Lost a mechanic (long post)

[OakLeaf]

Fuji, that stinks. +1 to reporting him, and I sure hope you find a new mechanic soon.

I'm with the ones who say don't bring your boyfriend to talk to the manager. I TOTALLY get the desire for moral support, but chances are the manager will take you less seriously if it appears you're not there on your own.

[Irulan]

I guess I am just surprised at that. While I don't disagree, I do think we need to stand up for ourselves and not be dependent on that man waiting in the wings to back us up. To me its' simple enough, if you aren't believed, you go straight to the cops and file a sexual harrassment/assault charge. It's much more empowering to take care of this stuff on your own.

[Iris616]

What a tough situation, and I'm sorry it happened to you. Go speak to the manager. You might save a less savvy/stron/confident woman from a much worse situation. You had the common sense to try not to get near him, and he still was that aggressive.

[lph]

um... I would hate to sound like I'm somehow supporting harassment or something, but to me he just sounds like a besotted idiot with bad impulse control, not some creepy jerk who does this to women all the time. I feel sorry for the guy. And of course - double sorry for fujichants who has to deal with it all.

[Biciclista]

Yes, a woman SHOULD be able to go into a shop and make a complaint without her "man" present. But there's an angle here that you are missing. it's one person's word against the other. Once the boyfriend walks in and says, yes, I"ve seen how he makes her uncomfortable, it's TWO against one.

[alpinerabbit]

um... I would hate to sound like I'm somehow supporting harassment or something, but to me he just sounds like a besotted idiot with bad impulse control, not some creepy jerk who does this to women all the time. I feel sorry for the guy. And of course - double sorry for fujichants who has to deal with it all.

Same.
I think the wrong response would be to feel victimized.
It's possible he's done it before, but I lean on the side of caution and just brushing it off. I'd talk to him first and get an apology.

[Zen]

Yes, a woman SHOULD be able to go into a shop and make a complaint without her "man" present. But there's an angle here that you are missing. it's one person's word against the other. Once the boyfriend walks in and says, yes, I"ve seen how he makes her uncomfortable, it's TWO against one.

I disagree.
A competent business manager will take her at her word.
With the boyfriend present it could be construed as a jealous boyfriend.

[SadieKate]

I agree the boyfriend doesn't need to be there. A reasonable manager should take your word for it. Do it in person, not over the phone. Bringing in your boyfriend as your boyfriend weakens your stance as a paying customer, male or female.

However, there is value in having the boyfriend there to say "if you don't fix this you will lose 2 customers." Be sure he doesn't say or demonstrate any flexed male muscles and ego.

And both of you should say that you will be sure the word is passed along to all friends that there is a mechanic there whose behavior cannot be trusted outside the store.

So what if he is a besotted idiot and how would anyone know if he does this to other women unless the manager is notified? I'd sure be questioning whether battery has occurred.

[lph]

I didn't say, or mean, that the manager should not be notified. He (or she) should be notified - if fujichants wants to - but I was questioning the responses that thought this guy would do this again or has done so to others. I found it hard to tell from the story.

[sgtiger]

Fujichants, creep, indeed! I'm inclined to think that the mechanics actions were more than mere social blunders. The impression that I received from your post was that you did all you could to spurn his actions yet despite that he went ahead and made inappropriate advances. I'd make a formal written complaint to the manager/owner with a detailed account of what happened. That way you can keep a copy and notify the LBS without having to speak to them in person. You should clearly spell out for them every instance where he acted despite your protests. Whether the LBS does anything or not at least you they've been made aware of the events that cost them a customer and you have a copy to file with the proper authorities if the mechanic should ever try to contact you in any way again.

[sundial]

Well, I guess I'm an old fashioned southern gal but I still feel that having her boyfriend there will help. I don't feel that having a man present weakens the testimony. If anything, it will strengthen her case.

[Irulan]

um... I would hate to sound like I'm somehow supporting harassment or something, but to me he just sounds like a besotted idiot with bad impulse control, not some creepy jerk who does this to women all the time. I feel sorry for the guy. And of course - double sorry for fujichants who has to deal with it all.

I hate to think how many other women might have had to tolerate "poor impulse control".

[jesvetmed]

wow

ew

Well said. guy sounds creepy and a bit sad. Sorry you have to find a new mechanic. That's the toughest part here.

[KSH]

WOW! That's really bad.

Flirting... annoying, but no harm. Walking out to your car and then kissing you on the cheek? YUCK! Way over the line.

There is no way you can go back there. What a freak that guy is. Just wow.

[Irulan]

Well, I guess I'm an old fashioned southern gal but I still feel that having her boyfriend there will help. I don't feel that having a man present weakens the testimony. If anything, it will strengthen her case.

How does it strengthen her case?

I think the opposite, bring BF with speaks volumes: I'm too intimidated to do this own my own so I brought my boyfriend with me to provide intimidating glares".