girl roles-playing princess, etc.

[OakLeaf]

What did, however, is the still present curse of disapproval--the things that I valued as a child were disapproved of by my parents. As a child, that translated into them disapproving of me.

YES!!!! And, their disapproving of my peers, and my learning to ape that disapproval. A constant bizarre dialectic of "I'm so much better than them" and "I'm completely worthless."

[channlluv]

When my daughter was four, someone gave her her first Barbie. She took her out of the box, played with her long, blonde hair a bit, fluffed up the party dress, looked at her pump-ready feet and then looked at me and said, "Mommy, her feets broke."

That was the end of her interest in Barbie.


Roxy

[Pax]

I dressed my Barbie in my brothers GI Joe fatigues, then she and I kicked commie butt.

[Grits]

I have two boys, and the youngest went through a princess, barbie phase when he was 4 or so. We didn't buy him any dresses, but he found things to make do with - a bathrobe of mine, for example. We didn't discourage him or encourage him, although we did buy him a Barbie doll or 2. He even took the Barbie to preschool for show and tell a few times. Negative peer pressure kicked in by kindergarten, and he can't believe it now when he sees pictures of himself dressed up. It did no harm, but I believe it would have been harmful to not allow him that expression that he seemed to need for whatever reason.

[OakLeaf]

looked at her pump-ready feet and then looked at me and said, "Mommy, her feets broke."

LMAO

And here I'm the one with calves full of trigger points, unable to dorsiflex my ankles beyond about 85°, when I've never in my life worn heels over 3" and heels that high only for a lifetime total of maybe 30 hours... only ever spent an hour or two a day walking in low-heeled pumps.

And my feets broke.

Get that Barbie some night splints, a Stick and a Thera-Cane.

[Crankin]

Oakleaf, your comment about how your parents made you feel really brought home my decision to accept my son's decision to join the Marines. I still didn't like it, but I couldn't reject my son. With almost six years perspective, we are as close as ever. Perhaps it also has to do with the fact he has made the decision that he will be done in 2 years and go back to school, but there have also been several other things that he has said recently that reflect the values he was brought up with. Eventually, they come to the surface and I feel like my parenting skills have been validated.

[VeloVT]

The Barbie itself did not have a negative effect on me. What did, however, is the still present curse of disapproval--the things that I valued as a child were disapproved of by my parents. As a child, that translated into them disapproving of me.

YES!!!! And, their disapproving of my peers, and my learning to ape that disapproval. A constant bizarre dialectic of "I'm so much better than them" and "I'm completely worthless."

Oakleaf & Tulip, well put. I can really relate to this, unfortunately.

[GLC1968]

I was not allowed to have Barbies, so I went over to my friends to play with hers.

The Barbie itself did not have a negative effect on me. What did, however, is the still present curse of disapproval--the things that I valued as a child were disapproved of by my parents. As a child, that translated into them disapproving of me.

I hope your brother just lets his daughter be.

Yes! My best friend growing up had this same problem. She used to hang out at our house because we 'could do anything we wanted'...(sort of!) and would dread when it was time to go home. Even as a small child, that seemed wrong to me.

[limewave]

Parenting is really tough. You think you're doing the best for your kids and it ends up being the wrong thing.

My mom pushed barbies on me too. She had always wanted barbies but her family couldn't afford them. So she bought a bunch for me. I hated them.

I, too, have always felt like I didn't "fit" in my family. I was never what they "pictured" their daughter to be like.

[Cataboo]

ha.

My Mom's proud of me - but I am not quite the daughter she imagined...

She'll say things like "My friends kids get married, they have children, they own big houses... loook at my kids, what have they done?"

then she'll mention how well one of her friend's daughter is doing... and I'll be like... seriously Mom? She got pregnant at 15, dropped out of high school, has 4 kids, is on her 2nd marriage and has the big house because while her 2nd husband was divorcing his 1st wife, she got in a car accident with their daughter, both died, and he got the life insurance... But... hey, she's married with 4 kids & has a big house.

The thread on Mother's buying bike stuff for us was funny in that - I suppose if I asked my Mom to, she'd buy me bike stuff - But she really likes buying me jewelry, going to the jewelry shop with me, helping to design the jewelry, etc. And while I like jewerly, it's pretty, I don't wear it too much 'cause of what I do at work, and it's a bit dangerous if I crash with it on... so around my birthday or christmas, I let her take me jewelry shopping... It makes her happy, she gets to spend time with me, and it's a gift that she understands and i get a pretty trinket... When I first started skiing, she did take me and buy some base layers and fleece to layer - but I was still in college without much of an income.

My father understood my hobbies a lot better, and was more financially supportive of them - so as a kid, I'd get cabbage patch dolls from my Mom as gifts, and science kits or cameras or whatever from my Dad. It worked.


And I'm in no way saying my parents were or are bad

[ginny]

Catriona, that jewelery comment is funny to me: when I was graduating with my BS, my mom asked what I wanted. Easy, a sea kayak. I got an antique ring

She did her best. I also wasn't allowed to play with barbie dolls. It didn't matter to me because I didn't really want to. Though, Tulip, I can see how if I did want to play with barbie dolls, i would have seen my mother's rejection of them as a rejection of me.

I have no children, and I thank the universe that I will not have to face those painfully difficult questions that come with rearing children. I also thank the universe that I was blessed with a (fallible) mother who loved me dearly.

[SpinSpinSugar]

Umm... Have your brother get her a bike or trike or whatever - and turn the damn tv off. Take her to a park with a sandbox or some swings. Give the kid something else to do or be interested in - rather than letting them figure out what they "want" to get into.

Kids need firm rules, boundaries, and limitations - no different than dogs or any other pack mammals. If she wants her Princess stuff - than it should be earned first, the amount of time and manner it's played with controlled, and she needs to respect the limits when it's time to put it away. If those things do not happen then no Princess playtime... period.

SpinSpinSugar

[limewave]

Umm... Have your brother get her a bike or trike or whatever - and turn the damn tv off. Take her to a park with a sandbox or some swings. Give the kid something else to do or be interested in - rather than letting them figure out what they "want" to get into.
SpinSpinSugar

Easier said than done. We take DD on bike rides all the time. Play at the park. DH built her a huge sandbox that she loves to play in. And the only TV she watches is Handy Manny in the AM when we're getting ready for work. She loves all of those things . . . but she also loves Princesses. I think this has more to do with her older cousin--whom she ADORES.

Unless you homeschool and don't let your kids play with other kids . . . then you can't control everything they are exposed to.

[Cataboo]

Catriona, that jewelery comment is funny to me: when I was graduating with my BS, my mom asked what I wanted. Easy, a sea kayak. I got an antique ring

I also thank the universe that I was blessed with a (fallible) mother who loved me dearly.

I never asked my Mom for a kayak - I just bought them myself and I think it still gives her heart attacks that I go out in them.

But when it came time for me to get a car, and I was cheaping out - my Mom was pretty insistent that I get the subaru that I'd mentioned wanting before to carry my boats & bikes... and helped with it for my grad school graduation.

She bought me a nice flat screen tv last christmas - which is great - but... I don't really watch tv. She went out at 5 am on Black friday to get one for me. I finally hooked it up to a digital antenna on Monday so I could see the season premiere of house. And i use it as a big computer monitor.

[SpinSpinSugar]

Unless you homeschool and don't let your kids play with other kids . . . then you can't control everything they are exposed to.

But you can control the intensity to which they express their interest in the things they are exposed to. Or at least the actions that come from those things they are interested in.

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