Becoming/being, disabled?

[Catrin]

((((Pax)))) I kind of know how you feel with the types of things I've had to give up over the last year. My situation isn't the same, but I certainly get how hard it is to accept something like that. It was hard enough for me to finally accept that there are certain things I will never be able to do again, but I know that my situation is minor compared to so many. It IS cool to be able to find new things to do, and a bit heartbreaking to have to give up things you love.

Very cool that you were once a firefighter - that is just plain awesome! In the 80's as well, and I'm sure you helped pave the way for the women that have followed you in your profession.

[Crankin]

I know myself well enough that I would not do well in your situation, Pax. However, I do think the key is finding a new passion. I've been thinking a lot about what's going to happen when I cannot ride the way I do now. My plan is to just ride differently, if the situation warrants it, but I was thinking about this while I was climbing up Lenox Mt. last Saturday, in the Berkshires. It's not a terrible climb, and I don't try to do it fast, but I can't imagine not being able to do it...

[salsabike]

Pax, I do have something to offer. I hope it has some meaning for folks.

I used to be a dancer. I don't mean professionally, but very serious amateur--like, two hours of ballet class six days a work, performing in some Nutcrackers, etc. I worked full time and then went to the ballet studio afterwards. It was my second home and my most beloved world. I ended up having to quit when I developed an extremely painful fibromyalgia syndrome. I probably spent close to a decade being devastated--sad, angry, not knowing what to do, gaining a lot of weight from the only medication that helped with the severe chronic muscle pain (amitriptyline, for those who want to know). I finally went off the medication and the pain stayed tamped down for many years for no clear reason. But my weight set point had changed--hard to get it all off.

Then my husband started riding his bike again. I looked at that and said, hey, I used to like doing that. I started riding again. More and more. Then I got interested in triathlons. I got a coach and did sprints and Olympics for about five years (2008-2013). And THEN I developed a tendon deterioration syndrome in one ankle and was advised by multiple ankle surgeons not to run anymore. So...no more triathlons.

I find I still like to ride and I ride about 80-100 miles a week (except during vacations or when workload overcomes my free time). A lot of my rides these days are on the Sammamish River Trail looking for wildlife. I've watched two seasons of osprey chicks being born and growing up. I watch otter families on the river. I've watched woodpeckers make nestholes in trees, hatch their chicks, and have seen the chicks fed and fledge. I saw a weasel lately for the first time ever. I watched two barn owl families grow up under bridges on the river trail this year. And also I still hike. We're about to do a long weekend of hikes at Glacier Park.

I list all that to say that I have finally come to realize that no matter what gets taken away from me as my body declines to keep cooperating on some activity, I will by God get up and find other activity doors to walk through, as long as I possibly can. The losses of things I love--especially ballet--have been really hard. But I've gotten better at understanding that I will never just give up, so I might as well start looking for the next open doors that I might want to wander through. It's the best I can do with the frailty of being human.

I too think it's fabulous that you have been a firefighter. I have solid faith that you WILL find those new things. You seem like a strong soul to me.

[Pax]

You have a beautiful attitude, salsabike!


Catrin, here's me at 23, I thought I such a badass and now, when I look at the pics, I was just a baby!! LOL