Dear So and So

[Nanci]

Dear Scumbag,

Thanks for stealing my lunch out of the fridge at work. So I had Charleston Chews for lunch instead...

Nanci

[Nanci]

Dear Beeotch "K,"

When you are rude to my staff, and I have to intervene, and then you are rude to me, and you don't want me to read out policy to you so you can understand, it's not really appropriate to say "Have a blessed day" before you hang up on me.

Nanci

PS, Sorry you weren't able to circumvent our policy no matter who you tried to bully into it.

[Lise]

Dear Scumbag,

Thanks for stealing my lunch out of the fridge at work. So I had Charleston Chews for lunch instead...

Nanci

Yeah, like the whole time they were eating your lunch, they were thinking, what? "This really is *my* food"???

[Kitsune06]

Dear sweet, kindhearted dayshift lady:
There are reasons why I don't make a great security officer. One of them is that I'm just too trusting. A nice lady hands me a big plate of food from the potluck today, and I don't question it. Sure I look it over and give it a quick sniff test, but eh.
Lady, thank you so much- it was so good. Frozen dinners are $$ and I never seem to bring enough, so that plate of assorted potluck items was incredibly welcome. I miss the kind of hot dishes and pasta salads Mom used to make because of all the bachelorette kibble and pizza we've had recently and some of these ladies are just excellent cooks.
thank you thank you thank you!
-Officer Fox

[Xrayted]

Dear Mother Nature: thanks!

[Xrayted]

Dear guy at the LBS last night who asked me out after trying to impress me with his BMW: No thanks!

[doc]

Dear Mother Nature: thanks!

Ditto

Ride today was sunny and started at 50 and went to 60 degres

[CyclChyk]

Dear Powers That Be and Skinny Goddesses:
I don't know what I have done to offend you but not having lost any weight these last 3 weeks really sucks the big fat one and I'd really appreciate if you accept my sincerest apologies and grand me pardon so that the weight loss will again begin. I promise, if it tastes remotely good I will spit it out!

Oh and God, if you really are up there, thanks so much for everything you've given me. Even tho I am still a fatty by my standards I got it pretty gosh darned good.

[Kitsune06]

Dear neighbors:
Thanks for the party.
Dear judgement:
Where WERE you when I was handed the 2nd jello shot of 151?
Dear girlfriend:
As purveyor of the poison, it's only fair you feel worse than I do, but I hope you feel better... sweety? dearest?
Dear former coworker: It was good to hear you went out, too, but bad to hear that you got sick, too... here. Yuck yuck yuck, I thought I got away from that.
Dear Ronald: Thanks for cheap cheeseburgers with assorted animal parts in them to quell my grease craving.
Dear stomach: thanks for putting up with the abuse. I mean it.
Dear butt/thighs/etc: Forget it. the cheeseburgers aren't for you.
Dear boobs: Why are you always the 1st to go AWOL when I lose any % of body fat?

[Veronica]

Dear School Board:

Thank you so much for changing your policy regarding water related field trips one week before our field trip. I am sure that there are many legal issues involved. Now teachers need to check the ages of the life guards employed by the pool or water park? Of course you know that those places employ high schools students, not all the lifeguards will be 21 years old.

Why didn't you just have the guts to make the policy say what you really wanted? You don't want water related field trips. Just freakin' say so!

It was especially kind of you to change this policy after several schools had already made end of the year plans.

Idiots!

[Veronica]

Dear Nasty Child in the Red Van,

Clearly you have no manners. I hope you parents enjoy your teenage years.

[Veronica]

Dear Drunk Man in the Truck,

Don't make chicken noises at a woman as she is riding her bike down the road - particularly this woman, because I will confront you.

Clearly you're an idiot and a loser.

[Veronica]

Dear Fire Marshall;

I want to know if you will be measuring the surface area of my classroom walls to determine if I have more than 50% of them covered?

[mimitabby]

um, Veronica is on a roll!


Dear Self
bright yellow shells DO NOT protect you from the rain.
If there is even a SLIGHT chance of rain on your commute, CARRY a RAINcoat.
you have a good one.

Thank you.

[Melalvai]

Most of the employees here who know what I do think I'm nuts! Oh well. I can at least destress on bike.

Dear boss, co-workers, friends, and acquaintances,
It is not crazy for me to choose alternatives to getting in a car, alternatives to spending money on car repairs, gas, taxes, parking and other fees when I can save that money, pay down debt, or do something fun with my family instead. Alternatives to putting money in the pockets of oil executives who run/ruin our government. Alternatives to inactivity which, combined with overeating, is ruining our health. Alternatives which are environmentally sustainable. Alternatives which do not violently injure, maim and kill thousands of humans every year in highway accidents, to say nothing of animals. And did I mention what % of my income I am NOT spending on a car?

Nor is it suicidal to ride a bicycle. It is less of a stretch for me to say to you that "Sitting on a couch, in front of a computer, or behind the wheel of a car is suicidal!" and yet, I don't say that. Why is that? Could it be I have more tact and sensitivity than you do?