Hi Catrin! Thanks for the understanding. It's hard to describe the thoughts to other people, it's always nice to talk to someone that gets it. The good news is that even though I know I'm slower, I've come back from each ride in a great mood, proud of myself for getting out there. I may go tonight and then hike tomorrow. I definitely like the idea of mixing things up and not getting into a routine. Even with climbing I got burned out after a while (but man, was I strong!). I think the other thing I'm struggling with is how quickly this all happened. Last year at this time I was 30 lbs lighter and still had muscle. The mix of depression and meds packed on the weight and kept me from wanting to even get off the couch. I have a fairly good mix of meds now that allow me to get out and do things, but I'm not sleeping, so I'm also super tired. I may go and bike tonight, but that means I'll be asleep by 8. It's a trade-off, but I know each time I go out is a step towards improving my life and well-being.

Crankin, my psychiatrist is always pushing breathing techniques to me. When I was first diagnosed, everyone told me to do yoga, that it would calm me. Instead, I spent the whole time waiting for class to be over and generally not enjoying it. Still, I tried it. I think my mind races too much to really get into those quieting techniques. Maybe with more practice it would help, but I feel like I'm too high energy for that stuff. Next week I'm going to try cardio boxing! Tomorrow I'll hike. Variety will be my friend. I'm just grateful to even want to do this stuff, it's a far cry from where I was a few months ago.