Reminders- age but different life choices

[indysteel]

That's one thing that I really miss about school--that sense of a new beginning/fresh start each semester. Now it's the same thing year after year. I've been doing my job long enough now that things that happened 10 years ago feel like they happened just last year and things that happened just last year feel like they happened 10 years ago. It's just this one gigantic blur.

[lph]

I'm curious as to why several of you mention being surprised that co-workers have parents your age. I'm 43, and some of my youngest co-workers are in the early twenties, young enough for me technically to be their mother. Though I'll admit that I would be surprised too if they had parents my age, since the average age for a first birth is late twenties. But I'd pretty much expect that to be the case if I were ten years older.

Maybe it is the case that having kids (in my case kid) make you more aware of the passing of time. My son is very obviously a tall, lanky, moustachioed young man now, not a child, and I can visualize him having kids of his own even though I'm not expecting them anytime soon (dear god, no :-0). But I guess the awareness that I'm approaching grandmotherable age is kinda there, no matter how fit or active I am physically. And since I have grey hair too now people have stopped nagging me about having "another one" But I have close friends my own age or just a few years younger who want and are trying to have kids, so the very clear-cut generation divides aren't really there anymore.

But as to whether kids change an active lifestyle - it surely is harder to keep up a very active lifestyle once you have a child in the equation too, especially two, and school holidays are unfortunately limiting. I seriously missed not being able to travel when I wanted to, once I had a schoolchild. But I got a lot better at including physical activity in my everyday life, because that's where it had to be. Ok, so I didn't go to Antarctica, but I got pretty good at rock climbing, and biking everywhere, and I took up kayaking. And Antarctica is still there. I've met people who've said to us as young parents, as a compliment, "it's so nice to see that "life doesn't end" once you become a parent". And I thought "well, who told you it did in the first place?"

[indysteel]

Generally speaking, my friends that were physically active prior to having kids, continue to be active even though it can be challenging. Those that weren't active prior to having kids continue to be inactive. They'd like to fault the kids for this, but I would assume that in their more honest moments, they would admit that it's perhaps not that simple. That's not to suggest that I don't understand the challenges. Heck, even without children, it can be hard.

[lph]

Generally speaking, my friends that were physically active prior to having kids, continue to be active even though it can be challenging. Those that weren't active prior to having kids continue to be inactive. They'd like to fault the kids for this, but I would assume that in their more honest moments, they would admit that it's perhaps not that simple. That's not to suggest that I don't understand the challenges. Heck, even without children, it can be hard.

Yup, I think children are just one thing that can make it more of a challenge to stay physically active, but there are many other things too, a stressful or challenging job, a long commute, sick or elderly parents or any number of things can be just as much a drain on your resources and time. Ack, I don't mean a drain. Just that life can be more or less full of things to do or handle, and a day is only so long. Physical activity is important to my mental wellbeing even more than my physical, so I find it relatively easy to give it high priority. If I'd felt it was a huge struggle I'd probably be among the ones who let it go as soon as I had a kid to blame

[shootingstar]

If it weren't for me in menopause and my partner's age, I would be more oblivious to the passage of the years.

LPH alot of people do mention about their kids, as a barrier to becoming more fit/healthier. And some of these folks are parents with adult children...living at home.

[emily_in_nc]

We are 51 (me) and 58 (DH) and are childless, not by choice, but it's ended up being somewhat of a blessing in disguise as we've been able to retire early and travel -- something we couldn't have done so easily if we'd had children. One thing I've noticed, especially recently, is that we seem to have a lot more in common with younger married-without-children couples than with couples our own age. Partly because younger couples without kids don't talk about their kids (obviously), and partly because we still do active, adventurous, "young" activities -- like cycling, hiking, kayaking, etc. while most people we meet who are our age don't. Even though their kids are out of the nest, so in theory we'd have a lot in common with them, in many cases they are into entirely different pursuits than us -- like playing golf, taking cruises, and other things that just aren't "us". Not so many into hiking or cycling. And certainly very few into our type of traveling. Here in Belize we've been traveling in the country as the locals do -- on local buses and carrying backpacks. Sure don't see many 50-something Americans doing that, but we've run into quite a few 20- and 30-somethings who do.

Anyway, it's all very interesting to me and sometimes makes us feel really different. But really, age is just a number, and it's more about finding interesting, like-minded friends no matter what their ages. One thing we've found as we've gotten older is that we're much more open-minded about having friends of all different ages, if we are like-minded and share some interests.

[emily_in_nc]

DH is twelve years my junior. I'm not sure why, but most people seem more comfortable with the idea of a younger woman marrying a younger man, so I often brace myself for a negative reaction. For us, it was obviously crucial that neither of us wanted children. I will admit to some unease with the age difference as I worry about what the future will hold for us as I age well in advance of him. It is an added incentive to stay active and healty--to the extent I can control such things. Sometimes my body doesn't want to cooperate and tha'ts frustrating. I do know that I already have a leg up on many of my peers in terms of fitness, and my attitude about aging and retirement is important, too.

Indy, I just wanted to comment that my mother is 12 years older than my step-father, and they have been married 25 years now, so they faced many of the things you are facing and thinking about. My mother turned down his proposals for years before she finally said "yes", because she did not want to be this older woman married to a younger man. Finally, though, she did say yes. She had two children from her previous marriage, and he had never been married before, so she needed to make very sure he would never want children of his own. Fortunately, he said he didn't and was true to his word. He's been a wonderful step-father to my brother and me all these years.

One kind of funny thing is that my DH is older than me so is only 7 years younger than my step-father, so they are great friends and peers more than "father-in-law/son-in-law". We have a very interesting blended multi-generational family!

Also, as they've both aged, my step-father is actually in poorer health than my mother, so you honestly can't tell that much difference in their ages based on how they look. He's put on weight, gone gray, etc. She is now about to turn 78, and he's about to turn 66, and their age difference looks a lot less than 12 years. And with her genes (my grandparents lived until 94 and 96!), she just might outlive him. Just goes to show that you never know!

[indysteel]

Thanks for sharing that about your mom, Emily! I love success stories!

[emily_in_nc]

Thanks for sharing that about your mom, Emily! I love success stories!

My pleasure! You have every reason to expect a success story in your case as well!

[jobob]

Without any family children or any obvious ways to gauge time passing (like old-acting parents), we have no idea that time is truly passing! ... It's weird, but I still think I'm in my mid-30's and I'm having a hard time learning to adjust to being my own age!

I've felt that too to some extent, not having children to mark the passing of time, though as an almost 53-year old I'm stuck more in my 40's than my 30's

My high school graduating class has it's 35th reunion this past weekend; I didn't attend it, but photos have been posted. My first reaction when I saw the photos was "OMG, AM I REALLY THAT OLD?!!?" (though some in my class have aged less gracefully than others ...)

[Crankin]

I find this thread so interesting, but maybe not for the original opinion that Shooting Star made.

I think my lifestyle/thoughts are quite similar to Emily's, even though I have children. I feel little in common with most people my age, because we are out doing the things that younger people do. I feel guilty thinking that I hate going to the synagogue (which was a significant part of my life/social activities) because I look at the people I've known there for 20 years and they look/act old. Some appear to be handicapped by their health in some way. Even my 2 "regular" friends sometimes get on my nerves, mostly because they talk about how they "can't do this, etc" or their idea of fun is a cruise. Ugh. These 2 are both somewhat surprised of my newer friendship with someone who I met through them, but now is a rider. Yea, I brought her over to our side.
This said, most of the people I ride with are my age (58, almost 59) or older. AMC and my other riding group are full of very fit people in their 60's, 70's and beyond. These people are my role models and almost all of them have kids, so there are people who had kids and stayed active around here. Most of them do/have done a lot more than me, including some adventurous travel and many Boston Marathons. And people who are surprised that life doesn't have to end when you have kids have been a peeve of mine since, well, since I had kids. For the past 30 years, I swore that kids wouldn't change me. My kids were planned and wanted, but but I can honestly say, I am still the same person inside. Sure, it took a little planning and organizing, but most of all, it took the desire to maintain and pursue an adult life, with adult interests. My DH and I went out almost every Saturday night, with friends, or alone, and I did a ton of volunteer work, in addition to working full time. My kids turned out quite normal, despite what others might have thought at the time (like in, oh, she works all week and then gets a babysitter to go out with her DH).
What was different was the way I got my fitness. I woke up early and went to the gym at 5:30 AM, so it didn't interfere with my family. After we moved to MA from AZ, we started doing a few little outdoor things with the kids, but since we weren't that much into what we do now, it was minimal. I sincerely regret this. My kids would have loved being on the back of a bike, in a trailer or tag-along, hiking, camping. There are plenty of venues for families to do this here, but I just didn't know about this.

[tealtreak]

This has proved to be a very interesting thread- the agreement seems to be- if you choose an "active" lifestyle kids/no kids is not super relevant. Folks with no kids often have many other time constraints. I have 4 kids and my boys are my mt biking buddies and my daughter and I love to hike and kayak. The amusing kid related "fit it in" fitness issue that always gives me a chuckle: I do my Sat road ride while my daughter is horseback riding. Three times someone leading a feisty Thoroughbred has commented to me as I am getting my bike off the rack to "be careful" "bike riding is dangerous" makes my day

[Catrin]

Very interesting thread indeed! As a very active 52, almost 53 year old year old who has been divorced since age 23 and long-time single with no kids, I find myself very isolated. I've never had a large group of friends but I've always had good ones...but they are so busy with kids and life that we rarely can seem to find the time to meet-up any more. I certainly have fitness/cycling friends but there again, they aren't single or childless and it just becomes more difficult to meet up with people. I understand life is busy, my own certainly is. I find the older I get the more this bothers me, but such is life. At the same time I've become more comfortable in my own skin so that is a good thing. I will keep doing the things I love to do, solo or not and, I HAVE started meeting others that I can do things with - both here at TE and at my fitness facility and that is a GOOD thing. I just need to make certain that I am not doing things to insure that continued isolation.

I also find it more difficult to attend church than it once was, and that is a little troubling as it was once very important to me. Part of it is because there are so many people there in my age group, like Crankin, that just seem/act so old...and I can no longer connect to them and they obviously think I am odd for being so active. Meh, that is enough kvetching

[GLC1968]

I've felt that too to some extent, not having children to mark the passing of time, though as an almost 53-year old I'm stuck more in my 40's than my 30's

My high school graduating class has it's 35th reunion this past weekend; I didn't attend it, but photos have been posted. My first reaction when I saw the photos was "OMG, AM I REALLY THAT OLD?!!?" (though some in my class have aged less gracefully than others ...)

I'm 26 years post HS and I do the exact same thing! Just yesterday I saw the current photo of a guy I knew back then on facebook and I could barely recognize him. If his name wasn't right next to his face, I wouldn't have. I've noticed that it is even more obvious (or shocking!) that the men are aging than the women because they tend to lose their hair and get much meatier (how many guys remain as pre-pubescent skinny as HS??).

[tulip]

I went to my 25th year HS reunion a few years ago. Only 4 women (none of us have kids and none of us are currently married) from our class showed up, and we all looked really good, I must say. All the men but 5 who showed up (about 20 or so, I'd guess) brought seemingly identical Barbie wives, as if to show them off to the other men with similar wives. It was quite surreal. I don't know where the other women were--even the popular ones didn't show up. It was very odd, indeed. 25 classmates (plus guests) might seem like a small reunion, but my class was only 49 people altogether, so it was actually a pretty good showing.

Most of the men looked pretty good, too, actually. I guess we all have remained active, or at least the ones who showed up to the reunion!