What would you think/do?

[Crankin]

I've had extensive experience working with bullies in middle school and training peer counselors in an anti-bullying program as a teacher. I also work with quite a few adults as a therapist, who are victims of people who most likely have narcissistic personality disorder (and are even crueler than those women at the barre class). There is generally a lack of empathy on the part of people who display this type of behavior. They cannot begin to change this pattern and see the effects of their behavior until they are confronted with it. While Lauraelmore (or any victim) shouldn't have to "cure" these people, saying nothing will just perpetuate the cycle.
The gym owner definitely needs to address this issue, now that she is aware of it.

[OakLeaf]

Sounds to me like she was already aware of it, had had other complaints. And the idea that she needed lauraelmore to identify them for her ... if it's anything like the groups I've known, you don't have to have Spidey Sense to pick them out. Sounds like the owner would rather keep this core group of paying customers, than make anyone else welcome in her studio.

I'm with PamNY. It makes me really sad and angry that you were forced out of this studio that you'd been benefiting from, but it's not your job to fix it.

I really would encourage you to try to find another studio though, maybe after a break. I'll do videos at home when there's no good alternative, but I don't see it as a long term thing. Personal instruction is important for anyone, even masters of their sport or other discipline, and social interaction CAN be good too, there really are places without all that drama.

[lauraelmore1033]

First off, thanks for all your replies and words of support. It's good to know that my perception of/reaction to the situation comes close to that of others. I grew up being bullied by my family and others, and was always told that I was guilty of being overly sensitive about it. I used to joke that I wouldn't know "normal" if if wore a name tag. I thought I had moved beyond that. As an older adult, I am usually able to recognize disordered behavior/thinking in others and not take it on board. But it is still hard for me. The fact that the behavior was what one might expect from 10 year olds (and not women in their mid 60s) and occurred in a disarmingly supportive atmosphere, activated all my impulses to flee as if from a poisonous gas. Now I'm feeling like I've blown things out of proportion, but also that I don't want to go back, knowing how everybody REALLY feels about me. (but there is part of me that says I should go back and continue to disrupt the homogeneity of their privileged lives...)

I have been emailing back and forth with the studio manager who still expresses distress over the situation and assures me that she has spoken to many members who say they find me to be an inspiration. This leads me to believe that the whole incident has been discussed publicly. Would be nice if the bullies had the decency to feel guilty. Somehow I doubt it...

[ny biker]

It's good to know that my perception of/reaction to the situation comes close to that of others. I grew up being bullied by my family and others, and was always told that I was guilty of being overly sensitive about it.

This is a pretty classic 1-2 punch. First they knock you down, then they criticize/blame you for being on the floor. They can't acknowledge that your feelings are valid because then they would be forced to realize that they did something wrong. But your feelings are valid. Really it's another thing you can't control -- it's an emotion. What you can control is how you deal with it, whether it's hitting back physically or verbally or turning the other cheek and forgiving them or any of the many other possibilities in between.

Bear in mind that this woman had the choice to move to another spot, but instead she chose to be stay put and say nasty things. It seems to me that she has plenty of deficiencies, to say the least.

I know what you mean about reacting on impulse -- it can be hard to cut through the emotion and see a situation clearly. It happens to all of us at times. But you definitely did not blow things out of proportion.

[Crankin]

This whole thing is so discouraging. How are people supposed to get fit from these types of activities, if they are bullied?
The others in my boot camp class are kind of tri/running snobs. They have always been friendly to me, but once they learned I was not going to ride with them, I hate swimming, and competition is not my cup of tea, a few stopped talking to me. It's 5:30 AM and it's not that many people, so I engage the ones who are friendly, and I make the others listen to me talk about my cycling trips. I am at least 15 years older than most of them, I don't think they have any idea.

[ny biker]

The others in my boot camp class are kind of tri/running snobs. They have always been friendly to me, but once they learned I was not going to ride with them, I hate swimming, and competition is not my cup of tea, a few stopped talking to me.

This reminds me of a few parties I went to when I first moved to DC. The person hosting worked on Capital Hill as a congressional aide and most of the guests did too. After people found out I had a totally different career, they ignored me for the rest of the party. At one of the parties I ended up talking to a priest (childhood friend of the host) the whole night.

I don't typically talk to folks at the gym. At my old gym I got to know a few people but mostly that was through my trainer, who is very social. But for the most part I prefer to listen to my mp3 player and just focus on my workout.

[Helene2013]

Same for hubby bike club....the "pros" are always staying together and are so minded into leaving for the ride that they are in their own world totaling ignoring the "normal" riders, which are not bad at all (my husband is in the 2nd fastest group. But even so, he is not part of the click just as not any of the other riders from group 2, 3, etc... Worst is he knows one of the "pro" guys because he is the brother our ex-back neighbour!!! So just to say that some people may think they are just better than you and instead of sharing their knowledge/experiences while waiting for the ride to start, they prefer to remain amongst themselves with their super bikes, facing back the other riders. It is something that was brought up to the club, but did nothing.

And OMG...if a slower group happens to pass them (due to a flat or other from one of them), it is BAD! They do all they can to regain the front of ride (in fact they disappear quickly as they ride easily over 45km/h.

I suppose it is the reality of some people. Just like you find clicks on discussion boards, too often.