Two things for you, Mimi (and remember, I'm only slightly ahead of you on the curve, having ridden clipless with spds for only a couple months now):
1. Do you really have your pedals adjusted as loose as you need them? You say you "tug" them out, and I never feel like I'm exerting much effort unclipping- I just turn my foot and I'm out. If you can make 'em looser, try it. I never unclip unintentionally, and mine are set about as loose as they can go.
2. My learning curve was flat (and painful- fell three times because I tilted over to my clipped in side from a stopped position), then a big peak. In other words, I had to always think about the fact that I was clipped in for about the first 2 months, then all of a sudden, it became instinctive. I think your body just gets it at some point. Unless, of course, the pedals you have just aren't comfortable because of your particular body type.
It will get instinctive to unclip, I promise.



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