Two weeks ago, someone was demonstrating how to change my tire to me, and he struggled with it. And I was reminded once again, that it isn't always MY FAULT when something doesn't workout easily . Sometimes it is just as hard for anyone, period.

I am so glad that happened, because if I had experienced the same thing on my own, I know that I would have blamed my stupidity, or my lack of arm strength, or any number of things for my difficulties.

I remember reading about a study somewhere and I don't remember the details, it may have been with math problems. When males were given an impossible problem to solve, they blamed their difficulties on the problem. Females tend to think something is wrong with themselves, and question their abilities. And the reverse is true for easy problems. Males feel proud of their abilities, females think that their sucess is the ease of the problem.

I have a BA in math, and when I have trouble understanding something in math, I STILL often think I am incompetent, despite all my experience in being sucessful at math. And I still don't beleive I will ever be able to make sense of it. And my one professor who has great faith in me (That I don't feel I deserve, I feel he was impressed by a LUCKY hunch of mine, anyone in the room could have seen it.) is amazed that I can still have this lack of confidence and comfort with my math abilities.

I think it is our training in being modest as girls that is to blame. I remember turning my math papers upside down, because I didn't want my neighbor to feel bad when I got an A and she was getting D's and F's. I felt guilty for being better than her.

So while the difficult tire wasn't a girl thing, feeling dumb about it most likely was a girl thing.

Mary