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[Trek420]

I would have thought she'd wear a wig

[Lise]

I should be blonde, therefore I am blonde. The fact that I now pay someone to make that true shouldn't make a difference! My dad's side of the family went from black hair to gorgeous white hair in their late 20s. My mom's side went from gorgeous red hair to lovely soft blonde in their 40s. I went from nice blonde to steel grey. NOT FAIR. I colored it myself awhile, but it sort of ran away with me. When I had it done professionally, to get it back under control, my friends commented so much on how great it looked that I took the hint, and now pay someone every 4-5 weeks. It does look good. A lot better than grey, or what I did myself.

Knotted--glad to hear the MRI was not too horrible. That gal is pretty "insignificant" if she can't be there for you when the times are tough. Right now it's a diagnostic test. How bad will it be when something harder happens? I remember when another ex of mine just "couldn't cope" with me crying when my grandma died. I wondered, how will it be when I really need you? Hence...the "ex". Good luck with all that.

We need a "hug" smiley on this board. ((((knottedyet)))) L.

[DrBee]

KnottedYet - Glad to hear you made it through the MRI with not too much stres.. Even better on the nose ring - maybe the valium made you not worry about getting it back in so much.

I think I'd ditch the SO. Why do you need more stress in a time of stress. That just doesn't make sense. However - we cannot tell you what to do. But since SO is not answering the phone or returning calls, perhaps the issue is moot. Good luck!

You don't grow your hair out because it's thin - I don't grow mine out because it gets way too big! The last time I had it long, I tried to grow out my bangs. Having children changed my hair from straight to wierdly wavy - in an unflattering way. Mr. fish would make chewbaca sounds at me (in a loving way - really ) It was actually quite hilarious. Now - it's short and I plan to keep it that way!

[fixedgeargirl]

I've passed a very important milestone in growing out my once pixie-short hair:

I can get it into a pony-tail/pigtails!!

Since temps here got to 100 last month, it's a necessity. I've decided to cover the grey for now. At pixie length, I had it reddish. I wanted some drama before all my true drama started, so started going with a chestnut. I rather like it, and it matches my eyebrows for a change .

Covering the grey must be working, I had an aesthetician guess I was 22 the other day ! (Let's just say you can add a double-digit number to that to get my true age).

[KnottedYet]

****WARNING!!! WHINE ALERT!!!!!****

s.o. sent me a text message saying she would talk to me later. Tried calling her again this morning (I KNOW she's home) but she didn't answer the phone. I left an angry message on her voice mail.

We've been together for 7 years. Right now we're not living together. This is the way she's always been, she says she can't handle it when other people are hurt or scared or needy because she cares too much.

I'm at my wits end.

Does anyone else know someone like this? How do you handle it?

***END OF WHINE. WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED THREAD DRIFT.***

[Lise]

OMG. You know how on Star Trek, the original one, they had the "Universal Translator"? (OK, you may be too young, but play along). It took any language from anywhere in the universe and translated it into English. Handy tool. You're in luck! I just happen to have one! Here we go, cranking it up....

"I can't handle it when other people are hurt or scared...because I care too much"------------>(translated into real language)------>"I am too self-centered to care about anyone else!"

Wow! Who would've guessed that's what that really means?! OK, indignant rant over.

When you love someone, you want to be of comfort to them in their time of need. That's the kind of SO you richly deserve. Some of us have that, some of us are looking. I try to remember that I have cleared out the space in my life for that wonderful, loving person to come in. And in the meantime, I treat myself with the love and care I deserve, and I revel in the friendship of those who care about me, and who are delighted that I care about them.

How to handle it? Put down the phone. Don't call her. Don't email her. Spend your time with the friends who treat you right. Call them, email them, eat and drink with them, go for bike rides with them. Tell them how hard it is not to call "her", and make deals that you'll call them first before you hit that speed dial. Walk away, however falteringly, and it will get better. Not quickly, but it will get better. I know. I really do.

Sending you gentle best wishes in this tough time. (((KN))) Lise

[maillotpois]

Lise you crack me up!!! (Trekkie at heart.)

Sorry Knotted, I think she's right, though. Huge bummer but better to start to realize this now than after another 7 years?

[Trek420]

What Lise sed, She's right ya know. You deserve way better. An if the In'SO calls this is why caller id was invented.

It sounds like you have got a great group of friends, talk to them, spend time with them, they will get you through this.

Lise can the board I borrow the Universal Translator some time? I'm sure we'd like to know what does "It's not you it's me" mean?

[bikerz]

KN - I have to agree with Lise - I read that last part "...because I care to much" and I just thought to myself - wow - that is some kind of BS! Actually, I used a few additional expletives...

It really is awful to find out after a long time that the person you thought you'd be there for through whatever life dealt does not have the same plans for you (for me it was 14 years). But - you deserve - we all deserve - that kind of person in our lives - Lise said it so well - call on your friends (and family?) - they will help you remember that your world is full of people who love and care for you and WILL be there for you. Take very good care of yourself!

[DrBee]

Lise said it perfectly and everyone else summed it up just as perfectly. I ditto that.

Star Trek - Universal translator
Hitchhiker's guide - babblefish
Farscape - translator microbes.

I'm pretty sure they would all give the same translation Lise came up with! Well said!

[JoyfullySo]

Well, let me just also take it a bit further.

Before I type anything else, let me assure everyone, I have kissed quite a few frogs in my time. Furthermore, I would ditto everyone else's post. If is ribbits, hops, and eats flies, it's a frog. Better let this one hop over to another pond.

But here is the question that I can't ever find an answer for, maybe you all can help me.

Why do we get involved with folks like this???????

(Food for thought from someone who can happily report that the only frogs in my life today are the ones my boys bring in the house....)

[Quillfred]

((((Knotted))))

I'm glad you were able to endure the MRI. They do sound intense.

In terms of the ex-SO, I remembering you mentioning somewhere that she just couldn't handle things. IMHO, I think that might be the healthiest way to look at her actions (or lack of).

I have found it easier to let go of an SO when I think of it in that light. When I am angry, I am hooked still and more vulnerable to getting hurt.

The sad thing is that sometimes people just aren't up to the task of being there when things get tough. I hope you can find the strength to let her go, unless she suddenly realizes that she has been MIA and is willing to step up and do couple's counseling, etc.

[Nanci]

Never mind. I always get yelled at by everyone. Everything will be fine, we'll all live to be one hundred, and our DH's/SO's/BF's will never abandon us.

Nanci

[Nanci]

I am adopting two Desert Tortoises (from a research project in Florida, unreleasable) tomorrow!

I am not going to name them until I see them. They are two-year-olds- and won't be sexable until 5-10 years of age.

Maybe I should give them dessert names, since I keep misspelling "desert."

[DrBee]

Ooh Nanci - please post pics of them after they come to their new home! That'll help us come up with name suggestions, too. What are you going to house them in? Hmmmm - I like the idea of dessert names. I have issues with spelling it, too.