It's that time of year again: winter lbs

[run it, ride it]

Every year around this time I crave more and more food and put on 5-8lbs for the winter--tell me I'm not the only one! In the past I've fought it tooth and nail--but there's no winning. I run, bicycle, cross-country ski, skate, and weight train all winter. If I excercise more to balance out the higher calorie intake, I end up eating more. If I deprive myself, I binge later.

I was a high performance varsity track athlete when this started happening at age 18. My body actually went into starvation mode because I wasn't feeding it enough. I was getting fat deposits around my jaw and middle and thought I was eating too much, so I effectively entered an unintentional anorexic state. Yes, I was fitter than I'd ever been in my life, I am capable of extreme amounts of self control--but I was very, very unhealthy. I had a breakdown at the end of the season and didn't run for two years. My metabolism hasn't been quite right since--I'm now 21.

What sustains me in the summer leaves me utterly famished in the winter. My only theory is that I get cold VERY easily (I'm also allergic to cold) so my body is trying to better equip me for Canadian winters. My genes also aren't exactly the 'skinniest,' among other concerns.

I'm in a healthy weight range to begin with: 5'5" and 115-118lbs in the summer, 120-124lbs in the winter. Believe me, I work hard for it in the summer months (44 hours hard outdoor labour a week, 30km cycling commute, 1 hour working with the horse a day). I certainly don't put on weight in flattering places (under jaw and lower back), so any higher than 118lbs I start looking blobular. You know, otherwise I really wouldn't care about this winter weight. It's just that it goes to such strange places!

But I've noticed something else: every time I put on weight and then take it back off, I come out of it in a more feminine shape. Before my first varsity season I had perfectly normal proportions (no bizarre back or jaw fat!) and a solid B cup. Come that first winter when my body got all out of whack, I wasn't even close to an A cup; my breasts were all saggy and shrivelled looking. That's when I knew something was really wrong. After I gained and took off weight the next winter, I was an A.5, since last winter I'm a B again--AND my jaw is more defined.

I eat only healthy foods year-round: whole grain bread/pasta, daily multivitamin, fortified cereal for vegetarians, raw fruits/veggies, (no added sugars, greasy or processed foods), skim milk, low-fat soy products, natural peanut-butter. I've had my iron and thyroid and fasting blood sugar tested time and again: always normal. Oh, and I was vegetarian long before this started happening--meat gave me more digestive trouble than it was worth, so I cut it out completely at age fifteen.

It's just that, from the last week of October to mid-April, I eat MORE of everything. What am I trying to prove tormenting myself trying to 'fix' it?

You know what? I'm not going to get so worried about it this year. Who am I trying to impress, anyway? My boyfriend has made it very clear he thinks I'm crazy for worrying about it and he's all for the winter weight gain ("Haven't you noticed your breasts get bigger every year?"). I'm still very active in the winter, I'm still in a healthy weight range, and I know by June I'll be right back to a weight I'm comfortable with.

Please, help me out here: am I crazy, or is this normal? Let me hear your experiences!