Fat Shaming

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http://totalwomenscycling.com/lifest...mmunity-53867/

I came across this article today, I couldn't believe what I was reading, that this could happen in this day and age, oh wait, yeah, it does happen and sadly, all too often.

[OakLeaf]

[lauraelmore1033]

I read about this on another forum. I have been called a fat B many a time while out on the road, but NEVER by a cyclist! Terrible!

[ny biker]

I just don't understand why someone would find it necessary to insult a total stranger that they would otherwise have no interaction with. I feel bad for the families of those people, and their co-workers and others who have to deal with them on a regular basis. They must be so unpleasant.

[lauraelmore1033]

no doubt.

[Crankin]

There seems to have been a stream of ugly things happening to cyclists in the UK, i.e. the wire across the road in several places.

[lauraelmore1033]

And misogyny is peaking just about everywhere.

[Trek420]

I just don't understand why someone would find it necessary to insult a total stranger that they would otherwise have no interaction with. I feel bad for the families of those people, and their co-workers and others who have to deal with them on a regular basis. They must be so unpleasant.

I wonder if their wives, daughters, moms .... know they talk to women that way.

[OakLeaf]

I wonder if their wives, daughters, moms .... know they talk to women that way.

IME it works the other way. A LOT of people talk to their wives and daughters that way, who'd never say it to a stranger. And their moms probably got it from their dads, which is where they learned it to begin with.

[rebeccaC]

I just don't understand why someone would find it necessary to insult a total stranger that they would otherwise have no interaction with.

There are a number of different reasons some people do that….trying to bolster a fragile ego by putting down someone else etc. etc.

I choose to not let verbal abuse have any power over me and I quickly put it out of my mind and the person out of my life. No one should have to accept belittlement or be expected to swallow misogyny or apologize for speaking against it.

[Crankin]

Unfortunately, most people find quite difficult to ignore such insults. Our brains are wired to go to the negative; it takes a lot of work to change that. If someone is already struggling with any number of issues, these kinds of insults can be devastating. This is why it's hard to get out of a cycle of negative thinking, which affects emotions.
Changing this is possible; it's just that it takes conscious effort and often support from a professional and/or or family/friends.

[OakLeaf]

And IMO, shaming people for their reaction to fat shaming (or other types of bigotry) just enables the bigots and further degrades their victims.

[Crankin]

I am not shaming anyone's reaction to this. I am just stating that it's really hard to ignore these kinds of comments, which are so personal, and just plain mean, when it happens to you. At this point in my life, I could probably let something like this roll off my shoulders, but I wouldn't say that about myself for the majority of my life. I see too many people whose daily lives are devasted by mean words. The bullying at the middle school I worked at was nothing compared to what I currently see adults doing to other adults. It takes years of work and a lot of emotional strength to ignore this. Sorry, I just don't realistically see that most people, especially people who have fragile sense of self to begin with, have the immediate power to ignore such incidents. What I observe is that people stuff and deny these comments, and let it eat away at them.
Personally, I am happy when I see anyone on a bike, but I'd be lying if I said that others I ride with haven't made nasty comments about the size of other riders. Guess I am just human and admitting that if someone directed a nasty comment like in the article toward me, it would not be easy to let it go.

[OakLeaf]

Didn't mean to say that you were, at all ... not even remotely ... sorry you got that impression. I completely agree with you. I just wish I had enough, not only to let the comments roll off myself, but to speak up any time I hear someone else make one, or when I hear someone excuse the bigot and put all the responsibility on their victim. I'm getting better at that, but the times I've been silent eat at me, too.

[Crankin]

I guess I was being overly sensitive... . And for what it's worth, it's easier to speak up to bigots and bullies each year you get older. I just don't give a **** anymore. I don't even speak to any of my family members in Massachusetts (except for the ones you've met) because of their bigoted attitudes. I once was able to sum up the courage to say something in the moment to my friend, who told my DH that his v neck sweater looked "gay," as they were having dinner at my house. This was only about 5 years ago, and she is always going on about how open minded she is. I looked at her and said, "If I replaced the word gay, with the word Jew, in your last sentence, how would you feel?" I was really proud of myself, and she was speechless. Of course today, she doesn't remember this and is bragging about bringing a gay friend (male) to chemo treatments. It makes me want to scream, but it's not worth it.