Thread Drift

[emily_in_nc]

Crankin, one thought I had about your bike club folks who are friendly but not actively seeking socializing outside of the club rides, etc. is that there seem to be a lot of folks around like DH and me -- introverts who are very friendly during rides but who get most our social needs met that way and then don't feel the need for more socializing in the evening or off the bike. I think a lot of introverts are drawn to cycling, as it's an individual sport rather than a team sport, and especially those who love to ride alone and get lost in their thoughts are introverts, more often than not.

So in all likelihood, it's not you, it's them.

I wish I loved to have people over and to entertain. To me it's about on par with a dental visit, I kid you not!

[Helene2013]

Emily,
Love your last sentence. Lol

So much like hubby and I. Stress before guests are here then stress when they are gone to clean up. Too much cooking, cleaning, getting the dogs to behave, etc. So we opt out lol and we end up meeting them at restaurant.

I like to meet people but once I'm done with x activity I just want to chill quietly at home.

[rocknrollgirl]

Emily and Helen, I agree 100%. My husband would have folks every weekend. I would rather have root canal. The entire ordeal makes me tired thinking about it. I am the same way. Better off at a restaurant because when I am done socializing I am done. Tough to do when they are in your kitchen!

I am way better if we are going to have company, if we just have over one or two friends.

[emily_in_nc]

Emily and Helen, I agree 100%. My husband would have folks every weekend. I would rather have root canal. The entire ordeal makes me tired thinking about it. I am the same way. Better off at a restaurant because when I am done socializing I am done. Tough to do when they are in your kitchen!

I am way better if we are going to have company, if we just have over one or two friends.

Ditto. In fact, we have not had a "party" in years unless you count family. If friends, it's only a couple. But mostly now we just meet people at restaurants. I get way too stressed with having everything perfect -- food, house, drink, etc -- when it is in my own space. I think a lot of it is just practice. The more you entertain, the better you get at it. Kinda like with public speaking -- another activity I put on par with dental visits!

[shootingstar]

I relate to both TE forumites who are part of a couple and those who live alone 'cause:

we maintain 2 homes in 2 provinces. My partner isn't always living in the same city where I work full-time. We spend time together in each home city location for chunks of the year which gets compounded by my limited vacation time due to a full-time job. Hence, my motivation to form more deeper friendships in my job-oriented city is less. After working for several employers in my career, my incentive to create personal friendships via other employees, dropped off a long time ago. The only local good friend is someone who works for the same employer but she is in a totally different dept. where our work roles would never cross. (Thank goodness!) Instead she and I met initially...in the employee collective bike cage. A friendship can begin in a collective bike cage, not during a bike ride.

As a couple for last 24 yrs., dearie and I just haven't joined up group rides often each year. We seem to go on one...um...1-2 times per year, if that. He and I are friendly introverts. He is well-known in the Vancouver area cycling advocacy circles and has many cycling advocacy contacts in the city and across British Columbia. But strangely, he very rarely goes cycling with these folks on his own personal trips and seldom goes out strictly just for a personal coffee/drink with such friends if there isn't some cycling matter he wants to chat up. Personally I find it abit odd, but I love dearie for being a friendly outlier.

I'm the one that still maintains some contact with long-time friends across Canada...even if they can't be immediately in the same city to help me. He is not like that all. But he is entirely content with this. Literally a friendly hermit but saves his personal "socializing" time for myself, his children and grandchildren.

But true, how helpful it is to have a local trustworthy friend when one is grieving, sick or injured.

[OakLeaf]

Lots here. Hugs to everyone. NbyNW, that's tough. Best wishes on the transition. Catrin, hugs to you too. Shootingstar, glad you're taking the time you need to mend.

Emily, you nailed it with me. I've heard it described before that some people gain energy from being with others, where other people have to spend it. I'm a spender for sure. When I got hurt and had to cut way back on riding, it was a major hit to my social life, but I really wasn't interested in "finding" something else to substitute. So I got even more isolated, which is one of the dysfunctional strategies I use to manage my life, and that's not good. Thank goodness for yoga.

My bike club started a slow ride and I'm actually planning on trying to ride with them in the morning. I'm a little apprehensive, both because I haven't been on the road bike for a year and a half, and because of the ride leader. During my "down time" one of the faster riders married her. I haven't met her face to face yet, but she friended me on Facebook and within two months was posting racist bile on my page. I unfriended her right away needless to say. There are people I know and like who usually do this ride too, but it's just kind of weird for me.


Oh PS I got a new motorcycle

[Pax]

*ears perking up*

New motorcycle?? Details please.