Kerry,
Sounds like you need some fine tuning on the fit of your bike. Might try adjusting the seat just a hair, so to bring the front down a smidge. Remember to always make tiny, tiny adjustments, and only make one at a time. Moving it forward a bit (1/32") may help as well to relieve the pressure on your hands. If you "search" these forums for bike fit, you will find lots of information. When you start making adjustments, it helps to have a knowledgeable friend help, so they can look at you on the bike and make sure your knees are in correct position and in alignment with the pedal spindle, and saddle height looks good. If your frame size is good, you can make the bike fit well. If you have a good rapport with your LBS, they may put you and your bike on the trainer and help you to make adjustments, but not all shops can or will do this.

But if your frame is too small, while you may be able to improve the fit slightly, it may never deliver a good ride. I rode for years on a bike that was way too small and while spending a few hundred $ might have solved the problem (new fork, stem & seatpost) I did not want to put so much money into something that old and heavy. When I got my new bike last year, the difference was incredible. I could never have imagined a ride could be so good.

You DO have bike shorts, right? If not, get some, keeping in mind that they are all different. You can take 10 different pairs into the fitting room all marked the same size but from different manufacturers and styles, and you will find 2 that are way too big, 2 way too small, a couple lthat might be OK, and a couple you are indifferent to, and 2 that you think will be good. When you get them on the bike you may even reject one of them. More panels is better (and more expensive). Fabric that is super lightweight may not hold up to fingernails, much less road rash. Labels that are printed right on the fabric get my vote.

Everyone's hands are different, hence the myriad of choices for gloves. Different gloves may help. Look at your gloves and note where the padding lies. Where does your hand hurt? You will need gloves with less or more padding in that area. All these tricks will help: changing hand positions on your bars periodically, stretching your arm behind your back, and as you already know, wriggling the fingers. The rest is TITS - time in the saddle. (or tob? time on bars?)

Hope this helps. It took me about 500 miles before I quit changing stuff. Now I can really enjoy the rides. But don't despair - the first half of that I was still searching for a good seat. Once I found that I could move on to the other adjustments.