Totally lost the desire to ride!

[Dogmama]

Totally understand about depression and crappy work conditions. Hard to realize when you're in the midst - but this too shall pass. Hang in there!

[jobob]

This is a very interesting thread for me. I experienced a great deal of upheaval in my life over the past year (almost exactly a year now!) and during that time my desire to ride has become pretty much nonexistent. I decided not to stress over it -- heh, I had enough to stress over, I didn't need to add to it! -- and I figured my desire to ride might return eventually. I'm not going to push myself to start riding again until I'm good & ready. In the meantime, I'm hiking a lot, and enjoying the beautiful hiking trails near me that I hardly knew existed until now.

I hope things look up for you, kajero.

[shootingstar]

Since I am car-free, it's a bit different. If I'm less motivated, I simply more robotic when cycling. It's just cycling shorter distances to do stuff when I'm demotivated. I don't think about it much nor analyze it because the bike ride is so short and I have to get groceries, get to work, etc. I have to eat. That's my motivator.

That's great you went for a short spin kajero. Don't look back on what you accomplished as the ultimate benchmark, look forward.

[Bike Writer]

This is a very interesting thread for me. I experienced a great deal of upheaval in my life over the past year (almost exactly a year now!) and during that time my desire to ride has become pretty much nonexistent. I decided not to stress over it -- heh, I had enough to stress over, I didn't need to add to it! -- and I figured my desire to ride might return eventually. I'm not going to push myself to start riding again until I'm good & ready. In the meantime, I'm hiking a lot, and enjoying the beautiful hiking trails near me that I hardly knew existed until now.

I hope things look up for you, kajero.

It's been a very interesting thread for me too as I have also had major changes and upheaval in my career life and am in-between career path currently. I know that affected my whole winter and early spring, desire to ride and a whole host of other things as well. I've detailed a bit more about it in my blog but I find it remarkable and also comforting to know that as others have experienced major life changes it has affected their cycling too. We're all different, but all the same too.

[ny biker]

Extreme stress can be exhausting, and mind-numbing.

Today I seem to be suffering from a more acute form of motivation loss. I'm trying to muster the energy to go out for a spin on yet another gray chilly spring day.

[grouch2]

Good for you for taking a short ride.
Depression is difficult. It's so hard to understand why the things you used to love don't even stir an interest anymore. I'm so glad you're doing the medication AND counseling route. It really will make a difference.
Your SO will probably notice a change in you and in your moods before you do.
Take short rides as you feel like it. Take walks or anything else you may feel like to get moving a little. Sometimes just sitting outside can help...
I have depression that can be almost crippling if I don't catch it early and get my meds adjusted. The death of a parent can definitely send you into a tailspin, as can work stress and many other things.
Hang in there. It will get better.

[Scrappy]

+1 on the hybrid. Something ridiculously easy to ride and relax on like a Townie. Also, get on some safe park paths and put some fun/upbeat music on while you ride. Music will help give you energy and help drown out the spinning wheel in your head.

Best Wishes,
Scrappy

[hirakukibou]

I totally understand the struggles of getting on the bike with depression. I have struggled with major depression, severe and chronic, for over ten years. A year ago I lost my father too and then my ex-husband was murdered last September. And as some of you know already, getting on the bike has been quite challenging for me.

My strategy has been to take short rides with supportive friends. I bargin with myself -- I push myself to go out for a half an hour and if that is all I can do, fine. Sometimes I get more inspired and do longer.

I have also been keeping a journal about my relationship with riding and how I feel about it. After I got back from my ex-husband's (who is also my best friend) memorial last September, I could not ride at all without crying. I went on slow, short rides and cried. Then I had one ride where I only cried before and not too much during. It was a beautiful day! It was a breakthrough.

Now, I am able to ride some alone. It is still hard. Part of dealing with my depression has been knowing when to rest and when to push through -- not always easy to discern.

I am looking forward to the time when I feel fully at ease on my bike -- it is worth the effort. Meanwhile, I am trying to be patient with myself and taking each ride one at a time. I am looking forward to riding with Crankin' on Friday -- hope the weather cooperates.

I actually wrote about when to rest and push through on my blog. Check it out if you want. (It's early on in my posts.) www.thepolkadotjournal.blogspot.com

[kajero]

This thread is so amazing to me. It is wonderful reading all the posts and seeing how many of you are/were in somewhat of the same situation and how you dealt or are deaing with it. Your advice, understanding, and stories are wonderful. It is nice to know that other people have dealt with or are dealing with this. Hopefully, I will get back to riding soon. I am really trying, but it just seems so hard to get motivated. It's so hard because cycling is about the only exercise I really enjoy.

[kajero]

Well, now I KNOW I have truly lost my desire to ride. I was hoping by now the work situation would clear up and I would feel like a person again. It hasn't. Anyway, it was a gorgeous morning for riding. What did I do rather than go for a ride? I scrubbed my kitchen floor, washed down all the cabinets, and cleaned all the appliances. (Now you know how bad it is . . . clean instead of ride???? ) After I got all that done, it rained! I have a clean kitchen, but a very lonely Specialized Ruby in the garage. It just looks so forlorn. Maybe I will try to ride again tomorrow. My SO and I are going to attempt it in the afternoon. I wonder if I even remember how to pedal.

It is sad, because I could have gone riding with all my friends today, too! After their ride there was a surprise birthday party for one of them. I just couldn't go. I was afraid my awful mood would wreck the ride and celebration.

[Penny4]

I feel your pain, and understand your lack of desire to ride.

Last year, I was waking up at 6:30am on weekends to go for rides, rushing home from work to go for evening rides....this year, hardly anything. Work has been stressful, depression is hanging over me. The thought of going for a ride is exhausting. Ugh, pumping up the tires, putting the shorts on, filling up the water bottle....all of the sudden it seemed like SO much WORK to go for a ride.

I am so mad at myself because i missed some of the best riding days this spring to lay around in bed and do nothing all day. And now i feel like I am out of shape and can't ride with my normal crew.

However....I did "force" myself to go for a ride last Monday and today. And I remembered why I do it. It is the only time I can really forget about all of those other things that are stressing me out. I don't think about work, or family problems, or loneliness because I am focusing on my riding, and my mind can just be free for a few hours. I only did 12 miles today but i felt great afterwards, and will try to remember that "great" feeling the next time I'd rather hide under the covers.

Like others have said, maybe sometimes you just need a break from it....it's not the right thing for you right now. Maybe cleaning was a good thing for yout today. It's ok to not ride. But I bet your Ruby really does miss you Good luck working through things.

[colorisnt]

Baby steps are still moves forward. Depression is a hard thing for anyone to deal with. For me, I just had to force myself to do things or other people had to do it. I would go out and sometimes just be winded to walk down the street. But eventually, I started enjoying it before I even realized that going out or working out was helping. Cycling's contagious, anyway. You're bound to start wanting to go out again if you keep at it. Do as much as you can and that's good enough. Depression is a tough card to be dealt but you appear to be doing a GREAT time actively trying to improve your mood. That's all you can do. Give it time and *hugs*. It's not something that happens over night but before you know it, you will be back where you want to be soon.

[ny biker]

I actually see a positive here. You didn't go for a bike ride, but you also didn't lie in bed all day or sit on the couch staring at the TV. You put your energy into cleaning, which is productive.

I hope you're able to enjoy a ride today.

[shootingstar]

+1 with ny biker.

After all, deep depression often means a person doesn't doesn't want to clean their home regularily (if they are normally a neat person). That's the first sign.
You're on your road to recovery ....a lot more than you think.

Try not to overthink or rationalize our daily activities ...to be you. Be you now. (I hope I make sense.)

I'm not sure why I'm not cycling a lot longer distances regularily so far this year. I do bike daily and coming out of winter season I should be quadrupling or quintupling my daily distances or so, especially on weekends at minimum. But so far not a lot longer ride distances, and I have a lot of excuses if you were to corner me for an answer.

There's a part of me that is a bit calmer and in less grieving turmoil (over my sister's death) with a much more profound awareness that every bike ride I do each time ...is a gift to me. That I still have the ability to ride and enjoy it. When I ride with my partner..it's a double gift for us.

[Catrin]

I am noticing the same problem with getting out on my bike, I've been referring to it as being a weather weenie, but it seems a little more than that. I HAVE been under a lot of stress (both work and otherwise) lately but part of me wonders if it is also related to my many mtb injuries the last two years. Not on the road though, so unsure why this would be related unless it is the association with 2 wheels. I also have other activities that I am enjoying as much as riding so it may be no more complicated than that. After my mtb women's clinic volunteer activities this weekend I am going to start forcing myself to ride more often. I don't think it will take much "forcing" to get through this - I hope! I do enjoy it when I get out there - it is the "getting started" part that is the problem, and then I am satisfied with much shorter rides than at one time.

The others have provided good advice - and sometimes we do reach those times when we need to step back or do something else for a little time. Be kind to yourself and keep taking those baby steps. Good for you for not sitting in front of the TV too much and keep putting one foot in front of the other! Post here as you need to.