Mother Dearest,

[Pax]

... What worries me are the filial support laws. They aren't heavily enforced now - but with the elderly population growing rapidly and fewer having the means to take care of themselves, I fear their enforcement will become more commonplace. Could conceivably make it impossible to save for retirement.

Agreed, we were very concerned about that in IL until I checked with a lawyer and found out there were no such laws/requirements there. My mom and dad lived large and when my dad died at 74, my mom was stuck with a refinanced 30 year mortgage with 26 years still on it (who gives a couple of 70 year olds a 30 year mortgage!!!) and over $55,000 in a second on their motorhome. They carried ridiculous debt and there was no way I wanted to get stuck paying for her bills when she was gone. We don't have debt, so at least we learned a valuable lesson from them.

[smilingcat]

I am very fortunate on a finance. Lets just say that my mother is very secure financially. My sister lives only 10 minutes from my mothers place so all my mother wants is to have her family back together.

And I too am financially secure at the moment unless I totally mess up my farm. I really don't need to be working but I choose to do so. And like my mother I too am totally debt free.

And my sister with whom I really don't get along, is well, lets just say that she failed to launch.

So its not so much that she needs care from me. It's more about living out her dream.

[Pax]

When my mom came home to IL she expected to step back into the life she'd left there 25 years before. But we all had our own very separate lives... I finally had to sit her down and tell her some hard truths, my brother and I will NEVER get along, so no matter how much she wanted to recreate that old Leave It To Beaver life she remembered, it wasn't going to happen.

[nuliajuk]

I'd rather chew off my right arm than ever live with my mother again. Unfortunately, my older brother has talked my sister into doing just that. From a financial standpoint it makes sense, as she's on disability due to mental health problems and can contribute a bit to running the household. From the standpoint of her problems, it's a terrible idea. My mother isn't the exclusive cause of my sister's mental health issues, but she definitely contributed to them. Of course, our brother is blissfully unaware of this - he was the golden child who could do no wrong growing up.

[Crankin]

All the more reason your sister should not be there...

[shootingstar]

A sister of mine should get surgery/hysterectomy for a large fibroid (she looks pregnant) at the urging of her gynaeceologist. But no, she is under the pull of helping my mother every weekend. Not healthy.

It gets complicated when one has family members across Canada in different jurisdictions in terms of future care...different laws in different jurisdictions. My concussion earlier this winter proved how important it was to have at least 1-2 local friends/family.

[Crankin]

After reading some of these comments, I greatly appreciate my mom. Not that I didn't before, but as my brother and I have discussed, we had "good (normal) parents."

[salsabike]

I always appreciated mine too, so did my siblings. She died when I was 26, and had cancer off and on with aggressive treatment since I was 10. She's been gone over 19 years, now.

Oh, Sheila. I'm sorry. That's pretty tough.

[rebeccaC]

But I love her dearly, and I just don't know what I'm going to do without her when she's gone as she is my best friend in so many ways.

me too.....i don't even want to think about her not being here to share a conversation, even a good one about a strong disagreement, and a cup of tea while overlooking the mountains surrounding the family home. my parents shouldn't ever need any financial help but i'd be happy to provide it and my time if ever needed and i'd do it with love cuz of all the emotional support, understanding and unconditional love they have given me throughout my life. at 58/60 and both in excellent health my parents should be around for a long time to come though.........that's always one of my prayers

working with a non-profit, with some of my time....i'm working on more severe dysfunctional families, concentrating on the consequences on the girls/women......the kind of thing my mother instilled in me and would say is good for my soul..

[smilingcat]

embarrassed for posting. Train wreck. move along move along nothing to see here.

Terribly sorry for the post.