Sorry about the loss of your dad, Hartmame. When I lost my dad in 2005, it took a long time for me to get back on the bike. It did a number on my riding. I hope you are able to find joy in riding again soon, but be gentle with yourself and take the time you need to get back. I had my best cycling year ever (7500 miles!) in 2014, so you never know.
Emily
2011 Jamis Dakar XC "Toto" - Selle Italia Ldy Gel Flow
2007 Trek Pilot 5.0 WSD "Gloria" - Selle Italia Diva Gel Flow
2004 Bike Friday Petite Pocket Crusoe - Selle Italia Diva Gel Flow