Puzzling death circumstances in a family

[Tuckervill]

Yes, you should never ask unless you are person who is entitled to know (that would vary depending on the relationships involved). Offer your condolences.

However, there is a stigma attached to suicide, and I have observed it demonstrated in some of these posts. I'm very sorry for you if suicide has touched your life. There is no shame in the fact that someone you love was ill enough to commit suicide. The stigma, in fact, contributes to the incidence of suicide. If those who are suicidally depressed were able to know they weren't alone, maybe there would be less suicide. It is the fifth leading cause of death among 18-65 year olds! We shouldn't punish the families of those who have done it, and make them feel as if it should be a secret.

This is no comment on the cause of death of shootingstar's relative's cause of death.

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, outofthedarkness.org, if you want to learn more.

Karen

[Aggie_Ama]

My Nanny died last month of pnuemonia and alzheimers. The alzheimers would make her believe she ate and she didn't. It would make her paranoid where she would refuse meds and meals. The disease confused her and made her think she was going insane. It weakened her body to where pneumonia quickly killed her, it was barely a week from when she showed symptoms until she died. She also was bipolar, life long smoker, alcoholic and lets not forget a loving mother, friend and Nanny.

I read an article the last time I was at the neurologist about early-onset alzheimers in a women who was in her 40's. Although rare, it is not an unknown condition.

Although curious due to his age, it may be exactly what they said. This day in age it is shocking and I too am curious when something seems odd. I think when someone your own age dies you are a little more curious and question it. I know my Mammaw does and she is 92!

[Crankin]

This is slightly off topic, but sort of related. A friend of my younger son died yesterday; Scott became friends with him in 5th grade when we moved to Boxborough. The friendship was really close, although in high school not so much. They had many friends in common. His dad was a teacher at the high school and was force to retire due to drinking problems. The parents got divorced. Dad now resides in Concord and I see him all the time at the train station and he appears to be teaching in Boston somewhere.
I always read the obituaries and was shocked to see this first thing this morning in the Globe. There was no cause of death listed, so I assume it's suicide. It really hit me hard. I haven't seen this kid since 2003. I felt better after signing the on line guest book and talking to my son, but it's just weird. I have dealt with death many times and rarely cry. Perhaps because those deaths were expected, I could imagine it and if I do that, I am fine. I am usually quite stoic, but this got to me.

[Cataboo]

I wouldn't necessary assume suicide... A lady on a yahoo group that I follow posted last week heart broken because her teenage/college age (I didn't ask but she was talking about how excited he was about going back to school) son just died in his sleep... They were doing an autopsy looking for a cause of death such as aneurysm, congenital heart problem, etc.

[sfa]

Suicide is only number 3 on the list of the top causes of death in young people (i.e. older teens and young 20's). Accidents are the cause of more than 50% of deaths at that age (car accidents being the most common, causing nearly 40% of the deaths) and homicide is next on the list, and then suicide, which is the cause of death in a little over 10% of cases at that age.

[sfa]

I'm so sorry for their loss--it must be awful to deal with the death of a loved one so young (55 seems younger and younger to me these days!).

I think it's natural to wonder about the cause of death when it was unexpected or the person was young. In this case, though, it doesn't seem at all suspicious. Seriously, if they were going to make something up, don't you think they'd go with something more common? No one would question a heart attack in a 55 year old guy. The fact that the cause seems surprising makes me think that of course that's the real cause of death.

Sarah