Thread Drift

[rebeccaC]

snapdragen…I don’t know of a more important job than caregiver for a parent during the last chapters of their journey here. ….made even better when that's not just a realization in hindsight.

[Dogmama]

Snap - I was a caretaker to DH for a year during cancer. It was much harder than a regular job. He is over 10 years out now and "cancer free" but it's always a small storm cloud. He just turned 70 so my main reason for retiring is to spend more time together. He still works (forensic investigator and expert witness) and is self employed. He goes out of town often and I'd like to accompany him as much as possible. I have to remember that when the guilt sets in about not working.

Crankin - I know about riding every day turning into a job. I intersperse it with lifting weights. I'd like to get back to yoga more often too. At 62, things are starting to get stiff.

[Crankin]

I already do lots of other stuff; hiking, x country skiing, snow shoeing, tabata, power classes at the gym. Occasional yoga. I was really into for awhile while I was in school, but I find I don't really like the people in those classes. I can't describe it, but it gets me agitated, which is not what yoga should do. I do sometimes practice at home. I've done yoga at a few places, and my reaction is always the same. I am good about stretching at home, and have a whole bunch of PT correctives I do, also. I just turned 63, so after almost 40 years of doing active stuff, my body is feeling it!
I give you guys who are (were) caregivers credit. It would be very hard for me to do this. I've lived far away from my family for many years, so my brother got that job, just virtue of location. I gave moral support, advice, and money, and visited. My mom died very young, from a horrible liver disease/failed transplant, and one thing I learned from that, is that both of my parents were extremely independent and did not want anyone interfering with their choices. My dad has been gone for 2 years and despite the fact he was 89 when he died, he made it clear I was still "the kid." My kids actually were there when he needed to go into hospice and they helped my brother get him to the VA in San Diego, where he had excellent and compassionate end of life care. I am glad I got to see him about 3 weeks before he died.

[emily_in_nc]

I give you guys who are (were) caregivers credit. It would be very hard for me to do this. I've lived far away from my family for many years, so my brother got that job, just virtue of location. I gave moral support, advice, and money, and visited.

Ditto. After helping to move DH's parents into assisted living and being around them quite a lot during that time, plus several visits since, I know I could never be a full-time caretaker. They are very needy and difficult at times. Caregiving, especially for elderly folks with dementia and physical limitations, is extremely exhausting and takes an awful lot of patience and unselfish sharing of time. I admit I'm not too good on either of those attributes, nor is my DH. We did a great job with the physical work of cleaning out their house efficiently and quickly, but the emotional "work" is much harder for both of us.

I know my mother, if she is widowed one day (likely, as she's in much better health than my stepfather, despite being 12 years older!) wants to move into some sort of elder apartment. She knows with our crazy lifestyle that we don't have a house with a mother-in-law suite to move her into, and my younger brother, while a sweet and super smart guy, is just not equipped to care for her in any meaningful way. So, hopefully I will just be able to be close enough to visit with some frequency. She is the primary reason that I am not too keen on heading back to Mexico anytime soon.

[emily_in_nc]

I am one of the content retirees. I retired early at age 50. I saw the writing on the wall as my company downsized, and sure enough, my manager and most of my co-workers were laid off eight months after I resigned. I was more than ready to leave, though. Had been a software engineer in the telecom industry for most of my career, working for a large corporation, then a smaller one, and was just very tired of it and having to commute and do someone else's bidding five days a week.

One thing I've found in the past five years (I'm 55 now) is that I get antsy and bored if we stay in one place for too long. I suspect that won't be the case forever, but for now, full-time traveling keeps me from getting bored and itchy. We have lived in Belize and Mexico, traveled around the US in a Honda (staying in Airbnb condos and hotels) and now in our motorhome, since January. We hit 26 states this year! I am sure we'll slow down a bit once we've got another year or two of traveling under our belts, maybe picking a main winter and main summer destination as well as continuing to visit our parents as long as they are living. We also talk about returning to Mexico -- we really loved it there, but our last apartment in a very noisy area finally drove us crazy enough to return to the US. It was also frustrating not really speaking the language. I don't think our Spanish will ever be that good, though we can (barely) get by.

While traveling, we cycle (of course), seeking out rail-trails especially, but also road riding, hike, sightsee, write a blog, read, and plan future travels. All that and RV projects plus the typical chores of daily living keep us plenty busy. I do miss volunteering at the dog rescue like I did in Mexico, but we don't stay long enough in one place to do that now. If we settle down longer-term, I would do that again in a minute. I would also love to volunteer part-time at a library since I love books.

I love being retired!

[Helene2013]

Love reading you Emily. We are 2-4 years from retirement. I'll be 55-57 then. We are already looking at selling our home (then) and being either a full-timer in our motorhome (probably a bigger one at that time). Staying in a US warmer climate in the winter (6-7 months) - but not too hot as I don't like heat that much contrary to hubby - and the other 5-6 months we have to remain "stable" in one province in Canada in order not to lose our health benefits. And it is rather complex if we had wanted to remain in the States all year long (being Canadian sometimes has it's downside vs our travel to USA. hihi). So we are looking to maybe purchasing a "modular" home on a campground. Where we have our motorhome parked for the summer, they have very beautiful modular home that are less than half the price of our current home and fairly big. That way, we would not feel "isolated" and people in campgrounds are always happy, always some action around, etc vs staying in a condo or single home (even if smaller). Feels like on vacation all the time. And no close neighbor (top/bottom) to disturb/be disturbed.

I just can't stand working anymore. I feel we are "wasting" the good years we have left in us Especially getting up at 4:15am (hubby but the whole house is awake then anyway), this is the killer, and traffic..ohhhh traffic! But husband can't really quit his job with the city right now or he'd lose too much out of his pension plan. Makes a huge different to stay that extra 2 years. Worst case scenario, he leaves in 2 years with a lesser pension from the city, and I keep working for that extra 2 years. In the meantime for those 2 years he'd be retired and I'd work, I'd keep piling up my own pension plan, clearing debts, look for a new place to stay, and dream of the day we are freer of time in certain ways. I've already started de-cluttering stuff we don't really need. My part is easy. It's to get hubby to get rid of his stuff that is harder. He is attached to all he owns...me ... I don't care much about stuff. As long as I cover my basics, I'm good. hihi Any furniture we'd like to keep... would fit in that modular home. So we would not "lose" everything by downsizing. Luckily, I'm more a minimalist when it comes to furniture. I don't have anything I don't use. Only the guest room would have to go. The rest I can keep.

We would like to travel in the motorhome to visit everywhere in Canada/USA. No interest in Mexico (I don't feel safe enough - unless it's an all inclusive type of trip - like resort). But because of laws, health benefits requirements per province, our $ vs US$ so weak, etc...it does complicate things a bit and would be too costly to do year round. Anyway, we still have a good 2 years at least to get the plan into a more realistic goal. Can't wait! I'm more than ready mentally...just need to get a bit more cashflow before.

[emily_in_nc]

Love reading you Emily. We are 2-4 years from retirement. I'll be 55-57 then. We are already looking at selling our home (then) and being either a full-timer in our motorhome (probably a bigger one at that time). Staying in a US warmer climate in the winter (6-7 months) - but not too hot as I don't like heat that much contrary to hubby - and the other 5-6 months we have to remain "stable" in one province in Canada in order not to lose our health benefits....

Why thank you! Sounds like you have some good plans. But just a thought: perhaps you shouldn't close the door on Mexico so quickly. The cost of living is low, and there are SO many Canucks there! I had never met so many Canadians until we lived in Belize for 18 months and then Playa del Carmen, Mexico, for a year. I am still unsure about RVing there (though I know many do it; caravans seem like the safest way to do that), but flying there and renting an apartment or house is great! Lots of six-months on, six-months off Canadians, as Mexico is cheaper than the US (by quite a lot), has all different types of weather depending on where you choose, amazing food and culture, and some of the nicest people I've ever met. Yes, there are dangerous areas you would never want to visit or drive through, but so long as you avoid those and the entire drug trade, at least I felt safer there overall than I do in the US.

[Crankin]

Helene, you sound like you have good plans, but it must be hard to be just waiting those "2 more years" to get there. I get it when you say you are sick of the commute, though. I've structured my life to be totally unstressful in that regard; I work 2 miles from my house! Except for my first therapy job, where I drove to client's homes for 2.5 years, I haven't driven more than 6 miles to work since 1999. The job that DH just took involves some traffic, but it's not that far, about 18 miles. He is hoping after he settles in, he will work flexible hours. In his last job he went in early (6 AM) and left by 4 when I was teaching, and he continued to do that even after I switched to a different schedule.
I'm still working because it's a no-stress situation. If I had changed careers even 5 years earlier, I would have started my own practice. Clearly, it would have been way more financially lucrative. But, I didn't want the work of running a business, or the stress of it all. I know i am lucky, because DH's salary allowed me to have this choice. Indeed, he stuck it out there longer than he should have because of the money. But, it paid off. He was able to take a job he really wanted, without regard to the salary, just like I did, because of the fact we are just about at the retirement savings we targeted, we sold our house and moved to a smaller place, and we essentially have no costs, except utilities, clothing, food, and having fun!

[ny biker]

I feel like I did something wrong. I've been putting money into a 401k for decades. Not the maximum amount, because I can't afford that without severely cutting back on day-to-day expenses, but a decent amount. I have a good job that pays well. But I seriously don't think I'll ever have enough set aside to be retired full time. Maybe if I bought a home earlier I would have equity from that. But as things stand I will be paying off a a mortgage for a long time. And then I suppose I will move into some sort of retirement community if I can afford it.

Given my parents' age, it's likely that they'll need more help from me and my siblings while I'm still working full-time. I have one sister who lives near them and I am next closest at 300 miles away. The others are on the other side of the country; they are very generous with financial help. One good thing about my current job (if it lasts) is that I could work remotely from my parents' house if I needed to spend more time there to help take care of them.

I agree that being a caretaker is definitely not easy. I know people who have cared for their parents for years, including setting up an apartment for them within their own homes. I'm always amazed at the emotional strength that they show.