OT, public toilet's

[Brandi]

Anyone who read my rant last week on traveling know's this is one of my pet peev's. My girlfriend sent this to me today. It is so true! Enjoy!
Now I know the reason:


Why we take so long

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of
women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn,
you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman
leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't
matter.

The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom,
no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door
hook, if there were one, but there isn't - so you carefully but quickly
drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put
it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.
You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the
seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you
discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can
hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the
seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake
more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the
one that's still in your purse. That would have to do. You crumple it in
the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work. The
door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your
chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the
toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your
precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your
footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is
wet of course.
You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom
has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the
uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there
was any, even if you had taken time to try.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew,
because, you're certain, her bare bottom never touched a public toilet
seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases
you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so
confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a firehose
that somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto
the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At that
point, you give up.

You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're
exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket
and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how
to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands
with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women, still
waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them.

A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet
paper trailing from your shoe. ( Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You
yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it the woman's hand and tell her
warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and
left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and
why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

. . .This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public
restroom (rest??? you've got to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the
men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other
commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's
so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you
Kleenex under the door.

[fatbottomedgurl]

Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.

I guess I won't complain about the "ladies" break I took on the trail this week and peed all over my shoes...

[Geonz]

One of our riders learned the hard way not to try to handle a porta-potti with cleats... *very* nearly knocked it over, and everybody could see it tipping back and forth... still better than the fellow (I hope this one's an urban legend) who dashed in seconds before hte race and um... dropped his helmet... but you gotta wear your helmet in the race....

[mimitabby]

Darn, i thought this thread was going to be about rotten public toilets.
In the seattle area, on Mercer Island (a very very rich city) there is a public toilet in the park without doors.
It's the only toilet I know of in the county without doors.. Ironic that it is smack dab in the middle of Mercer Island where they could put MARBLE doors if they wanted. I hate that toilet.

[DebW]

Darn, i thought this thread was going to be about rotten public toilets.
In the seattle area, on Mercer Island (a very very rich city) there is a public toilet in the park without doors.
It's the only toilet I know of in the county without doors.. Ironic that it is smack dab in the middle of Mercer Island where they could put MARBLE doors if they wanted. I hate that toilet.

Gotta tell you, if I'm using an outhouse in the woods, I much prefer one without a door, or I'll prop the door open to enjoy the view. Who'd want to shut themselve in a small dark smelly place? In New England, the outhouses have doors so they can be shut and locked from the outside when unoccupied - to keep the porcupines from eating the toilet seat (they like salt).

Now if you want the true outdoor experience, try a chum box (box with hole, no walls). I know the locations of a few in CT and VT. Still more luxurious than the dig-your-own-hole option.

[mimitabby]

Gotta tell you, if I'm using an outhouse in the woods, I much prefer one without a door, or I'll prop the door open to enjoy the view. Who'd want to shut themselve in a small dark smelly place? In New England, the outhouses have doors so they can be shut and locked from the outside when unoccupied - to keep the porcupines from eating the toilet seat (they like salt).

Now if you want the true outdoor experience, try a chum box (box with hole, no walls). I know the locations of a few in CT and VT. Still more luxurious than the dig-your-own-hole option.

lol, well, there's a big difference between an outhouse in the woods and
a public toilet without doors in a busy urban park!

[dachshund]

One of our riders learned the hard way not to try to handle a porta-potti with cleats... *very* nearly knocked it over, and everybody could see it tipping back and forth...

Um... the option is to take my shoes off first ???

[makbike]

Brandi thanks for the chuckle, I really need it.

Beware of snakes in outhouses. I had a close encounter of the serpentine kind last year. Of course the snake did not make its presence known until I had dropped my draws and assumed the "stance." He/she felt the swing his/her head, neck and half its body across the door frame thus trapping me inside the facility. All I wanted to know is if the darn thing was venomous. Once I established it was not I planned my exit. The snake finally became bored with the human who kept looking at it, climbed back up the frame and into the ceiling at which point I departed. When I emerged and hiked back down the trail to meet my BF I was greeted with, "what took you so long?" Did you get lost?" He had just used the same outhouse prior to my entry, how come I was the lucky one? I simply replied no I was having a face to face encounter with a rather large snake, thank you and we resumed our hike.

[mimitabby]

Brandi thanks for the chuckle, I really need it.

Beware of snakes in outhouses. I had a close encounter of the serpentine ast year.
.

good grief, you guys have ASPS??? (as in the poisonous snake that got Cleopatra???)

we have giant slugs in our outhouses here.

[makbike]

Sorry, a deletion and typo on my part which made the story even a bit more entertaining.

We do have venomous snakes in this region, mainly copperheads so one must exercise caution when out in their environment. I'm not afraid of snakes and in fact really enjoyed my herp. class in grad school. I have also found myself eye-to-eye twice with these snakes and thus have great respect for them as well as all other snakes in this region. I

[salsabike]

Yeah, I've been to that Mercer Island public toilet too. It's a building with several toilets, all of which are gloriously and completely exposed with no doors. I second Mimitabby's complaint on this one. And I'm not a very delicate soul, generally. Doors in a public restroom building are good.