What would you think/do?

[lauraelmore1033]

I dunno, I'm strongly leaning towards cancelling my membership and letting the owner know why. I'm not sure I can speak to the woman without crying, and I dontwannadoit.

[salsabike]

I dunno, I'm strongly leaning towards cancelling my membership and letting the owner know why. I'm not sure I can speak to the woman without crying, and I dontwannadoit.

Yep, totally understand that part. Do what works best for you. And then keep on keeping on. I wonder if that woman has done 6 STPs. Or is it more than 6?

[lauraelmore1033]

And then keep on keeping on. I wonder if that woman has done 6 STPs. Or is it more than 6?

I tell myself that with alarming frequency. I think it is more than 6.
Well, I did cancel my membership and mentioned why. The owner got right back to me and said she was furious. She said she would not tolerate that sort of attitude in her studio. She wanted names but I didn't know them. She said she had gotten many complaints about the cliques.
I suspect the main problem those ladies had with me was of their own self image: How can you continue to think you are exceptional when there is a lady carrying what amounts to a whole extra person who can match or better your efforts?
Thanks for all the support, everyone.

[shootingstar]

Well, I did cancel my membership and mentioned why. The owner got right back to me and said she was furious. She said she would not tolerate that sort of attitude in her studio. She wanted names but I didn't know them. She said she had gotten many complaints about the cliques.

I'm sorry you had to drop a class that was benefitting you physically. The studio owner has to state her "philosophy"/values ..to new student/learning groups at beginning of a course. Hope you find something else..outside of cycling, which is always a good thing for cross-training.

In reading this whole thread, I feel like a 56-yr. girl baby: I've been protected/cushioned from all this sort of female fitness cliquish dynamics!

Mind you, the cycling world has its own cliques which I never paid much attention...which is why I continue cycle a lot on my own, with just my partner or a good friend occasionally. I think my cycling confidence would have been shattered a long time ago because I didn't have as powerful legs as others, fantastic lungpower, etc.

I am an outlier in many ways...I don't even get together with all-female friends for a girls' night out...'cause my best friends are scattered across Canada. So in exercise classes (only 3 I've taken in last 15 yrs.), I don't even socialize with hardly anyone. Just went there to learn and then leave.

Have I been bullied....yes, racial and ethnic. So we have our own thing...which we cannot change but reject those who are toxic.

[rebeccaC]

lauraelmore…..hoping you find a truly supportive, knowledgeable and caring instructor/class in the near future!!!!

This is why, in my first response to this thread, that I recommended just saying they should be ashamed of their behavior, rather than politely saying may I speak with you? and then discussing. Just...announce that their behavior is unacceptable, then refuse to engage further.

I'm not certain tears are a bad thing. That might make a few of them feel guilty.

I guess I prefer to try for a positive learning moment first, makes me feel better about it no matter the outcome……and because of a grandmother who had mastered using guilt I don’t see much value in it.

[AppleTree]

I tell myself that with alarming frequency. I think it is more than 6.
Well, I did cancel my membership and mentioned why. The owner got right back to me and said she was furious. She said she would not tolerate that sort of attitude in her studio. She wanted names but I didn't know them. She said she had gotten many complaints about the cliques.
I suspect the main problem those ladies had with me was of their own self image: How can you continue to think you are exceptional when there is a lady carrying what amounts to a whole extra person who can match or better your efforts?
Thanks for all the support, everyone.

I am so sorry this happened to you lauraelmore, you don't deserve to be treated that way. That was a great point made Salsa... I'm guessing those candy @sses would as soon participate in the Seattle to Portland ride as they would fly to the moon.. and in the times you did it in too. Bravo to you for being brave to go to this class in the first place. I am no skinny minny either these days and extremely introverted in new situations like this. I would never join a gym class. Going to a small beginning yoga class was hard enough for me, I felt (and still feel) so inadequate and clumsy! I would probably do the same thing you did, just quit the class, maybe find another friendlier place to be. I would THINK lots of things to say, but never find the nerve to say it out loud.

[emily_in_nc]

So sorry that you had to quit the studio! Glad to hear that the owner was angry about it, though. Maybe there's another barre class in your area you could try? I've always thought that looked like an interesting workout as we lived very near a "Pure Barre" in NC, but prices were high, so I never tried a class.

[rebeccaC]

And yet, this comment makes me feel guilty. Actually, it makes me feel bad.

why?.....it's just two things i've learned about myself and a different way of dealing with it

[maillotpois]

I think it completely stinks that you gave up something that you enjoyed and was healthy for you because of those trolls. I'm so sorry.

[ny biker]

I tell myself that with alarming frequency. I think it is more than 6.
Well, I did cancel my membership and mentioned why. The owner got right back to me and said she was furious. She said she would not tolerate that sort of attitude in her studio. She wanted names but I didn't know them. She said she had gotten many complaints about the cliques.
I suspect the main problem those ladies had with me was of their own self image: How can you continue to think you are exceptional when there is a lady carrying what amounts to a whole extra person who can match or better your efforts?
Thanks for all the support, everyone.

Since the class has been helpful to you and the owner supports you, I think you should remain open to rejoining at some point. You have as much right to be there as any other member.

[PamNY]

Yuck. I am so sorry this happened to you. It's fun to talk about confronting them, but I probably wouldn't do it either. I don't blame you for leaving, and I am very glad you told the owner what happened.

As I grow older, I am astonished at how many people never outgrow this type of cliquish behavior.

[Catrin]

I am so sorry that you had to quit, but glad to hear you told the owner the real reason why. This behavior is one of the main reasons I won't try more traditional group training classes, I've been around this in the past and it is depressing.

[shootingstar]

As I grow older, I am astonished at how many people never outgrow this type of cliquish behavior.

Maybe it comes with recognizing our own frailities over time. Well, one would hope...

[Crankin]

Murienn, don't feel guilty! I would confront them, too. People like this don't feel badly about their behaviors until you call them on it. Let them feel guilty. They caused a grown woman to quit something she loved because of their bullying. It's no different than if they were in middle school.

[Blueberry]

I dunno, I'm strongly leaning towards cancelling my membership and letting the owner know why. I'm not sure I can speak to the woman without crying, and I dontwannadoit.

I totally 100% understand this. I would follow through on letting her know why though. Mean people suck - your riding has been an inspiration. Keep being your awesome self!