Oldest person that you knew personally & their quality of life

[Crankin]

Maybe I'll feel peaceful when it happens, but right now, I would prefer not to die! Im almost 62 and I don't like it one bit. But, just like that song, I hope I die before I get old.

[Helene2013]

Close to me was my father in law (my husband's father). He was 89 when he died. Until his triple bypass 3 years earlier, he was still in his home, doing everything by himself (cooking, cleaning and cutting his grass and trimming his cedar edge, driving his car, etc.). He also had to fight treatments for prostate cancer (which he won).

After his hospital stay (which turned out very bad but he recoupped after a struggle), he went back home for another year doing everything, with some help as we forced him to get a housecleaning person and we helped him with some chores. We talked him into moving into a assisted-living apartment. We sold his home and he kept lots of his furniture so he still felt at home where he was. He had nothing else to do but enjoy life. He still went to the gym (it was light due to his condition), we got him a little motorized cart for his longer walks as he was getting into heart failure (not sure the term in English) but his heart was working harder, also getting some fluids into his lungs.

But he was still active to almost the end. Although he was on too many pills to control everything, his mind was all there most of the time. But he slept more and it was harder to get him out of this sleep pattern.

He never "exercised" much, like most of us here. But he was active differently (bowling, light walking, sometimes line dancing) working around the house which can get very physical. He used to be alcoholic (but stopped some 30 years before), never smoked. So overall, nothing major done but some was good genes I supposed.

But I must admit that towards the end, he fell like he was a burden to us (my husband and I) and even the caregivers. So he only wanted to die and said it was time that we regained our life instead of taking care of him. Yes it took a lot of our energies just to deal with everything in the end but we would do it all over again just to have him with us.

Like Pax said, most his family and friends were dead. He went to more funerals then weddings...so it must be hard to go through. He had my husband when he was over 40. So even hubby did not have a chance to see his extended family that much as they were dying as he was growing up.

So I do hope, like most of us, that I get to live a long and healthy life. Sure we'll get some bumps along the way. Just hoping they will not be too high and hard to go through and that will be able to afford all the cares I will need when I get there. Can't depend on kids...as we have none. hihi

[shootingstar]

My efforts to remain reasonably healthy long-term aren't because I dislike aging. Now I just believe that in order for me to minimize difficulties and pain of aging/towards latter years in life, is that I need to be healthy. My recent concussion and rehab., made me realize that although rehab was long enough, my recovery to move around, etc. was made easier because I had been healthy prior to my accident.

I don't want to flagellate myself for at least not trying at all to be healthy.

When I was at the intensive care unit last year, where my 85- yr. old father was before he was moved to palliative care and died 4 wks. later, there was signage on his hospital floor all over the place, for patients, to move around to remain healthier. Even if moving around meant just walking the hospital hallways ...

Most certainly administering heavy doses of chemotherapy on frailer/older folks in their 80's onward, will weaken them and make it very hard for them to be "stronger" later. It's a serious compromise on their immune system.

[OakLeaf]

there was signage on his hospital floor all over the place, for patients, to move around to remain healthier.

Ah, Canadian health care ...

That was one of the biggest problems with my FIL's care. Medicare and his gap coverage would only pay for one home care attendant. MIL, a bit younger but still in her late 80s, there was no way she could give the attendant any help in getting him out of bed and helping him walk, or later, transferring him to a wheelchair. They could have afforded to pay a second attendant out of pocket ... but to bypass insurance rules, they would have had to go outside any agencies and hire privately, they didn't know anyone who could refer them, and they weren't inclined to hire some random person out of the back of an ad circular (for which I don't blame them one little bit). The result was that he only got out of bed twice a week when the PT came, or when DH came the 500 miles to visit. IIRC, once it was clear that he wasn't going to get better, the PT was discontinued too, since most insurance will only pay for therapy to improve someone's condition, not to keep it from deteriorating. It was heart-wrenching to watch him go downhill for the simple fact that no one was available to get him out of bed.

[shootingstar]

I'm sorry to hear Oak that your FIL was left in that situation.

Attendant care in Canada is not freely available in that way. It's subsidized for low income patients for certain illnesses. ..if you live in a city where there is such support services. It's contracted private service which ranges from ok to awful...depending on what companies have been contracted by public health care system. My father did have the choice, and my doctor -sister did float that idea..but it was too much for them to wrap their head. So my mother did what she could but in the end, it was better he was in the hospital. Last few wks., of life, his skin was very painful/sensitive to anyone touching him.

So my siblings (I live 3,000 km. west and did fly twice over a 4 month period to be with my father) took turns spending many hrs. in the same hospital rm. where he was.. by just being there. That is the best situation because there's professional nursing care and physicians immediately available, with the comfort presence of at least 1 family member on any day. Several of my siblings work in different hospitals within a 20 min. walk in downtown Toronto. This is the advantage of having several family members live in the same city as the dying parent...if the adult-children care about their parent.

People have to realize the psychological and physical strain on your primary family caregiver member if you choose to die at home over a long period of time. This is not something that my mother would have been able to cope with at all since she herself moves slowly, etc. and psychologically for traditional Chinese, they don't deal with death in the greatest way....my personal opinion.

Of course, depending where one lives, type of health care system, cost and hospital bed/long term care availability, there may be no choice but to be at home.

It was frustrating for my siblings to see my father try to pull himself out of bed. But he couldn't because of his weakened state.

Still, the excellent health of my father despite his cancer, was an inspiration to us.... I can't imagine if he had respiratory, heart problems or weight problems on top of his cancer. But he didn't have any of these problems prior nor during his 5-yr. long cancer years.

So he had very high quality of life with cancer right up to the final year of his life.

This is what I mean: Do all that you can now and for upcoming decades to look after your health. You still may not be able to avoid certain illnesses, but at least preventable medical disorders won't make your primary illness more complex to treat.