Host- guest customs

[shootingstar]

His parents had him do a lot of chores during his vacation. And his dad asked her to tidy up the bathroom. Not tidy up HER stuff in the bathroom, but tidy up the bathroom. She meant to, but forgot, and now his dad is mad and doesn't want her to visit ever again and furthermore they're not going to let him spend a week at our house over winter break.

She feels horrible for forgetting to clean the bathroom and she's extremely upset about not getting to spend time with her boyfriend. I'm boiling mad for her.

Obviously they don't realize how lucky they are. She could be obnoxious, noisy, into all kinds of objectionable and illegal activities. Instead she's quiet, polite (although they were offended because she didn't say 'please' and 'thank you' enough), smart, and responsible. She didn't leave her stuff all over the place. She didn't get into other people's stuff-- she felt a little uncomfortable about being asked to tidy up the bathroom because it would mean messing with other

Wow, weird parents. How old is he? 18-19?

(Look out....--! Should she ever um....marry to have in-laws like that.)

I think it's reasonable to expect an 18-yr. guest to clean up after their own mess and bring along their own empty dishes, not bring food into other areas of the house unless it's ok.

If the whole family is ie. raking leaves, I mean the whole family, then it would be nice she participated in a leisurely way. Or the whole family is putting dirty dishes away, then yes, she voluntarily helps. Not told.

As for not saying please and thank you enough times, honest I'm sure your daughter was polite. They sound like control freaks and treat your daughter like a child, instead of a young adult.

The tough thing, is your role as mother and perhaps be gracious and firm that there's something very strange that she is asked to do chores when she is..well only a guest. You don't want to cause her to make a decision between your opinion /you and what she feels for her boyfriend. Best to tell her that caring for her boyfriend is very different, doesn't mean she has to agree with his parents.

Sorry to hear, that his parents (or is it just the father) is forbidding mutual stayovers now..

And the parents are European-based? I'm asking because in some cultures/some families, women have this expectation...