Becoming/being, disabled?

[rebeccaC]

Wait - I missed something! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

thanks ...it feels good saying it!!!! and one month this coming tuesday.

from the salt lake city thread

after a little over a month of planning, family and friends watched and celebrated Alexandra’s and my marriage last Saturday in Gordes. We’re staying in France this week and then traveling back home to the new journey of sharing our lives together.

btw….thinking I’m not going to be on the net much for a while

…..safe rides for all

[Sylvia]

Crankin, I think this reaction is not uncommon.
RebeccaC, yes things have come a long way.

It doesn't bother me when someone uses the word disabled or even handicapped; they are words with a specific meaning that I'm fine with. But what I find difficult, is when the differences are made out to be much larger than they are. For me, differently abled, or special needs, often become a form of euphemistic labels which still have an emphasis on the difference. When we make differences out to be greater than they are, or place more emphasis on the differences than on the similarities, it is like there is a tie or a bond that we damage. Almost a "you are not like us" even though it is never blatantly stated that way. And so when someone suddenly finds themselves on the receiving end of that, WOW... not only do you have to deal with the physical changes but you have a pile of other stuff as well. Things like pity, or patronizing attitudes, or even being someone's inspiration. And you just want to say STOP because you just want to be accepted as yourself.

I have often wished that my disability were seen as no different than someone who just had to wear glasses to see.
And I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining when I say that, but I do think how we view disabilities could have an impact on how we (as we get older) and others are able to adjust to our limitations.

[Crankin]

One of the most inspiring and eye opening experiences I've had cycling was doing the Wounded Warrior Ride a few years ago. In the beginning, some of the Warriors started out with the ride for the first 10 miles. That was amazing. But there were also many, many warriors with the regular ride, with a variety of abilities. I was dropped by all of them, men and women....

[Sylvia]

LoL Crankin,

I'm glad you got to experience this. It sounds like you had a lot of fun. This is one of the reasons why I wish the paralympics got more visibility. I think it would really open more people's eyes to the possibilities around them. It should be starting in a few weeks.

[Crankin]

Thanks, Sylvia.
And I am just stating my honest feelings when I say how I would most likely react to a sudden disability in my life. While I am a real proponent of changing your thoughts to change your life, the bottom line is that no amount of "la, la, la, it's all positive and cheery," is going to change the raw emotion I *know* I would experience. Perhaps it's the perspective of age; I am not going to BS the reality of anything.
So, I keep doing everything I can do to stay healthy, thank G-d for the longevity and good genetics in my family, while knowing it can change in an instant.

[Sylvia]

Thanks, Sylvia.
And I am just stating my honest feelings when I say how I would most likely react to a sudden disability in my life. While I am a real proponent of changing your thoughts to change your life, the bottom line is that no amount of "la, la, la, it's all positive and cheery," is going to change the raw emotion I *know* I would experience. Perhaps it's the perspective of age; I am not going to BS the reality of anything.
So, I keep doing everything I can do to stay healthy, thank G-d for the longevity and good genetics in my family, while knowing it can change in an instant.

No I get it, you are being absolutely honest about it and I think you should be. The worst thing to do is bottle it all up and pretend everything is good when it's not.
I don't think you get to a point of being able to fully accept alternate paths until you can accept the loss. The main thing is to not get stuck in the past such that you can't move on.

That said, for some one that finds themselves disabled, and has gotten past the grieving stage, I think an interesting thought experiment is imagining what a cool and exciting life might look like given the current circumstances. Certainly we all know people of varying ages and abilities who have had cool and amazing lives. And what would that look like for you or even me? And then what do we need to do to get there from where we are now. That becomes the next journey. And I'm not going to sugar coat it and pretend like it's all roses from then on, because really no journey is. The main point is not to let the tough times keep you from enjoying the good times. Don't get stuck. And ultimately that gets back to the whole honesty thing.

[salsabike]

Lovely posts, Sylvia, especially this last one. Thanks. And watching the Paralympics is a blast. So many athletes there who can do things I can't do! I used to do my swim workouts at a pool where a young woman with one leg trained. She was an absolutely gorgeous swimmer, poetry in motion. And the foot on her prosthetic leg had a pedicure (red). I always wondered how she did in the games that next year but the pool closed down before I could meet her and ask her name.