Women in Sci-Fi and Fantasy/Game of Thrones

[OakLeaf]

OK ... let me break it down a little better ...

In our culture, places where women can come and hang out and feel like the default plane of existence is that we are going to be safe, heard, and respected, aren't the norm or the majority of places. That's what "male privilege" means - women can't just walk into a strange place, be it an online forum or a neighborhood bar, and expect that we're going to be taken seriously, or even that we're going to be safe. That's why many women find it really important to preserve an online space where we CAN expect that respect and safety.

This is a cultural phenomenon that goes way beyond major negative experiences of particular women, and is represented much more often in microaggressions. But as lph pointed out, in my memory we have had one male stalker on this forum targeting a particular female forum member, and several "creeps," although the admins have been stellar (as they are with most things) in nipping that stuff in the bud. That is all much LESS than most women have to deal with in our daily lives, and that's an illustration of why this space is important to us.

We also have a small number of men who participate respectfully. By "respectfully," I mean they add their experience or ask their questions about cycling when it's appropriate and gender-neutral - such as traffic skills or bike handling tips, for instance - but they don't belittle women's contributions, deny or ignore our experiences (neither of which you have done here, I'm not saying you have) ... or insert themselves into social conversations that have nothing to do with anything except women's experience of the world.

Some of us - me included - would be a lot more comfortable with your occasionally contributing to a thread like this *if* you'd participated more in threads related to this forum's raison d'être, cycling and other sports. It raises a question in lph's mind, and mine, as to why you would choose to hang out and talk about science fiction and fantasy here, with women who are strangers to you, in a women-oriented space. You wouldn't just walk into a physical bike shop and engage the first stranger you saw in a conversation about books, would you? Even more so if it were a bike shop that catered primarily to women, sold only women's clothing and primarily WSD and smaller-framed bikes, right? That's what Team Estrogen is. A bike-accessories shop that sells women's gear, with a great big lounge in the back where the customers hang out and chat. We get to know each other by talking about bikes or other sports, which is what brought us here in the first place, and as friendships develop, we step aside and shoot the sh*t about whatever, too.

So. I speak only for myself. I'm just a customer and a participant, not an admin. From conversations we've had here in the past, I'd say I'm pretty much in the middle of active forum participants, as to whether men's presence is welcome here. As you already know, the admins say men can join, and I personally am comfortable with that, though as lph said, there are also some who aren't. I hope I've explained the reasons why some women here are uncomfortable with the presence of men at all, and why some would be uncomfortable with your personal participation in this particular thread ... though the bottom line is, part of being a safe space is that forum members will challenge you if you violate our boundaries, whether you understand the reasons or not. It's basic good manners to learn and respect those boundaries.

[Irulan]

Who is Renata and why does she get to speak for me?
I much prefer the Ski Diva model, where the forum is actually CLOSED to male participants. Guys have the whole fricken internet as their playground. Why can't we have one little corner all to ourselves?

[Eden]

…… being the internet and basically being anonymous any of us could pretend to be something we are not… Don could have simply registered as Dawn and no one would have any idea he wasn't a she. At least he was honest about it.

[nuliajuk]

Does anyone here read Jasper FForde? The Thursday Next series are fantasy of sorts, as the main character travels between the book world and the real world. And although she's written in the tough girl mode in places, in other places she has to worry about things like arranging child care while saving the world.
I've re-read the series several times, as there always seems to be something I notice that didn't come to my attention the previous readings. And of course, there's a lot of wit and humour woven in.