A Political Rant

[Crankin]

High expectations are good, very good, but not everyone can get all As. I sure didn't, and I have 2 master's degrees. Everyone is different, and the main thing is for parents to know how to actually talk to their kids so the kids will talk to them, be able to set boundaries and rules with a neutral affect and voice, and be consistent in enforcing them, but also being flexible about some things, that are well, just not that important. I never wanted my kids to do anything "bad," but they knew if they did, they could tell us. They might get punished, but they knew we still loved them. Authoritarian and permissive parenting don't work. Authoritative parenting does. Unfortunately, most parents (regardless of culture) need to learn how to do this.
Now that I see more of a cross section of adolescents, in terms of SES, I am seeing too many that are cutting, starving themselves, and making themselves just plain sick, both mentally and physically from the pressures some parents and the community puts on them.

[shootingstar]

I'm not a parent. Simply an aunt of 7 nieces and nephews from 3 sisters.

It's tough how to convey the message to kids to be firm and hold children accountable for their actions, but have the door open so that children aren't afraid to tell parents. My father in particular placed demands on us young to be academically good but above all, show that we had some self-discipline to focus and study. However if this has not been balanced off by my own tendencies to be a vorarcious book reader where really I read anything I chose (I read stuff waaaaay adult beyond my years) and also for me to dabble on arts, crafts on my own, I probably wouldn't have "flourished" to understand my own strengths and weaknesses. My father gave up choosing stuff (a lot of it too difficult for gr. 1, gr.2) for us after he realized we ....were fine choosing books we liked, etc.

For a very long time, I had thought I had parents who were paranoid that we would get abducted, stalked, etc. We got a lot warnings and often made to accompany each other when walking to school, etc. when young. But remember my father wasn't around to give us car rides to and from school hardly at all. (My mother can't drive.) So in retrospect, when now many parents drive their children everywhere, my parents did take consider risk and trust in each of us from grade school through to high school. My mother made sure she at least met each of our best friends, even if she didn't know much English. But it was/still is legitimate for parents to know generally who their kids hung around with for hours and hours outside of home.

I do think that it is important that parents give sense of comfort to a child of recognizing a child's natural strengths and give time/patience to improve on their weaknesses...with understanding what happens if a child repeatedly transgresses (hurts others, breaks the law, etc.).

Honest I wouldn't want to be parent nowadays and trying to figure out how to protect, explain the dangerous violent crap on the open Internet, strangers on FB/twitter.. Just a different and to me, more outlets for danger since some of us grew up without the Internet.

[salsabike]

High expectations are good, very good, but not everyone can get all As. I sure didn't, and I have 2 master's degrees. Everyone is different, and the main thing is for parents to know how to actually talk to their kids so the kids will talk to them, be able to set boundaries and rules with a neutral affect and voice, and be consistent in enforcing them, but also being flexible about some things, that are well, just not that important. I never wanted my kids to do anything "bad," but they knew if they did, they could tell us. They might get punished, but they knew we still loved them. Authoritarian and permissive parenting don't work. Authoritative parenting does. Unfortunately, most parents (regardless of culture) need to learn how to do this.
Now that I see more of a cross section of adolescents, in terms of SES, I am seeing too many that are cutting, starving themselves, and making themselves just plain sick, both mentally and physically from the pressures some parents and the community puts on them.

Well said.