Dear So and So

[Xrayted]

Hiya kids. I've been gone from this forum for quite a while. There were various reasons but mostly because it was too hard to juggle all of the home stuff and then also the online/friend stuff. My plate was way too full at most times to even take care of myself completely. So... life has thrown me for a loop over the last few months, right into a ditch. But, the nice thing is, I'm strong and young and can bounce back as well. With a hard breakup, I started thinking of the things in my life that are most important. And realized that I needed to include myself in that list, at the top instead of last. I now have the time to get back to what I enjoy without apology or having to work around someone else's agenda and I have to say, it's been kinda nice. It's liberating in many ways to find oneself again and enjoy the everyday things life has to offer. I found that I have incredible friends (around the world too) that are here for me and care. And I can do this. I've picked myself up many time before and I can do it again. So, I got back on the bike one day, had an immediate zero mph fallover at a stop sign as I realized it's been a while since I was clipped into pedals... Lol. I'm getting a trainer again, have been swimming and I'm thinking of doing a bit of running. I've met some really cool, new friends in the community and I'm finally getting to know the city and the area I live in after being here for over 6 years. Nothing or no one is holding me back from exploring anymore and it's a great side effect to this whole new life. As a matter of fact, I'm being encouraged to get out and live more and have fun more and be happy.


I'd like to thank Pax, who on many occasions, pieced me back together online. She has a unique view on life and how to heal and all of the steps needed and I wouldn't have gotten through this part nearly as well without her. I would also like to thank crazycanuck's partner. He was wonderful to talk to. Ian was instrumental in me seeing that I wasn't doing anything wrong but that it was time to just walk away and separate things in my heart and mind and really kicked me in the pants one late night when I really needed it. He made me think in a different direction and stop blaming myself and get proactive. I am eternally grateful for that guy. There have been a few others on here who reached out and know how this feels and let me know that things will get better, like Trek420. I appreciate the well wishes and good vibes. Most of all, I'd like to thank chickwhorips. She has been invaluable to my sanity and self worth through all of this. I really love that girl. She and I have helped each other through heartaches and trials and it's so good to know that she is my friend through thick and thin. And I am hers. Thank you, Amber.

Time to move on the rest of the way now. I've got new energy, a new outlook, (new furniture, Lol) and some new (and old) friends to spend time with. And, mostly, I have me. And I realized that it's okay to like myself just the way I am and that I did the best I could for someone. I loved deeply and paid it forward in every way a person can. And that's all I can do. Someday, I will find that right one who gets it. Is uplifted by the love and caring I have to give and understands that it is a team effort, not just a one way street. I've hopefully learned some valuable lessons about myself and will make better choices in the future. Can't guarantee that but... I'm a work in progress. What can I say?

So, now I'm off to find a trainer for my bike for the rainy months because I'm not giving this up again for anyone else. I love biking too much and I love bike porn waaaaay too much.

Hope to see you all more on here and in person again. I miss the get togethers and chats.