Thread Drift

[Catrin]

{{{{{Red}}}} So sorry to read this and your first memory of him is so sweet! Sending warm thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

[malkin]

(((red)))

[shootingstar]

I'm sorry for the loss of your brother, red.

[Crankin]

I am sorry, Red. I am 11 years older than my brother, and while it's not that great of a difference, you do have to work at a relationship. We haven't lived in the same city, except for 3 years, since 1971. And during those 3 years he was in 6th, 8th and 9th grade and I was a young teacher, going to grad school at night, dating. But, to keep on the same theme, I've been talking to him a lot lately, as my dad is not doing well. My brother is the "saint" in the family, mostly by virtue of location. My dad lives with him, which while a recent development, maybe a year ago, he's been responsible for him for a long time. My brother never married, and never reached his potential for all sorts of reasons. Anyway, 2 weeks ago, my brother came home from work and my dad said he didn't feel well. They went to the hospital, saw something on his brain, and did an MRI the next day, given the fact he's 89 and has been smoking since age 16, I am assuming there was stuff in his lungs. They went to do a scope of his lungs, he began seizing, and it was off to the ICU. He was on a ventilator, we signed the DNR, when 1.5 days later, he woke up, screaming for a TV to see the "f*n Red Sox game." Oy. They shipped off to a sub acute rehab and he's much better, working on gaining mobility to walk with a cane. He will not be going home and after his rehab, will be going to assisted living. The oncologist says he has 6 months to a year to live and they are not going to do anything interventional at this point. Most likely lung cancer that went to his brain.
My dad was working until up to about 18 months ago, has an active social life, and still makes it clear that I am the "kid." We have plans to see him in August, already, but I am debating whether to go out there for a few days at the end of this month. He told me not to come and that I didn't need to call him every day! He didn't say this in a mean way, but, this is how our relationship is. My brother and I agree about everything, how this will proceed, so I shall see.
I am very good at compartmentalizing things and this is not the same as when my mom was sick. She was only 67. My dad has lived a long life, and while it didn't turn out as he thought it would, it's been good.

[OakLeaf]

Oh Crankin, I'm sorry. Hugs to you too, and warm thoughts to all your family.

[Catrin]

{{{{Crankin}}}} Hugs and prayers for you and all of your family.

[Helene2013]

My deepest sympathies to the loss of your brother.

And Crankin, hugs to you too.

[Crankin]

Thanks. After the initial shock of it, I think my dad is doing ok with what is happening. He's been a denier all of his life, and he can't deny this. My younger son and his wife went to see him Sunday, which was good. They used to live in San Diego, not too far from him, but now they live near LA, so my son just doesn't see him that often anymore.
Frankly, I am more worried that I will never see my brother again, once my dad is gone. We actually have a lot in common, despite the age difference and the fact that his life was vastly different than mine, and he did not get the better side of things. Nothing horrible, but my family's financial circumstances changed greatly while he was growing up. I ignored all of it, since I was already on my own, but it did affect him.