more sad news from bcipam...

[mtbdarby]

This touches home with me. Please comfort your sister and make sure she knows that she did the right thing in getting out and getting the one child out of that situation. I was married to an alcoholic and firmly believe that I saved my own life the day I walked out. I tried to save both of us, but when that didn't work, I had to save myself. The son will come to realize this in time.

L-

I second Pedal Wench. Pam, I know you don't believe this right now, but no one can force an alcoholic to get help. They have to want to do it on their own. I had the courts force my ex into treatment. He was a nice guy to me for about a month and went back to his old habits. One thing I would highly recommend for everyone is Al-Anon and Ala-Teen. It's free and there are chapters and meetings literally everywhere. Get the family to a meeting. Just sit there and listen at the first meeting and go with your instinct after that. It was by far the best gift I gave myself to heal.

((hugs and prayers)). This too shall pass even though the burden is heavy. Trust in the Lord Pam and he'll see you through it.

God Bless,

[crazycanuck]

(((((pam))) Sending you some sunshine & good thoughts.

take care

c

[margo49]

In my thoughts and prayers
Sometimes life is one-thing-after-another it seems like
Flights usually keep back a seat or two for politicians or people in dire circumstances apparently. I found this out when I had to get from Israel to New Zealand when my brother died.

Keep on the Look-out for nice and pleasant little things (flowers, sunrises/sunsets,acts of kindness,songs, etc) to keep your perspective.

[hellosunshine]

allow youreself to feel every emotion,be true to yourself,its a ghastly time and surpressing things wont help because you feel you ought to,the beauty of this forum is you can be honest and unload and no one judges.we all care.xx

[lph]

aaww
Life sucks.

Angry can be good. Helps you feel on top of things, and better than just sinking into a stupor. As long as it goes away with time. Try to help him be angry at the depression or alcoholism that skewed this poor mans reasoning so terribly. Hang in there.

[Tuckervill]

>>All of you with faith, please pray for me and my family and especially my nephew who now has so much hate and hurt inside. I know time is a healer but boy, there's alot of healing to do.<<

It's only natural for family members to be angry when their loved one commits suicide. I hope your nephew is able to focus the anger where it belongs, on his father, instead of pushing away his mother. They are going to need each other. She couldn't have done anything to stop him from committing suicide, and he would have done it anyway.

I'm sorry for your family's loss, Pam.

Karen

[Bikingmomof3]

Pam,
I am so very sorry. You and your family are in my prayers.

[Thistle]

thinking of you and hoping you all get the support you need.

it's hard... it's a year ago today my father-in-law suicided. It's true what bikerchic68 said "When someone decides, truly decides that they're done, and they're going to commit suicide, there is NOTHING anyone can do to stop them"... i keep reminding DH, brother-in-law and gorgeous sister-in-law of this.

Keep reminding your sister and her children. They will need to hear it.

again, i am so sorry to hear this


{{{bcipam}}}

[Grog]

Good luck Pam. You're a very strong woman... I hope your sister and her kids have half your strength.

Big hug.

[Raindrop]

(((((((BCIPam))))))))

I just lost my brother to suicide 2 1/2 months ago and can empathize with what you are going through. I have had so much support from the women on this site and have looked into many of the websites that some were kind enough to post about.

Although it is still very fresh and raw for me, if I can do anything at all, or if you'd like to get in touch with me...please do. It isn't an easy process.

Take care of yourself.

[logdiva32]

Lord, there is a family whom you know. A family separated by pain. A child of yours has removed himself from this world without your permission, Lord. We pray for this family and all of there friends, that they not be overwhelmed with guilt and pain. Allow this family to griev and heal, Father. Do not let guilt and blame burn such a whole inside these children that they cannot see who loves them, Lord. Lord you know the needs of this family, I ask that you care for this family in there time of need. In Jesus name, Amen

[mary9761]

I'm so sorry for your pain.

[Mr. Bloom]

bcipam, I'm sorry for the loss, the pain of your family, and the challenges you have sharing the burden with those you love.

2 Corinthians 4:7-9:
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

May God's grace go with you in your travels and your ministry to your family.

[bikerchick68]

Pam...

I think you know I work as a Crisis Interventionist with the local PD. I don't have a lot of resources for other states, but I do have this:

http://211.org/

click on "find your local 211 call center" and then enter the zip code where they live. It will give you a BUNCH of resources, including contact info for Survivors of Suicide. I cannot say enough how much I encourage the enire family to seek help in dealing with this loss.

It is normal that the nephew is angry... it's part of the grieving process. The hard part is learning to direct that anger in a healthy way, not towards other family members. There are many, many free support groups out there... with other people who have experienced the loss of someone they love to suicide.

Guilt is a normal part of this process as well... but I can tell you one thing. When someone decides, truly decides that they're done, and they're going to commit suicide, there is NOTHING anyone can do to stop them. At that point, it's just a matter of them finding the privacy needed to make it happen and there is nothing anyone can do. You cannot stay with them 24/7. The one thing you can say to your family, with total conviction is this: It's not your fault. It was his decision and not in your control.

No matter how many times they try to take the blame, repeat that phrase OK? Because it's the truth.

Hugs my friend. I can't begin to imagine.

[GLC1968]

Wow, Pam. I'm so very sorry for all you and your family are going through right now. You will all be in my thoughts.

Please take care of yourself.