis]

UPDATE: Things are better after I reported to DH from my visit to the local bike shop yesterday that the Friday night rides have a few sets of riders... from "fast guys like you who do a couple of additional half mile loop arounds" to "pokies/noobs like me who ride back with the tandem."

He raised a brow and replied, "I guess I'll have to blow the dust off of my road bike, then."

Yay!

[northstar]

My DH is a runner - and sort of turned up his nose at cycling when I was getting started. He was, however, really excited that I had found something I really loved to do, and he LOOVES the muscles in my legs. Since I've become more active, he picked up a used road bike, and we've done a few rides where he keeps asking me, "how fast are we going now? How about now?" I think the bug may be biting. Yippee!

Truth be told, riding does take up a lot of my spare time, but he is busy too, and I'm proud of him and what he does in his spare time, and he is just as excited about my cycling as I am.

He's also excited that the cycling has led to me getting into running. The bike has been a good development overall for our marriage.

[singletrackmind]

Met my husband while pedaling furiously. We both raced mtb's and were often on the course at the same time and with about the same speed, were always passing each other, saying hi.

[SnappyPix]

Really interesting thread.

My OH and I exist in a constant state of cycling harmony.
Initially I was the only one who cycled, but we eventually invested in a pair of hybrids and had many hours of fun trundling along the highways and byways of rural England.
Then one year she had time on her hands and revamped my old steel framed road bike. The nail in the coffin.
I rediscovered the thrill of the road, she felt like she was missing out, invested in a road bike herself, I upgraded to a lighter frame - and that was that.
We've been co-conspirators in our addiction ever since.
She's now stronger than I am, which is good as it keeps me on my toes and ensures I get the miles in, just to keep up.
OH is about to upgrade again to a carbon frame later this year - and hopefully my time will come at some point next year!
Bike shops are lethal as we both have no self-control - and get a thrill from seeing that "biker grin" on the other's face.

It was a significant birthday for me this year - and my treat was a trip to Kent to watch the Tour De France go by. Only cyclists would think that romantic!

[Jiffer]

Riding is very good for our relationship. He cycled first, then convinced me to get a tandem with him. One of the first times we went out and rode together I told him it made me feel closer to him. We were doing something as a team, working together. We could talk and just hang out with each other. We had a common interest.

I have since gotten my own single road bike. He's thrilled at my new found love of riding, yet he's gotten jealous the couple of times I chose to ride my single over riding tandem with him. (We rarely ride singles together since he's so much stronger than I.) I love both for different reasons, so we're working on figuring out the balance. We're doing our first tandem century in September, so I need to put some priority on the tandem until after that.

So, in answer to your question. Cycling has been very good for our relationship since we both do it.