Becoming/being, disabled?

[Aromig]

Pax: I don't have anything to share (I'm old and creaky but happy to be where I am), but I did want to comment on your post.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with knee issues/surgeries/replacements and, even harder, getting used to having everything be so much more difficult. I broke my leg 4 years ago and the 4 months with no weightbearing were tough. I try to remember that and be grateful that it was only 4 months and not my every day life. And I try to be more empathetic for those with disabilities, but I know I get caught up in my normal life and forget how hard it is for others.

And WOW! I had no idea you were a firefighter. I can't even imagine how difficult that was in the 80s (heck, I bet it is still difficult now. Even with training and legal protections prejudice and bigotry manage to find their way into every day interactions in these types of fields). Way to blaze a trail to make it easier for women of the future! Thank you for making a difference, both for women in the field and for the people you saved.

[Pax]

Thanks, Aromig, it was a very challenging time, but I loved it. Even though I finished the fire academy number two of my class, was a licensed medic with experience, and scored in the 50% of our departments strength tests (meaning I was stronger than 50% of the guys I worked with), my training officer still told me "I don't believe you have any business here so I'm going to make your life a living hell". He sure tried, but once the guys saw I could pull my weight they let up a bit.

As far as being kinda disabled, the hardest part is coming to grips with the knowledge I won't be able to do all the cool stuff I used to do. I'm working on finding new stuff now!

[Catrin]

((((Pax)))) I kind of know how you feel with the types of things I've had to give up over the last year. My situation isn't the same, but I certainly get how hard it is to accept something like that. It was hard enough for me to finally accept that there are certain things I will never be able to do again, but I know that my situation is minor compared to so many. It IS cool to be able to find new things to do, and a bit heartbreaking to have to give up things you love.

Very cool that you were once a firefighter - that is just plain awesome! In the 80's as well, and I'm sure you helped pave the way for the women that have followed you in your profession.

[Crankin]

I know myself well enough that I would not do well in your situation, Pax. However, I do think the key is finding a new passion. I've been thinking a lot about what's going to happen when I cannot ride the way I do now. My plan is to just ride differently, if the situation warrants it, but I was thinking about this while I was climbing up Lenox Mt. last Saturday, in the Berkshires. It's not a terrible climb, and I don't try to do it fast, but I can't imagine not being able to do it...

[salsabike]

Pax, I do have something to offer. I hope it has some meaning for folks.

I used to be a dancer. I don't mean professionally, but very serious amateur--like, two hours of ballet class six days a work, performing in some Nutcrackers, etc. I worked full time and then went to the ballet studio afterwards. It was my second home and my most beloved world. I ended up having to quit when I developed an extremely painful fibromyalgia syndrome. I probably spent close to a decade being devastated--sad, angry, not knowing what to do, gaining a lot of weight from the only medication that helped with the severe chronic muscle pain (amitriptyline, for those who want to know). I finally went off the medication and the pain stayed tamped down for many years for no clear reason. But my weight set point had changed--hard to get it all off.

Then my husband started riding his bike again. I looked at that and said, hey, I used to like doing that. I started riding again. More and more. Then I got interested in triathlons. I got a coach and did sprints and Olympics for about five years (2008-2013). And THEN I developed a tendon deterioration syndrome in one ankle and was advised by multiple ankle surgeons not to run anymore. So...no more triathlons.

I find I still like to ride and I ride about 80-100 miles a week (except during vacations or when workload overcomes my free time). A lot of my rides these days are on the Sammamish River Trail looking for wildlife. I've watched two seasons of osprey chicks being born and growing up. I watch otter families on the river. I've watched woodpeckers make nestholes in trees, hatch their chicks, and have seen the chicks fed and fledge. I saw a weasel lately for the first time ever. I watched two barn owl families grow up under bridges on the river trail this year. And also I still hike. We're about to do a long weekend of hikes at Glacier Park.

I list all that to say that I have finally come to realize that no matter what gets taken away from me as my body declines to keep cooperating on some activity, I will by God get up and find other activity doors to walk through, as long as I possibly can. The losses of things I love--especially ballet--have been really hard. But I've gotten better at understanding that I will never just give up, so I might as well start looking for the next open doors that I might want to wander through. It's the best I can do with the frailty of being human.

I too think it's fabulous that you have been a firefighter. I have solid faith that you WILL find those new things. You seem like a strong soul to me.

[Pax]

You have a beautiful attitude, salsabike!


Catrin, here's me at 23, I thought I such a badass and now, when I look at the pics, I was just a baby!! LOL