Snowglobe vs Bike

[bounceswoosh]

My question is, did you ever actually tell him that you *don't* like snowglobes? If you did, well, nevermind. But if you didn't tell him because you didn't want to hurt his feelings ... now's the time.

[Justina]

life's too short girl. sell the globes, buy the bike, take a nice long ride on it and figure out what else you want in your life, Maybe its time to get rid of the globe giver too. Seems like you need to resolve some things with each other. like I said life is so short what a waste it would be......I know

[trekchic]

Ya know, you can almost ALWAYS attribute the problem to some deep-seated, internal fear, or concern, or attitude toward something.

In the case of the husband who got the globe instead of the bike, maybe he is subconsciously sending a message that he doesn't want you out on a bike all the time and not with him. Some of you will think, "aaaaawww, isn't that sweet?" But those of us who live with this know it has nothing to do with sweet! It's manipulative and controlling! UUUUUUUUHHHGGGG!

Maybe he's like every member of MY immediate family and thinks bike riding is stupid and doesn't want any of their friends to see you dressed in spandex!

Who knows? Next "gift-giving" event, instead of saying, "I'd like money or buy me______" take him to the bike shop a week before and PICK OUT WHAT YOU WANT AND BUY IT! Then say, "...thanks for my Christmas present, HUUUUUUUUUN!" Or just buy it, bring it home and put a bow on it. Then when everyone asks what's that for? Say, "it's the birthday present you guys bought for me........you're so sweet and thoughtful!"

[Trek420]

bounceswoosh wrote "did you ever actually tell him that you *don't* like snowglobes?"

But you told him what you *do* want.

I don't mean to kvetch but...since the party is not a member of this board so let's just go there and share the experience...in a certain past LTR I pretty much always had a list going; things my s.o wants, noticed looking at etc, never at a loss for the surprise "how'd you know?" gift. Didn't have to be expensive, just notice, listen, watch. I got.. pretty consistently....New Balance cross trainers. I like NB but...all the time? When I've dropped hints the size of bowling balls of other ideas? It was just one thing but was a sign of lack of communication.

Hope you two work things out.

[bounceswoosh]

But you told him what you *do* want.

I don't know what your financial situation is like, but just because I want something doesn't mean my hubby is in the position to get it ... I might mention a few extravagant gifts I'd love to have, but I'd make sure to include some much more reasonable choices, too.

[Trek420]

bounceswoosh "I don't know what your financial situation is like, but just because I want something doesn't mean my hubby is in the position to get it ... I might mention a few extravagant gifts I'd love to have, but I'd make sure to include some much more reasonable choices, too."

uhh, I'm pretty financially strapped right now, but thanks for asking, gone from being a DINK to a SINK. But did I mention prices? I'm not ever one to ask for extravagent gifts so everyone hold off on the carbon crank set you're getting me ;-)

It simply sounds like ACG is not being listened to. She's made suggestions, amended them (gift certificates, parts), showed some flexibility still gettin' the snow globe, not even a Lance Armstrong snow glove (do they make one?)

[bounceswoosh]

Yeah, you're probably right. My instincts keep screaming "communication issue," though. Not just about the gift. I do see a lot of people make assumptions about what their s.o. knows, or "should know." Heck, I do it myself sometimes. But of course, I don't know ACG or her hubby at all, so I'm playing extremely ineffective armchair psych.

Sorry about the SINK demotion =/ I didn't mean to be snitty, and to be honest I didn't re-read the post. Now I see the mention of a gift certificate.

Anyway, enough of me second-guessing others' relationships.

[Trek420]

bounceswoosh wrote: "Sorry about the SINK demotion =/"

Thanks, but no, I don't consider it a demotion in rank. Breaking up is hard to do (everybody sing!) but I've come to feel it's better than being in a relationship that was not meeting my most basic needs and with one who was not willing to do any of the work...takes two to do that and so I'm clippin' in and a'rollin' on.

Of all the things we do, relationships are the hardest and maybe the most important.

[ACG]

Ofcourse there is more going on here, you ladies are perceptive. I'm not happy at all in my situation. Wish I could have the type of relationships some of you have. I'm working towards a solution for myself. With kids it is hard, however they are older. I guess I was just hoping he would support the one thing I love to do, cycle.

Sure I resented helping him out, he never put his life on hold for me. Moreover, when I needed assistance due to medical reasons he called my sisters, my mother and had our girls pitch in.

Cycling is my release, my therapist was overjoyed when I started cycling. It keeps me sane. I feel like a million dollars when I get home, even if it is a short ride.

For now the snowglobes can be a nestegg.

By the way, last night I went to the lbs and ordered myself a new bike!

[caligurl]

Originally posted by ACG
By the way, last night I went to the lbs and ordered myself a new bike!

errrrr did you do this with or without discussing it with hubby?

if you did it behind his back.. i predict fireworks (and rightfully so!)

[bikeforlife]

well im sorry you are not happy have you ever thought of just divorcing him if your not happy? i mean im sure some of this might be your fault also. communication is the work and as i see someone also said we only get one side. do you think you are looking for to much.

but sell the snowglobes and make him feel like a worm along with everyone else keep riding and keep a smile on your face

[pedalfaster]

Originally posted by ACG
By the way, last night I went to the lbs and ordered myself a new bike!

Men often do this at the shop; treat themselves to a little shopping spree without consulting the Mrs.
Components, new wheelsets, whole bikes...they often tell me "she'll never be able to tell the difference."

Of course I like to think that in those relationships that the wife is also out buying shoes, clothes, furniture and jewelry ("he'll never know the difference" hehe).

Personally, I'm a fan of the three-pot system for couples. Joint-household account for expenses, and then individual accounts for each partner for fun-money without the guilt. But then what do I know, I'm single....

[IronHorse213]

Great! Which bike did you buy? details, details please!

[ACG]

2005 Trek 1000 WSB,

Alpha SL Aluminum Frame

Bontrager Carbon Fork

Alloy hubs; Alex rims

crankset Bontrager Sport 52/42/30
rear derailleur Shimano Tiagra

Not an expensive bike but better than what I have now. I currently use a Mountain bike, with some alterations so I can road ride. I had to order it cuz they don't carry my size. Hubby knew.

I've had my eye on several and this one for the $$ was not a bad deal.

[pedalfaster]

Congrats on the new ride ACG.

I think it already has a name