Can't insert tampon

[moonfroggy]

i had vaginismus that made using a tampon impossible for a while then it got possible but unpleasant then i did biofeedback and it is possible now with few problems.

[Kiwi Stoker]

Yes I realise this will be a contraversal idea, but it's an idea to chuck in the pot.

What about the pill? That way she can plan ahead for races and skip a period (or stop all periods) if she wants to or alter it by a few days. There's other benefits as well like lighter periods, can help acne etc.

I wish my mum had helped me ask the doctor to be put on it earlier- the misery of painful and heavy periods while doing an active physical sport (in my case karate- ekk white gis anyone. It was sometimes very embrassing)
and trying to work out whether or not an important event would clash with it.

I realise this also would depend on your personal beliefs on the matter but the pill isn't just for birth control.

[OakLeaf]

That's got to be every woman's personal decision (and I have to say, as much as I would leave it up to any adult woman, I do NOT think an adolescent should take hormones). But at the risk of stating the obvious, if a woman can't put even something small and narrow in there, there's a strong likelihood that she'll find great pain when she should be having great pleasure, and I don't mean during swim meets...

+1 on Planned Parenthood. The NP spent plenty of time with me making sure I knew how to insert and remove my cervical cap. (And I went to PP well into my 40s, as long as I had to worry about such things, because they are the ONLY people in my area who offer a full range of birth control options. Most of the GYN offices I called, the receptionists had never even heard of cervical caps.)

If there isn't a PP in your area, maybe there's a certified nurse-midwife who would have the time for your daughter.

[Melalvai]

If there isn't a PP in your area, maybe there's a certified nurse-midwife who would have the time for your daughter.

The nearest PP is in Columbia, which is 90 miles away, not horribly far but I'd prefer something closer. How would I locate a midwife? I believe they are finally legal in Missouri because a couple years ago a politician threw away his career to slip that amendment into another law.

[Melalvai]

What about the pill?

We have considered this and a lot of options. One criteria for selecting a doctor is someone who won't try to convince us to put her on the pill. I've already had it out with the school nurse, who thinks that girls are just trying to get out of PE, and believes that keeping her home one day a month when these lovely hormones are so readily available is nonsense, lol!

[Melalvai]

I asked around for recommendations. Since we just moved here this summer I don't know anyone well and so my source of recommendations is not someone I know very well. I don't have much info on this doctor which makes me nervous.

We discussed it the night before the triathlon and yet my daughter is furious with me for making the appointment. I know that actually she's just scared and uncomfortable. Hopefully I'll be able to talk to her before Thursday.

Any input on how I can prepare her for this? Any good articles or websites, in case she still doesn't want to talk to me but might be willing to read something?

I told her that if it is too terrifying and this doctor isn't able to calm her down, we won't go through with it. We can always leave and try another doctor. I'm more amenable now to the idea of driving to Columbia to Planned Parenthood, if that would help.

I feel so sorry for her! It wasn't this hard for me, but we're not the same person, and I was a little older, so I have a pretty good idea what she's going through.

[OakLeaf]

Here's a page from PP on pelvic exams: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/hea...-exam-4306.htm

I couldn't find anything directly on Our Bodies, Ourselves website, but the book likely has a good discussion (and IMO any adolescent girl should have a copy, if she doesn't already). Mine is two editions out of date...

[alpinerabbit]

She should try it lying down and when there is enough flow so it does not get stuck on the vaginal wall.

I hope she is comfortable enough touching herself because applicator tampons s*ck to put in for beginners. O.B.s are so much easier.

[colby]

I asked around for recommendations. Since we just moved here this summer I don't know anyone well and so my source of recommendations is not someone I know very well. I don't have much info on this doctor which makes me nervous.

We discussed it the night before the triathlon and yet my daughter is furious with me for making the appointment. I know that actually she's just scared and uncomfortable. Hopefully I'll be able to talk to her before Thursday.

Any input on how I can prepare her for this? Any good articles or websites, in case she still doesn't want to talk to me but might be willing to read something?

I told her that if it is too terrifying and this doctor isn't able to calm her down, we won't go through with it. We can always leave and try another doctor. I'm more amenable now to the idea of driving to Columbia to Planned Parenthood, if that would help.

I feel so sorry for her! It wasn't this hard for me, but we're not the same person, and I was a little older, so I have a pretty good idea what she's going through.

Thinking back to 15, I would probably be horrified as well, but honestly I really wish I could have had a doctor that I could have had that relationship with.

When I was 18 and heading off for college, my mom did take me to the family doctor for an exam and to suggest birth control, and the guy was a total creep. It really put me off of asking open questions with doctors until a few years later when I switched to Planned Parenthood, and it's taken me years to appreciate what they could offer to teenagers. I don't think it's exclusive of PP, it's just their culture. If you could find that same relationship with an MD, OB/GYN, or NP, I'd use it.

You may want to offer for her to have the conversation with the doctor by herself. You made the appointment, you can always explain and meet the doctor, and then offer to your daughter to excuse yourself (or talk about it ahead of time, maybe have her give you a signal). If the doctor is good with adolescents, they should be able to talk to her in a way that helps answer her questions, and you at least meeting the doctor might help you feel comfortable (or if you get creeped out, you can stay in the room and just describe the problem and see how they cover it). I don't want to presume that you shouldn't be a part of her solving her problem, but it might be an option, as you said she's a little put off discussing it with you. Tough, since like you said you don't really have a relationship with the doctor yet, so you might just be putting her in an uncomfortable situation.

They might suggest a pelvic exam, you might want to set some ground rules if you're not ready for that (you are still her advocate, and a darn fine one at that). Maybe a second opinion - see how this first one goes, then go to the PP.

I'm not sure any of that actually helped, just more thinking out loud. Thanks for being a mom to your daughter and covering this stuff - as hard as it is for both of you it's the right thing to do.

[shootingstar]

Hope your daughter finds a solution and still able to swim-compete.

I can imagine how she must feel. She needs a friendly female oby-gyn to confide/chat up.

Let's put it this way, I also needed the friendly chat-up, etc.

[Melalvai]

You all are awesome. Thanks for the support!! She's not speaking to me at the moment, she's not exactly angry at me, I'm just the focus of her anger & frustration. I just feel so sorry for her! I have an appt set for Thurs, a lead on midwives, I'm willing to drive to Columbia for Planned Parenthood, and a lead on another doctor who I have been promised is very good about presenting all the options, telling you which one she favors, and letting you make the choice (also located in Columbia). At the moment I'm inclined to reschedule or cancel the Thurs appt to give her time to get used to the idea of a pelvic exam.

[KnottedYet]

How about:

For this appointment make it a talking-only appointment. No exam, no disrobing and scooting to the end of the table This way she develops a relationship with her future doctor/midwife/nurse. She can ask questions and has time to get used to the idea with no pressure.

And perhaps stress to your daughter that it's up to her to decide when. If she has to sit out of swimming then that's is what happens until she is ready.

If she wants to swim badly enough, she may change her mind. But leave it up to her.

I know I wouldn't have been able to handle a pelvic at 15.

+ 1 !!!!!

Talk only at the first visit! Oh my goodness, if a tampon is too painful then a speculum would so much worse!

[Crankin]

Wow, I had no problems going to the gyno at 16. I guess it was the promise of bc pills...
I *did* have problems with tampons. It wasn't being grossed out, I just couldn't get the thing in. And my mom was no help. She started using tampons around the same time I did, and was so uninformed about it, that she went around with the tampon in, with the applicator still on. Don't ask me how she did that.

[Catrin]

After struggling with tampons for years, I finally went back to the alternative. I had a retroverted uterus back when I still had a reproductive system, and it was just a problem using tampons.

I remember my mother having to almost lasso and tie me down to get me to the gyn as a teenager - I was totally mortified at the mere idea and even now it takes a really good reason to go. Of course, after the ovarian cancer scare and subsequent surgery (I did not have ovarian cancer as it turned out, whew) there isn't much need for one these days

[badger]

And my mom was no help. She started using tampons around the same time I did, and was so uninformed about it, that she went around with the tampon in, with the applicator still on. Don't ask me how she did that.

sorry, but I just had to laugh out loud when I read this. I guess if it's new and you don't know, you really don't know!!