OT: Quitting the Rat Race

[Bikingmomof3]

Do I have regrets? I am not sure if I would call them regrets. I do have moments where I want to throw up my hands and tell everyone to kiss my well booty to put it nicely. Sometimes I want to go back to work so I can get a break.
The problem with being a SAHM, is that everyone thinks you have all the time in the world, and that your life is so easy, yada, yada, yada. Well, this is the hardest job I have ever had. Also the most under appreciated job!!

Oh how well this SAHM understands. I keep telling DH I need a vacation-alone-he does not get it.

[eclectic]

I am living simpler life more by necessity than choice. I have 2 kids in college with one of them still living at home. They pay for a lot of their own expenses but there a still some I take care of for them. Once they turned 18 all child support was cut even though they were still at home.

I am fortunate in the fact that I am a teacher so I was home with my kids when they were home and I take the summers off because I choose to live simpler.

A lot of my priorities have changed. I used to golf 2 or 3 times per week which got pricey now I bike which is free (after all the equipment purchases

I have discovered that Bike tours are a great and inexpensive way to travel (when within driving distance) and you get to see the country in a new way
Last years vacation: a 5 star all inclusive resort on the Riviera Maya - this years 7 nights in a tent on a bike tour. I'll do the tent again next year just in a different state

I decided I don't watch TV at all so I cut cable.(I advised my son if he really wants it he can hook it back up and pay for it - so far no TV I work at a school and the library has some great reading material so no book purchases.

My clothes shopping has been reduced to a minimum and I always shop clearance. After wearing spandex in public I am not quite so fashion conscious

I ride my bike to the grocery store and to do simple errands.

I have a couple of part time jobs which are flexible that I work if I want some extra money for trips or more bike goodies.

Entertainment is a lot of house parties where the meal is potluck around a theme.

I was amazed at how much money can be saved when I sat down and really looked at how important things were in my life. Cell phones, high speed internet (still a priority) new vehicles, redecorating, travel, dining out.

Just cooking a little different can save a lot of money

I took a lot of lessons from my sister and bro-in-law who raised 5 great kids on a very minimal salary. I never once heard those kids whining because they felt deprived.

[Cassandra_Cain]

You might want to read a book called "Your Money or Your Life" by Joe Dominguez. It is quite interesting.

I've read it and think it is a great book. It is all about the very thing you are pondering: living more simply, and more importantly, happily. It can be done, but it takes a lot to get out of the spending money as a cure for all unhappiness mindset that this system conditions us to have!

[Cassandra_Cain]

Oh how well this SAHM understands. I keep telling DH I need a vacation-alone-he does not get it.

I dont have kids, but I can say this with confidence - you haven't worked full-time until you've been a SAHM. There is no break, no pat on the back, no 5 o'clock whistle. Now that's full-time work.

[Bikingmomof3]

I dont have kids, but I can say this with confidence - you haven't worked full-time until you've been a SAHM. There is no break, no pat on the back, no 5 o'clock whistle. Now that's full-time work.

No, there is no break at all. What amazes me is just how much more work the boys become the older they get. I made it through each stage telling myself it gets easier-it does not. I may complain occassionally (alright a lot ) but i all seriousness I would not do things differently...well maybe a mental break now and then would be nice....

[DebW]

I've been in the same job for 23 years (though the title has changed from research associate to senior staff scientist in that time). We had a group of 6-10 atmospheric chemistist here at one time and it dwindled down to just me about 5 years ago. Not such a good working environment as I have to keep myself funded with proposal writing, and the way science funding is these days that gets tougher and tougher. Next January my major contract ends without replacement. So I might be 25% funded or 75% funded (if another current small contract gets phase II funding). I'm pretty near burn-out anyway - my mind just doesn't focus on science the way it used to. If I end up on part-time, I'd like to take month-long periods off to hike or bike tour, then work solidly for a month or two until my contract obligations here are fullfilled in a couple more years. Then maybe I'll go back to being a bike mechanic. I could live pretty simply as I don't watch TV or like to shop and the house is paid for. Just have to watch the retirement funds.

[mtbdarby]

Good timing.

I just met with a volunteer business person to help me start the process to becoming my own boss. I am very much frustrated with my job, unhappy with the direction of my life and wish to make changes and have more control over my future income than some guy in a corner office.

I have hired a life coach to also guide me and help me take a deeper look within to find where the frustration is truely coming from. Am I quitting the rat race? Not so much as changing the division I'm in . I want to live this life more on my terms and look forward to each day (especially if I can bike to work!) instead of dreading going to a high stress job. I'm a single mom just dieing to find a way to earn a living where I can spend more time with my wonderful son instead of having him spend 10 hours a day at daycare. I have a dream to be able to drop him off at school in the morning and pick him up at the end of day. That shouldn't be too much to ask for, just a little harder to achieve without a SO at home to help me get there. But I will, of that I am sure!

[Cassandra_Cain]

No, there is no break at all. What amazes me is just how much more work the boys become the older they get. I made it through each stage telling myself it gets easier-it does not. I may complain occassionally (alright a lot ) but i all seriousness I would not do things differently...well maybe a mental break now and then would be nice....

mental break eh? I hear ya

But then, coming here helps - a little at least right?

[DDH]

Yes, Bikingmomof3, I understand. I only have the 1 child so your hands are even more full than mine. I do have the MIL and mother to look after and am constantly doing things for, or running errands for or dr's appts. They sometimes are more work than my son and husband. I know that someday I will grow old and need help, (if I'm lucky enough) and I try very hard to be a good example for my son as far as how we are suppose to take care of our parents after they grow old.

Do you feel like even if you go on vacation that you still don't get a vacation.
When we go camping, or traveling, I am still the one that cooks, cleans, and takes care of things. DH does the grilling, but I even prepare that usually. He slaps it on the grill, watches it cook and then brings it in for us to eat. LOL

Since I quit my job, I feel like everyone's life got simpler but mine.
Like everyone else has said, it's a trade off. You trade one set of simplifications for another and one set of frustrations for another.
Don't get me wrong girls. I love being a SAHM and being here for my DH and DS. I am a pretty simple person and it doesn't take a lot to please me. I get pleasure just knowing that I make my husbands life simpler and that I am here for my son ANYTIME he needs me. Thats not to say working mothers aren't, I don't want to start a war or anything, it's just a different mind set for the kids I think. Trust me, I have been in both positions, working outside the home, and now not working outside the home. He is 11 and is a little more independent but I don't care how old they get, they still need their parents. Shoot, I still need mine sometimes as far as their wisdom, or advice goes.

[wabisabi]

It is wonderful to hear this question as well as the responses. I have not been around much because I had a change in my job status. I work at a university, and it appears that my (sole) office was downsized, though I think that is not the whole story and that it has a lot to do with my being a woman in a job where I have to tell people that they are doing enough for diversity. There is a big controversy about it and I have a number of faculty friends, and will take legal action, etc., but that is not the point here. I was actually feeling so downtrodden and marginalized that, for one of the only times in my life, felt dread about going to work. One of my friends commented that she could see why I rode my bike so much! I had concluded that I would quit by the end of the year if I was still unhappy, and this just sort of speeded things up. I've got a little severence, so have some time to contemplate the big picture. It is so wonderful to get out of the rat race!

So, I've been thinking about simplifying life for a while. I'm fortunate to live in a place that is pretty supportive of cycling, recyling and voluntary simplicity. It's important to have some support for a less materialistic way of living. It's amazing what we need to spend to make up for the frustration and unhappiness of our work lives! I'm in the process of paring down what I own, which makes for less to worry about. Learning to work on my VW Bus again, with a cycling friend, and will probably sell the Subaru and keep the bus (OK, I realize that is unusual, but that is my particular quirk).

The most exciting thing is that I am planning to go into a spiritual retreat for a year or so, which can be done reasonably, and I have so longed to do such a retreat.

Of course, I am also close to retirement age, so once I do that I will have a base income, but there are many people who find a niche for themselves doing something that they love. Women in particular have been doing this because too often the cultures of large organizations just do not work for us.

Although pretty well-paid, I have usually worked on the agenda of others. If you can manage to have a pretty good overlap of your passion with what you do, that is great. It is definitely, in my opinion, not worth any sacrifice of one's soul or health. My colitis is clearing up and my shoulders are less hard each day, and, I can ride my bike on Thusday mornings if I want. Which is what I plan do do right now!

[Quillfred]

I work in a profession where I worked long and hard schedules which made it hard to "have a life" for many years.
I wouldn't say that I quit the rat race but I have slowed the treadwheel down some. I was working mandatory overtime every week with weekends off, but I was exhausted on Saturday and did little.

Requests for a schedule cut back were initially denied, but it got to the point were it was cut-back or quit. I now have Fridays off (4 day work week) and the length of my days have been trimmed too. My constant back, shoulder and neck aches are mostly gone. I know I am very lucky. Also a few years ago I took a huge pay cut to work at the current job. Although I work hard, I can really say I enjoy my job and the dysfunctional atmosphere of my prior job is gone.

I am spending less money on things that are unimportant now because largly, spending was a way to cope.

[li10up]

Does anyone have any specifics as to how they managed to live (happily) on less income?

Hopefully our house will be paid for by the end of the year and our only other debt is a car. Seems like I should be able to move to a simplified life ...read here, less stressful job. My DH doesn't get it. He is one of those people who thinks your life is defined by what you were able to accomplish. That's hard for me to grasp especially since he is a cancer patient. At this point I would think he would have the opposite opinion - that life is more about living it with family and friends, not how high you can climb on the corporate ladder. Over the years I've come to realize that I don't want or need to be "somebody." I just want a roof over my head, food on the table, health insurance, and enough money to be able to enjoy life.

[Crankin]

I don't think you can change someone's thinking about work, self esteem related to it, etc. I am a teacher who is giving up the rat race after this year (30 years). Because I moved to MA from another state and took my retirement out to buy a house here, I only have 16 years of retirement here, but I need a change. For years, i have given everything and more to my job, gone for classes (M.A. plus about 90 credits), taught aerobics, religious school, and volunteered. Oh yes, and I raised 2 sons. Now, i am blessed with a husband who took a totally equal role and in fact stayed home with son #1 for the first year. But, I always have worked, never regretted it and no one will convince me otherwise; this is what i mean about not being able to change someone else's mind about these things. When my kids were younger, all of my friends (except work friends) were SAHMs. We got along great and respected our individual choices. But I could not afford to live the way I wanted to and stay home. Their spouses all made a lot more than mine at the time, since mine made a major career change shortly after son #1 was born. This was just way it was and I'm glad that my salary helped provide my kids with the kinds of experiences that i had when i was a kid. We made a huge sacrifice to move east and I never have regretted it. That said, I feel like it is "my turn," now. I want to play (i.e. ride my bike) and work at a job that has no homework and will let me go on vacation when I want to. My husband makes plenty of $, but I will have to stop some of my spending. But I think it's worth it. You have to do what is best for your mental health. I've always said that "money is power," and it IS hard for me think of not contributing to the family income in any significant way. But, I feel like if i don't do this now, i might wait until i am too old to play the way i want to.

[Bruno28]

I was recently caught up in the rat race. I had gotten promotion at work and was working every hour that god sends to show that I 'deserved' it. I was working so hard that I was becoming inefficient through lack of 'r n r' and so got in a vicious cycle of having to run faster just to stand still.

Then my dad was diagnosed with metastatic melonoma...which means it had already spread before he was diagnosed (they have never found the primary tumour). At 79 his prognosis was very poor - the operation to remove the tumor in his neck could have killed him. Thankfully they operated and he has a good constitution- he's out on the golf course at 7.30 every morning - and he had a positive attitude. At this stage its not cureable, but he is currently symptom free and back playing golf!

ANyway when this happened on top of my crazy working life I crashed and burned. I now work 9 to 5 but am thinking about cutting down to 4 days a week. I still have a mortgage to pay but I don't buy unnecessary things - my £320 bike was absolutely necessary and a godsend. Oh, and I like I a glass or two of red wine (hic!).

Sometimes we run into a brick wall that makes us re-think our priorites. If someone offered me an early retirement package tomorrow I would jump at it. The stuff that makes us happy and sustains us isn't the stuff we buy, but quite often we are confused into thinking it is.

Don't know if this is any help.

[Dogmama]

My DH doesn't get it. He is one of those people who thinks your life is defined by what you were able to accomplish.

I'm generalizing, but I think men receive their self esteem from their jobs more than women. We normally have two jobs (paid and home) and not enough time. Face it - when your friends, Jim & Jane, come to dinner, do they look around & say "Gee, Fred sure keeps a dirty house!"

I digress - I'm leaving the rat race in 11 months. 30 years of faculty and students are enough for any soul. I'm a business manager in a social science department (read = no money) with an Oriental woman boss who is proud of the fact that she was so busy working she forgot her 20 year wedding anniversary. I work tons of overtime watch while a male colleague - who works no overtime and actually takes lunch hours is getting support staff help because he is "overwhelmed."

Today has not been a good day - can you tell?