What would you think/do?

[shootingstar]

I've never been in such/any exercise studios. So I'm pretty ignorant of all this.

(I'm a cheapie..I've taken exercise classes through evening part-time courses for adults via local school board. I've had excellent instructors.)

Would be nice that a forward thinking studio owner would post a nice, not too big poster at back of classroom that espouses the studio's approach/expectations for student/participant behaviour. It can be expressed in an inspiring, brief way if she already teaches and runs her studio based on those values.

[salsabike]

Laura, I think I would probably go back, take aside the woman who made the comments, and tell her that I'd overheard them and that...fill in this blank with whatever you think is really important to convey to her. I wouldn't talk to a whole group--the dynamic of that is way different. I'd talk to her alone. And I WOULD talk to her about it. And probably to the owner as well.

Muirenn is right; it's bullying.

By the way, Muirenn, a barre class bears almost no resemblance to the barre section of a ballet class. It's sort of like a superheated Pilates class. It's great, but the name "barre" is all PR and no saddle, so to speak.

[lauraelmore1033]

I dunno, I'm strongly leaning towards cancelling my membership and letting the owner know why. I'm not sure I can speak to the woman without crying, and I dontwannadoit.

[salsabike]

I dunno, I'm strongly leaning towards cancelling my membership and letting the owner know why. I'm not sure I can speak to the woman without crying, and I dontwannadoit.

Yep, totally understand that part. Do what works best for you. And then keep on keeping on. I wonder if that woman has done 6 STPs. Or is it more than 6?

[lauraelmore1033]

And then keep on keeping on. I wonder if that woman has done 6 STPs. Or is it more than 6?

I tell myself that with alarming frequency. I think it is more than 6.
Well, I did cancel my membership and mentioned why. The owner got right back to me and said she was furious. She said she would not tolerate that sort of attitude in her studio. She wanted names but I didn't know them. She said she had gotten many complaints about the cliques.
I suspect the main problem those ladies had with me was of their own self image: How can you continue to think you are exceptional when there is a lady carrying what amounts to a whole extra person who can match or better your efforts?
Thanks for all the support, everyone.

[shootingstar]

Well, I did cancel my membership and mentioned why. The owner got right back to me and said she was furious. She said she would not tolerate that sort of attitude in her studio. She wanted names but I didn't know them. She said she had gotten many complaints about the cliques.

I'm sorry you had to drop a class that was benefitting you physically. The studio owner has to state her "philosophy"/values ..to new student/learning groups at beginning of a course. Hope you find something else..outside of cycling, which is always a good thing for cross-training.

In reading this whole thread, I feel like a 56-yr. girl baby: I've been protected/cushioned from all this sort of female fitness cliquish dynamics!

Mind you, the cycling world has its own cliques which I never paid much attention...which is why I continue cycle a lot on my own, with just my partner or a good friend occasionally. I think my cycling confidence would have been shattered a long time ago because I didn't have as powerful legs as others, fantastic lungpower, etc.

I am an outlier in many ways...I don't even get together with all-female friends for a girls' night out...'cause my best friends are scattered across Canada. So in exercise classes (only 3 I've taken in last 15 yrs.), I don't even socialize with hardly anyone. Just went there to learn and then leave.

Have I been bullied....yes, racial and ethnic. So we have our own thing...which we cannot change but reject those who are toxic.

[rebeccaC]

lauraelmore…..hoping you find a truly supportive, knowledgeable and caring instructor/class in the near future!!!!

This is why, in my first response to this thread, that I recommended just saying they should be ashamed of their behavior, rather than politely saying may I speak with you? and then discussing. Just...announce that their behavior is unacceptable, then refuse to engage further.

I'm not certain tears are a bad thing. That might make a few of them feel guilty.

I guess I prefer to try for a positive learning moment first, makes me feel better about it no matter the outcome……and because of a grandmother who had mastered using guilt I don’t see much value in it.

[AppleTree]

I tell myself that with alarming frequency. I think it is more than 6.
Well, I did cancel my membership and mentioned why. The owner got right back to me and said she was furious. She said she would not tolerate that sort of attitude in her studio. She wanted names but I didn't know them. She said she had gotten many complaints about the cliques.
I suspect the main problem those ladies had with me was of their own self image: How can you continue to think you are exceptional when there is a lady carrying what amounts to a whole extra person who can match or better your efforts?
Thanks for all the support, everyone.

I am so sorry this happened to you lauraelmore, you don't deserve to be treated that way. That was a great point made Salsa... I'm guessing those candy @sses would as soon participate in the Seattle to Portland ride as they would fly to the moon.. and in the times you did it in too. Bravo to you for being brave to go to this class in the first place. I am no skinny minny either these days and extremely introverted in new situations like this. I would never join a gym class. Going to a small beginning yoga class was hard enough for me, I felt (and still feel) so inadequate and clumsy! I would probably do the same thing you did, just quit the class, maybe find another friendlier place to be. I would THINK lots of things to say, but never find the nerve to say it out loud.

[emily_in_nc]

So sorry that you had to quit the studio! Glad to hear that the owner was angry about it, though. Maybe there's another barre class in your area you could try? I've always thought that looked like an interesting workout as we lived very near a "Pure Barre" in NC, but prices were high, so I never tried a class.

[ny biker]

I tell myself that with alarming frequency. I think it is more than 6.
Well, I did cancel my membership and mentioned why. The owner got right back to me and said she was furious. She said she would not tolerate that sort of attitude in her studio. She wanted names but I didn't know them. She said she had gotten many complaints about the cliques.
I suspect the main problem those ladies had with me was of their own self image: How can you continue to think you are exceptional when there is a lady carrying what amounts to a whole extra person who can match or better your efforts?
Thanks for all the support, everyone.

Since the class has been helpful to you and the owner supports you, I think you should remain open to rejoining at some point. You have as much right to be there as any other member.

[PamNY]

Yuck. I am so sorry this happened to you. It's fun to talk about confronting them, but I probably wouldn't do it either. I don't blame you for leaving, and I am very glad you told the owner what happened.

As I grow older, I am astonished at how many people never outgrow this type of cliquish behavior.

[Blueberry]

I dunno, I'm strongly leaning towards cancelling my membership and letting the owner know why. I'm not sure I can speak to the woman without crying, and I dontwannadoit.

I totally 100% understand this. I would follow through on letting her know why though. Mean people suck - your riding has been an inspiration. Keep being your awesome self!

[thekarens]

I dunno, I'm strongly leaning towards cancelling my membership and letting the owner know why. I'm not sure I can speak to the woman without crying, and I dontwannadoit.

That's me, if I get really angry (which I would in this situation) I start crying. It's embarrassing.

[smilingcat]

I hate the back stabbing *&^%!! Don't let them get to you emotionally. They really can't do much to you anyway. Not physically, financially and not mentally if you don't let them. I would talk with the owner so she knows what is going on and that you are going to pull this one woman on the side and have a word with her.

Bullies usually back down if you confront them. they typically deny any of your claim. So just tell them that it doesn't matter what she thinks or claims, tell her that you don't appreciate the b*&y attitude and adolescent behavior.

Now, if the owner of the place thinks its more important to keep the clique, then cancel your membership because it just means that the clique is more important than you. I wouldn't bother giving money to a place that doesn't have any interest in my well being.

Easier said than done but don't think about the stupid comments or epithet thrown at you. Try to brush it off as a sign of their immaturity.

[rocknrollgirl]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I go to yoga at a studio that has a "young,blonde and bendy" clique, so I get it. Fortunately, they rarely get out of bed on weekends for a 7:30 class. It is just the AARP crowd!

Do you love the class? The silly women aside, do you love it? If you do, then don't give up something you love because women can be beechy. Switch classes, confront the other woman, talk to the owner, do whatever you have to do to stay if you love it.