LOL, NY, your post made me laugh, and that's a good thing.

Good luck with the crocheting. It is really not that hard to learn (easier than knitting) and immensely satisfying! I used to knit and crochet quite a bit though haven't done either for years. I didn't have the stick-to-it-iveness for really large projects, but a couple of of my favorites were crocheted white snowflakes (made with white twine and stiffened up in a cornstarch/water bath) for Christmas tree ornaments, and a lovely cotton cardigan I crocheted for one of my nieces. Oh, and a few cute dog sweaters!