not coming to a child's birthday party

[Veronica]

How hurtful to be one of the ones who did not get an invitation when part of the class is all abuzz about the cool party they are going to.

...Why is that a bad rule? I know a little girl who is rarely invited to parties. She suffers enough without having to watch the "chosen" ones open up their invites and know that she was excluded and that the whole class knows she was excluded.

Apparently my students have better manners. They don't open the invites in class. In classroom the "buzz" is focused on academics.

V.

[SadieKate]

Lifesgreat, I was actually going back to the thread because I forgot to say that. Merci for commenting on répondez s'il vous plaît.

[mtbdarby]

SK - in the old days parents picked up their kids In this day and age most parents work until 5pm so kids are bussed to daycare, have grandparents pick them up, etc. Thus my dilemna - how to contact the parents when you don't know who they are??

One child he knows from preK I know the parents last name and the moms first name. I was gonna call her this weekend but HER name isn't in the phone book and I don't know her husbands name. And no adays parents don't necessarily have the same last name....ugh.

Are their school policies that prohibit teachers from giving out parent info for classes?

[SadieKate]

Ask the teacher. Surely s/he knows who/when the child is picked up. Be there when they do. Or ask the teacher if s/he would give the parents (or grandparents) a note with your contact info. Does the school have a parents' day or open house? Ask for parent volunteers when you could be there when the child is picked up? I can't believe it would be that hard.

[Lifesgreat]

Lifesgreat, I was actually going back to the thread because I forgot to say that. Merci for commenting on répondez s'il vous plaît.

De rien

[lph]

Well whaddyaknow. This case has actually got a follow-up. My son just told me that there will be a small birthday celebration at school for the boy in question, arranged by the teacher.

While I know this could open a whole can of worms when it comes to why him, why not everybody else, who next... in this particular case I am glad she is doing this. I sent her a short note saying so, and she replied telling me that this boy had been telling her about his upcoming birthday party for weeks and she was just crushed when she heard what happened. So I'm just really happy the class has a teacher who cares so much about her students.

I think it'll be ok actually, I think everybody realizes and accepts that this boy really is a bit different from all the others. He's not DISliked, just not very popular. He's friendly and outgoing, but acts very young for his age and lacks social antennae, and he may well have a diagnosis.

At our school we've always been given a contact list with everybody's adresses and phone numbers early each school year. Very handy!

[lph]

Apparently my students have better manners. They don't open the invites in class. In classroom the "buzz" is focused on academics.

V.

Just curious, Veronica - what age group do you teach?

[Veronica]

5th - 10 and 11 year olds. I've been teaching for 15 years.

It's an age when they can mostly begin to comprehend that life is not fair. You do have those exceptional children who don't understand that. They can understand what hurt feelings mean and most aren't deliberately cruel (although a few are.)

It's when they can start to understand that life is what you make it and that their choices DO matter. They cannot control everything that happens to them, who can? But they can choose to make the best of it, or not.

I have a student who started 5th grade not able to read. You would think she'd be teased unmercifully, but kids "get it." They celebrate all of her little successes. They're not perfect. My non reader has some other issues that can be annoying and they get on her for that stuff. But for academics, they are her cheerleaders. It's cool, what kids can do for each other.

V.

[BikeMomma]

5th - 10 and 11 year olds. I've been teaching for 15 years.

It's an age when they can mostly begin to comprehend that life is not fair. You do have those exceptional children who don't understand that. They can understand what hurt feelings mean and most aren't deliberately cruel (although a few are.)

It's when they can start to understand that life is what you make it and that their choices DO matter. They cannot control everything that happens to them, who can? But they can choose to make the best of it, or not.

My oldest son is in the fifth grade this schoolyear, V. He's already grown up SO much, and we're not even halfway through it!

~BikeMomma

[kelownagirl]

Are their school policies that prohibit teachers from giving out parent info for classes?

I send a note home letting parents know I will be sending out a class phone list and have them confirm that I can put their name on the list. I figure that covers me.

[wannaduacentury]

I've started having real b-day parties for my dd on what I call "milestone" birthdays. Like age 10, 13, 16 etc. I'm not going to throw around cash I don't always have just to put on a show once a yr. Besides the big parties will be more meaningful. My dd went to one of her girlfriends parties back in summer and she was the only one besides cousins that showed up. Personally I liked it that way, not too many people and they were a nice family and I liked the girl too. She has another frind the same age we trade parties with and her mom and I are good friends.
There was one party several years ago that while we were there, the folks just dissappeared into the bedroom while we there and just didn't come out for awhile. I personally thought it was rude, but didn't say anything. I'm still friends with them(known them for years) I just shy away from get togethers at their house for this reason(I don't think it dawned on them they were being rude). But it's old news and I'm not concerned with it. Jennifer

[Mr. Bloom]

In a way, the parents are to blame for this: too late notice it seems. Even if it were a child with more friends, 3 days notice isn't much for the weekend.

As a parent, I was really ticked off with these "short notice" invitations...

and I don't like in a strict scandanavian country

[lph]

Strict? Never thought of it that way!

Me too. I know that for most kids birthday parties are a big thing, and as long as our son is happy with it we try to make sure he shows. Having to do that on just a few days notice isn't always easy.

The teacher just sent out a letter to everybody about the small celebration at school. Handled very nicely: she wrote that while birthdays usually have nothing to do with school, there had been several unfortunate misunderstandings and the class has "no-one left out" as a kind of motto. And she discreetly reminded all parents to keep a careful eye on invitations and give a response whether the invite asked for it or not, without laying blame.

[maillotpois]

SK - in the old days parents picked up their kids In this day and age most parents work until 5pm so kids are bussed to daycare, have grandparents pick them up, etc. Thus my dilemna - how to contact the parents when you don't know who they are??

One child he knows from preK I know the parents last name and the moms first name. I was gonna call her this weekend but HER name isn't in the phone book and I don't know her husbands name. And no adays parents don't necessarily have the same last name....ugh.

Are their school policies that prohibit teachers from giving out parent info for classes?

Our school district publishes a directory with name/address/phone info for all kids k-8 in all elementary schools and middle school. Is that unusual? (You can be omitted if you like, of course).

[Veronica]

Yep, that's unusual. We have too much movement in our school to do something like that. Heck... we have parents give us emergency phone numbers that have been disconnected.

V.