I found this on the lahr brats site & had to share a few

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY

DAY 183
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow
I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by
weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must
try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse
these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their
favourite chair, must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and
brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I
am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed
and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working
according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell
the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY
power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my
advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got
to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports
my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety
is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

Will post another one soon...