Lance Gossip Alert---oprah 5/9!!!!!!!!!!!

[margo49]

I don't know. You live in France and don't know the language and culture and make little effort to do so? Then yeah, you're going to be bummed. But get out, learn the language, study the culture, meet people, get involved, no matter where you are--that's key. Can't blame it on the place.


Yeah that is what I felt like saying Tulip, when I read allabouteva's post.

I did that - came to a country where I knew no one except my SO and I got up , got out, met people, learned the language and culture (which I was also living in a sub-culture)... Sure I cried my eyes out at times but its one amazing ride if you take it in the right spirit you can make it - both as a couple and as an individual . I am an integral part of the community in which
I live ; I just happen to have been born somewhere else .
I worked hard and mostly joyfully at the challenge of it all .
But I have also seen a lot of women over the years *not* get to where I am. It is not a journey for anyone and every one. Just look at the Book of Ruth -anthroplogically not necessarily religiously. One daughter-in-law turned back and is not thought less of for that.
The *place* does have its "contribution to the dynamic" (to use diplomatic language); But you can't blame it all on the place. If you make an effort people make an effort back to include and accept you. It's that simple.

[allabouteva]

But you can't blame it all on the place. If you make an effort people make an effort back to include and accept you. It's that simple.

I didn't think I was saying that.... or trying to blame it all on the place. And I totally agree with you in terms of you get what you put in.

I was trying to use the move to a different country as an example of how lopsided I thought the marriage was (I'm getting all this from my impressions of Lance's book, I didn't see Oprah). And trying (not very well) to express what a significant contribution she made to Lance's success. OK, she gave up her marketing career, moved to another country, moved away from her family, friends, worked hard to learn the language, created a home environment and supported him. He had his cycling, and single mindedly pursued his goals, and I couldn't see what he compromised for her.

Elite athletes make huge sacrifices to achieve what they want to achieve. We forget that families, partners, SOs sometimes even more unselfishly make big sacrifices too, because they're not doing it for themselves, they're doing it for their loved ones.

I think that makes it 0.04c worth! So I'll shut up now!

[VenusdeVelo]

2 years ago me and the HB left the US as expats for Europe. Of course, did not know the language and culture and I will admit it's been very hard at times, but it was not til we got out there and learned and met people that we started to integrate. All these countries have extensive expat communities as well where you can meet friends from all over, in the same boat as you. Esp expats with kids, which is why many are female based as many of the "trailing spouses" as they call it are female (in my case the tables were turned).

So honestly I can't fully empathize with a woe is me when you move somewhere because you have to be ready to work hard when you get there. If you think everyone is just going to speak english to you and this new country will be just like the old one, I would question whether you thought it through. What I can empathize with is that she did not realize the devastating effect of it's "all about Lance" would have on her, and with Lance probably always gone, you start to make your own life and your 2 lives appear to drift apart.

There are ways to fix and manage it but usually it's realized once it's too late.

[tulip]

I lived in France, and through alot of very hard work, I became fluent in the language, got savvy to the little cultural things like finding an apartment, hooking up electricity, getting id cards, getting "in the system," and finding a job, all in French! Of course it's different from the US. That should not be a surprise to anyone. Talking on the telephone was the hardest. I hated that. And the fact that receptionists are not at all receptive over there--they are there to prevent you from talking to the person whom you are doing your darnedest to reach. But I learned the little tricks that opened the doors of all receptionists and secretaries. That was a victory!

There were other little things that drove me crazy, too, same as here. But it was a wonderful experience, and if I could have stayed I would have. I hope to go back and live there again sometime in the not-too-distant future, this time for longer than the 6 months that I was able to eek out the last time.

I'd also sign up for Brazil, Spain, or Portugal, by the way.

As I said before, life takes effort, but it's well worth it.

[tulip]

Oh, and the whole confusing WEDDING with MARRIAGE thing...yeah, that's pretty sad and unfortunately, all-too-common.

[Brina]

In some ways I think she had it harder than a regular ex-pat. Generally as an ex-pat, or a trailing spouse, you move to an area and you stay there for a couple, few years. You immerse in the culture, you find a community of ex-pats, you learn the language, etc. With Lance riding the tour and also training in the US during the off-season there was constant back and forth. There was less chance of assimilating.

I am not saying she is blameless. i am not saying he is blameless. Almost every divorce has some shared blame (there are a few cases of one spouse doing everything they can and the other just checking out). From the outside looking in, she had a tough road. As for him, I was always a little offended when he took up with Sheryl Crow and talked about what a good match they were because her sense of adventure matched his and how she was willing to just jump up and try new things spontaneously, and how exciting she was. Well, yeah, the rock star with no commitments is more exciting and spontaneous than the wife with three little kids - big surprise.

[Brina]

Oh, and the whole confusing WEDDING with MARRIAGE thing...yeah, that's pretty sad and unfortunately, all-too-common.

My husband and I got married in the Catholic church and had to do pre-cana or engaged encounter weekend. The wedding vs marriage dynamic was actually a big focus - we were even sent home with coffee mugs that say 'A wedding is a day, A marriage is a lifetime'.