My mate Debs and I were cycling very slowly around a forest trail in a place called Thetford in England - possibly the flattest, least technical mtb centre you could imagine... when I have to cycle through a mudddy puddle, and I fall in. Typical.

the following explanation I initially wrote to amuse my friends, who are always keen to hear of my latest disaster, perhaps a little too keen! I decided to tell it as it should have been... not sure how the humour might translate... but here goes! (oh I should point out the 'beast' is a section of singletrack with a few bumps in it!)

"…Racing along the fire road Polly looks around; there’s no one to be seen, she’s alone, just her and the sun bleached stumps which broken and abandoned scatter the barren landscape. She turns again, catching a glimpse as she does of her sidekick; Die-hard Debs. She is relieved but not surprised that Debs too has made it past the snarling beast…

Far from relaxing, Polly doesn’t let her concentration waver, her toned body suddenly tenses, her perfectly manicured fingers hover over her brake levers… the landscape has changed. No longer is the sky visible above her head, she has been plunged into darkness – a strange unearthly twilight, silent and menacing. Struggling to decipher the curves of the route ahead, Polly carefully picks her way through the dense undergrowth of the tree strewn singletrack, twisting, turning, all the time anxious not to scrub off too much speed… but it is then that she sees it. Ahead; its outline barely visible in the murky distance… The puddle of Gloom!

All too soon the puddle is upon her, a vast expanse of sticky gloop… its depth unfathomable, its effects potentially devastating. As she approaches this brown oozing mass, she can see the surface begin to tremble… Polly can only wonder what lies beneath. Which line should she take? Left? Right? Left…the decision irrelevant, Polly’s fate is sealed.

As our heroine races past the edge of the danger, a long slimy tentacle springs out and winds itself around her rear hub. One sharp tug and the back wheel of Polly’s bike is dragged into the mire, the Chris King hubs screaming with anger. Polly bravely tries to throw herself from her steed, to avoid a muddy fate worse than death. As she crashes to the ground she is aware of her bike spinning round above her, pivoting on her foot. Only her incredible strength saves her and her bike from being sucked under the surface of this terrible quicksand…

As Polly lies at the edge of the menace, clinging stoically to her bike with only one cleat, Die-hard Debs appears… her razor sharp senses immediately assessing the situation. She walks carefully around the Puddle of Gloom, her eyes transfixed. Eventually she speaks …

“Blinkin' 'eck Poll…. What on earth have you done this time? And… how the blazes have you managed to be still clipped into your bike but it facing the other way round?…”


It was very embarrassing, I was covered in mud and unable to move until Debs rescued me, in fact I lay there going "no, no, I'm fine really" as several small children and pensioners cleared the puddle, and offered to help... doh!